Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I've sort of fused Flashdance with MC Hammer shit.

A while ago, there were two men and four women in my department.

It was a strange and difficult time. A time in which, if a woman made a sensible business decision, it would be roundly ignored until one of the men decided it was their decision after all and the idea would be immediately implemented.

We soon realised our problem. We didn’t have penises! Men can’t hear a business conversation if someone without a penis is talking!

The obvious solution was to go to Ann Summers* and buy a packet of cardboard penis headbands, as hilariously disported on hen nights across this fair land. I have one, my manager has one, my assistants both had one. If we wanted to be heard we would put our Cock Hat on to ensure that we were taken seriously.

Fast-forward four months. One of the male managers left, so the Cock Hats were relegated to the sidelines.

One of my assistants left a little while ago - her replacement started today.

Imagine his surprise when he opened the bottom drawer of his new desk and saw a giant, vivid cardboard penis squinting back at him.

I don’t suppose it helps much that he’s gay. Now I am faced with a new assistant who thinks that misplaced homophobic humour is to be foisted upon him at any given opportunity.

I am David Brent.

* The Patron Saint of Nylon


Blogger Jaywalker chimed in with...

Ok, now I am corrosively jealous of your cock hat. I need one. For conference calls.

Did you explain the full story, or pretend you had NO IDEA what it was doing there?

19 November, 2008 16:35  
Blogger Vicus Scurra chimed in with...

I would have told him he had to wear it. "Health and Safety". No one questions it.

19 November, 2008 17:33  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

Awesome! Just awesome! Adding you to my reading list on the premise of this post alone!


PS Not because of it's potential homophobic undertones, you understand? Nor the use of penises (Peni?) as headgear, just the pure joy of discovering that this sort of thing happens to other people too!

19 November, 2008 18:07  
Blogger Mephitis chimed in with...

:D. Thanks for that :D.

19 November, 2008 18:49  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

My boss has a photo on his phone of one of our female colleagues licking pinot grigio out of my cleavage.

There are degrees of inappropiateness.

19 November, 2008 20:56  
Blogger FirstNations chimed in with...

i for one find it difficult to believe that someone would forget something as utterly awesome as a penis hat. you don't just leave something like that behind. SHEESH PEOPLE.

20 November, 2008 00:42  
Blogger Mutha chimed in with...

I need to get me one of those cock hats.

21 November, 2008 14:44  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

I left it for a day and came back. This is still very funny.

21 November, 2008 14:49  
Blogger JoeinVegas chimed in with...

But, for him, does it count as two peni so that he gets double the points?

21 November, 2008 15:50  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

loving that you actually blogged about this - I have mine with me on mat. leave and i will be returning with it in hand!!!

22 November, 2008 17:09  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

please, hurry back! we miss you....

27 November, 2008 11:55  

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