I don't do memes. I don't even know how to pronounce the word.
However, since it's Sunday, and since I am feeling generous (and because I can't formulate my intended post about Celebrity Crushes I Have Suffered owing to stress over moving house on the 24th. Why can't I seem to start getting organised? Why must I leave everything to the last minute?), I have graciously decided to respond to Bela's
request that I let you all into the weirdness that is me, and detail five weird habits or peculiarities that I have. I am also scared that if I don't, Bela will slap me and I will cry like a girl.
So, how to narrow it down to five? Here goes nothing...
1) I have to put my right sock or shoe on before the left. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is that I do this. If, for some strange reason, I do left-before-right, I have to take the shoe/sock off and start again the correct way. I know this is not rational. I know it makes me a special. But I can't help it.
2) I worry about parking. Seriously. I worry a lot.
When I go to the hostipal I fret about whether or not I will be able to park. When I go shopping I am concerned that I will have to leave my car miles away from the store, or that I will not be able to park at all and will be forced to return home bereft of tragic magazines and wine. When I take the Beast to the car wash, I spend the entire journey through the scary-spinning-brush-thing in a low-grade panic that there will be no spaces next to the giant hoovers and that I will have to sort of lurk hopefully, getting in everybody's way and potentially causing an accident.
3) I sometimes spell my name wrong.
4) I am unnaturally specific about washing the dishes*. It is vital
that the rules are adhered to. Glasses first, and they are to be rinsed under the running hot water. Small Person's drinking vessels are to be placed on the drying rack, and must not sit directly on the draining board. Cutlery must soak while the plates are washed. Plates must be washed in strict size order
. Biggest first, graduating down to side plates. It is vital
that they are placed on the drying rack in strict size order
, biggest at the back, graduating down to side plates at the front. If the washing-the-plates part should somehow generate an out of sequence plate, plates already in the rack must be moved one slot backwards in order that the sizes run in the correct order. Then it goes cutlery, utensils, pots and pans. Please do not attempt to wash the dishes out of sequence as I will be irrationally compelled to do them again.
5) I am secretly convinced that I can control the actions of other drivers when I am in my car. If I am stuck behind a doddering, nightmarish pensioner who is driving at nineteen miles an hour when I am late for an appointment, I simply stare intently at their indicators and lo, they take the next available turning. I have made them do this using only the power of my mind. Fact.
So, there you go. Please believe that, given about fifteen more hours to think about this, I could have extended this list into the thousands. In fact, I could probably set up a side blog entitled "Reasons Why I am Weird", post a new thing every day and not run out of inspiration until, oh, 2098 or so. If you want to be tagged, then you're tagged. If you think I am mental, please keep it to yourself and do not arrange an intervention. Oh, and can I just add a number six (ever the rebel)? I really, really like hoovering.
* On reading this back, I may arrange my own intervention. Does anyone have Beechy Colclough's** number?
** Can that really be a real name? Come on....