Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Mats: my thoughts

It’s been a troublesome sort of day.

Despite the fact that, as far as I can tell, we appear to have imagined buying a house (still no completion date and I am convinced that the whole thing has been an elaborate hoax), I am nevertheless compelled to spend my working hours trawling the internet for all manner of household items. Today has been frustrating. I have ordered the wooden duckboards for the shower room and bathroom (I am firm in my belief that bath mats have no place in a carpeted bathroom, and we are having a carpeted bathroom as the purchase of the house has bankrupted us so spectacularly that we can’t afford tiled floors for oh, about twenty years or so), sourced some rather lovely linen baskets and worked out that towels for the whole house will come in at the bewildering price of ninety five pounds. But still, one item eludes me.

Pedestal mats for the loo are, I will concede, horrid. They put me in mind of loo seat covers, and crinoline ladies who perch atop the cistern protecting the modesty of any visiting clergymen or members of the WI from the shameful sight of the spare loo roll, and sickly lavender air fresheners. They are horrid. But again, with the carpeted bathrooms, and the Small People, and the boys who can’t just wee in the loo, oh no, and why would they when there’s a whole room full of absorbent floor covering to sprinkle, I feel that a mat of some sort is a necessity. Something very plain, the same colour as the carpet, that can be popped through the wash every so often, thereby effortlessly reducing the possibility of the bathroom carpet attracting tomcats and homeless people. Easy, you might think. With the whole world only a Google away, surely such an item (or three items, in this case) can be easily procured.

Well, you’d be wrong. I can have bath mats. There are millions to choose from. Fluffy ones, rubber ones that look like manhole covers, ones with seashells, or beach huts, or feet, or (worryingly, given my propensity for irrational fears) sharks on them. Mats to go next to the bath, in the bath, in the shower; gazillions of them. Pedestal mats though? Not a hope. In the whole, entire world of online shopping I found less than ten. Of these meagre pickings, all except one came as part of a set with a bath mat. As we have established, I don’t need a bath mat. I especially don’t need three bath mats, and I refuse to buy them in order to also acquire a pedestal mat. The one that came by itself bore the legend: “Beer. Good To the Last Drop”, and I really don’t think it would lend anything to the oasis of taste and restraint that our house will be. So, what the hell do I do now?

You have no idea how sorry I am for making you read four hundred and eighty-nine words about how I can’t find a mat to keep piss off the carpet. But still. Any ideas?

13 Comments:

Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

carpet in bathrooms? Eewe.

Says he who lives in a house with three bathrooms and each one has fucking carpet in it.

I crave cheap plastic flooring.

08 March, 2006 20:26  
Blogger Jemima chimed in with...

Asda sorted me out a treat.

Thank you for the laugh: 'we appear to have imagined buying the house'. Well if you will drink on a weeknight...

Does get a bit like that when the world goes mad and forgets you exist and have needs. Hope it gets sorted immediately!

08 March, 2006 21:13  
Blogger Pashmina chimed in with...

Not even in John Lewis? I'm shocked. Am also a little concerned that your carpets will get very wet with people getting into and out of the bath. Would you be willing to reconsider your stance on bath mats?

By the way - three bathrooms?
*seething jealousy*

08 March, 2006 21:22  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

In the exact same dilemma, I could find NOTHING on the Internet.

I was forced to visit actual stores. It was strange and disconcerting.

08 March, 2006 21:41  
Blogger belladona chimed in with...

You could buy extra carpet (or a cheaper off-cut in a similar colour), cut to shape and then throw away as and when. Or there's a kind of material with a wipe-clean surface which you can get with loads of patterns on or just plain which you could cut to size too.

08 March, 2006 22:13  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

What belladonna said. A quick glance at Argos proves your point, there are quite a few pedestals but all come with bath mats.

08 March, 2006 22:23  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

here ya go.
http://www.kmart.com/catalog/category.jsp?N=682&Ne=466&pCategoryId=466&categoryId=682
Martha Stewart Everyday 4-Star Contour Bath Rug
Sale: $11.69
Sale Ends Saturday

they'll ship!

09 March, 2006 00:48  
Anonymous kyahgirl chimed in with...

whinger has the answer. they are sold in actual stores sg.

maybe you could knit some?

*runs away*

09 March, 2006 04:54  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

Buy a carpet offcut. Cut out the U-shaped piece to leave a place for the pedastle.
Use the U-shaped piece as a bog-roll cover ;-)

Oh, and install a pissoir for poorly-aiming gents....

09 March, 2006 05:53  
Blogger No one Really chimed in with...

Leave a cork floating in the toilet, this provides an aiming point and never fails.

09 March, 2006 10:54  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Make everyone piss in the back garden. Then you don't even have to clean your 3 toilets.

09 March, 2006 11:20  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

try woolworths. And what Pash said about John Lewis. Or buy a set and sell the bathmat on ebay?

09 March, 2006 16:28  
Blogger DavetheF chimed in with...

I found a bath RUG at a joint called Kitchens Inc, or something like that. It seems to be a chain, maybe there's one in the UK. The rug looks like, well, just a beige rug and wears and washes well.

09 March, 2006 18:21  

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