Sunday, March 12, 2006

Oh, alright then.

I don't do memes. I don't even know how to pronounce the word.

However, since it's Sunday, and since I am feeling generous (and because I can't formulate my intended post about Celebrity Crushes I Have Suffered owing to stress over moving house on the 24th. Why can't I seem to start getting organised? Why must I leave everything to the last minute?), I have graciously decided to respond to Bela's request that I let you all into the weirdness that is me, and detail five weird habits or peculiarities that I have. I am also scared that if I don't, Bela will slap me and I will cry like a girl.

So, how to narrow it down to five? Here goes nothing...

1) I have to put my right sock or shoe on before the left. I cannot emphasise enough how important it is that I do this. If, for some strange reason, I do left-before-right, I have to take the shoe/sock off and start again the correct way. I know this is not rational. I know it makes me a special. But I can't help it.

2) I worry about parking. Seriously. I worry a lot. When I go to the hostipal I fret about whether or not I will be able to park. When I go shopping I am concerned that I will have to leave my car miles away from the store, or that I will not be able to park at all and will be forced to return home bereft of tragic magazines and wine. When I take the Beast to the car wash, I spend the entire journey through the scary-spinning-brush-thing in a low-grade panic that there will be no spaces next to the giant hoovers and that I will have to sort of lurk hopefully, getting in everybody's way and potentially causing an accident.

3) I sometimes spell my name wrong.

4) I am unnaturally specific about washing the dishes*. It is vital that the rules are adhered to. Glasses first, and they are to be rinsed under the running hot water. Small Person's drinking vessels are to be placed on the drying rack, and must not sit directly on the draining board. Cutlery must soak while the plates are washed. Plates must be washed in strict size order. Biggest first, graduating down to side plates. It is vital that they are placed on the drying rack in strict size order, biggest at the back, graduating down to side plates at the front. If the washing-the-plates part should somehow generate an out of sequence plate, plates already in the rack must be moved one slot backwards in order that the sizes run in the correct order. Then it goes cutlery, utensils, pots and pans. Please do not attempt to wash the dishes out of sequence as I will be irrationally compelled to do them again.

5) I am secretly convinced that I can control the actions of other drivers when I am in my car. If I am stuck behind a doddering, nightmarish pensioner who is driving at nineteen miles an hour when I am late for an appointment, I simply stare intently at their indicators and lo, they take the next available turning. I have made them do this using only the power of my mind. Fact.

So, there you go. Please believe that, given about fifteen more hours to think about this, I could have extended this list into the thousands. In fact, I could probably set up a side blog entitled "Reasons Why I am Weird", post a new thing every day and not run out of inspiration until, oh, 2098 or so. If you want to be tagged, then you're tagged. If you think I am mental, please keep it to yourself and do not arrange an intervention. Oh, and can I just add a number six (ever the rebel)? I really, really like hoovering.

* On reading this back, I may arrange my own intervention. Does anyone have Beechy Colclough's** number?

** Can that really be a real name? Come on....


Blogger Universal Soldier chimed in with...

Ah - so it was you behind me in the car today.

12 March, 2006 18:31  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Hurray! I'm second!

I like washing up but I get the impression we might fall out pretty quickly if we ever met and watched me washing up. Which it could happen, if someone arranged washing up trials at the Olympics, or maybe if you had to wash up at a centralised venue (like Mary and Joseph being forced to go to Bethlehem) to be awarded like, a breathing licence.

It could happen.

And then we would have an argument.

12 March, 2006 20:03  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

ft - just one of the many reasons why we are doomed to fail. that, and me being straight.

soldier - yes. that was me. you know you didn't really want to take that left by the garden centre.

12 March, 2006 20:32  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

ft - oh, and you loving imp. and being welsh*.

* welsh is even more insurmountable than gender.

12 March, 2006 20:48  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

Other than me having to wash the smaller plates before the biggest ones, I'm totally with you on the washing up thingy. Oh, and everything must be rinsed under hot water.


And can you teach me number five? I've tried all sorts of spells and insidious mind powers but nothing seems to work. Even screeching to high heaven and flailing at the windscreen comes to naught.


12 March, 2006 21:10  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Bloody hell, sg. I was only suggesting meeting up for a mutual dishwashing session, not a full-blown relationship.

Sure you haven't got a thing about me?

*heh heh*

12 March, 2006 21:23  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...


come to think of it, i don't think i have EVER put my left sock on first and thinking about the mere idea of it, i can see how very very wrong it would be

*left foot twitches as if on cue*

12 March, 2006 22:03  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

I used to do all that with the dishwashing. But it wasn't at all weird. Perfectly reasonable. How else are you to know it's all been done?

I shall try the indicator thing tomorrow. But do you think it would work if you sometimes put the left sock on first? Or if you put the left sock on the right foot?

12 March, 2006 23:10  
Blogger Sherbert chimed in with...

I'm with you on the washing up although I too do the small plates first and the chopping board must, it must be on the back slot of the drainer thing once washed. I sometimes get stressed about parking but have started saying to myself, out loud if no-one's in the car with me, "A parking space is manifesting for me now" as I arrive at my destination. It usually works.

13 March, 2006 09:54  
Blogger Moo chimed in with...

I can agree with you on most of the washing up order...however I tend to wash the cutlery first letting plates soak and it really bugs me when people dont wash plates in order of size!!

13 March, 2006 12:50  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

That washing up thing is a hangover from Brownies, I reckon. Did you do the House Orderly badge? It was very strict about washing up orders.

Get a dishwasher, woman.

13 March, 2006 15:03  
Anonymous kyahgirl chimed in with...

I always suspected you were psychic!

And yes about the name thing, I sometimes mispell mine too. If you ever get an e-mail from Luara you know I'm just having one of those moments.

13 March, 2006 15:21  
Blogger Jemima chimed in with...

Does the word 'autism' mean anything to you? That's not a criticism: you truly are special.

I often forget how to sign my name, but generally I know which of my 3million pseudonyms and alternative identities I'm currently possessing.

And by the way, you're wrong about washing up and Inexplicable Device is right.

13 March, 2006 18:09  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

Am extremely jealous of the mind power over other drivers. Am thinking of attempting to develop it, as my screaming at them seems to do no good.

13 March, 2006 18:13  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

I'm there with the sock thing. I've never had to do it all over again, if done wrong - but there's definitely an order to it.

And out of all of that - #3 is quite possibly the best.

Love it.

13 March, 2006 18:33  
Anonymous Yez chimed in with...

#2: See #5. It works on parking spaces too :>

#4: FINALLY. There's at least one person out there I could trust to do it RIGHT!

13 March, 2006 21:29  
Blogger Bela chimed in with...

Thank you so much for taking part, SL! I'm sure you know why I couldn't visit you earlier. I wasn't (still am not) up to slapping anyone at all. You were safe.

I don't know why but the acronym OCD has just come into my mind. Do you have an idea why that should be?

1. One question: are you left-handed by any chance? Apparently, people who are one or the other need to put on socks and shoes and gloves and coats whichever is their strong side first. I have to do what you do if I put on things left side first.

2. I used to worry a lil' bit about parking (over 30 years ago); I don't any longer: I'm not the driver in this household.

3. I thank g-d I know how to spell (my name inc.).

4. There's that OCD thing coming back into my mind...

5. I used to think I looked like Peter O'Toole as Lawrence of Arabia if I did this with my mouth... we all have our delusions.

Thanks again. :-)

18 March, 2006 19:48  

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