Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Good lord.

Mummy, enquired Small Person yesterday, when can we tidy out my wardrobe?

Small Person's wardrobe is the stuff of nightmares. Ancient nursery school drawings jostle with long-since-forgotten gloves; board games with vital pieces missing flumpf beneath the weight of all those bloody shoes that only fit for a five-minute window before being tossed aside. Occasionally, the Cat pops in there for a nose around, most likely streaking out minutes later in a trail of tinsel, french knitting and, ironically, random bits of Mousetrap*.

We are long overdue for a clearout of said black hole. Our usual routine is to spend a weekend sometime soon after Christmas taking every single Barbie shoe, stray bead and Snakes and Ladders set and plonking them in a twisted heap on the bedroom carpet. We then circle it in a style reminiscent of small Favela children, picking out choice items to take to the local children's centre before becoming bored with the whole thing and simply decanting everything en masse into fourteen black bin bags which are taken to the tip for the Dump-Monkeys to pore over at their leisure.

Anyway. I digress.

I am currently laid up after another bout of knee surgery. I am bruised on both legs from thigh to calf and am walking like Ben Shephard after a secretive night out in West London. I cannot clear out a wardrobe. I can hardly dress myself.

So.

We'll do it soon my love, I reassure. Why is it so important right now?

Because, Mummy, my alien offspring replies, I want to turn it into a place where I can pray to god.

Um, halp???

I am relishing the first time she traipses into her classroom and announces that Mummy turned the wardrobe into a place for her to pray to Jeebus. See you on the register, Karen Matthews....

* I know. Who am I kidding? Bratz Dolls and crack pipes. Happy now?


25 Comments:

Blogger claire chimed in with...

Does jesus live in her wardrobe? I'm confused. Does one need a special piece of furniture to pray to their overlord these days?

I've been out of the loop for too long, i guess.

21 January, 2009 17:59  
Blogger Thursday chimed in with...

Small Person has had a bit of a thing about The Bearded Man for some while hasn't she?

22 January, 2009 19:19  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Yup, we thought that phase had passed but it's reared it's ugly head once more.

If Small Person is allowed to have an alter for coveting Jeebus in her wardrobe then I want a shrine to my fave porn stars in ours...that ok hon ?

23 January, 2009 09:02  
Blogger FirstNations chimed in with...

my grandson just accused his mother of shaving off his beard while he slept. he is 4. they grow out of this.

i hope.

stay off the knee. that means no praying, sadly. i know.

23 January, 2009 12:28  
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Blogger violet chimed in with...

Well, if she wants to hide in the wardrobe to pray to god that suggests she's ashamed of being a jesus freak. You did something right there at least ;o)

word ver: 'plaphen'. I can imagine just what one looks, and smells, like.

23 February, 2009 20:45  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

If a kid wants to pray, what's the big deal?? How's about some religious tolerance? It's not like she's hurting anyone and as far as you're concerned, prayer is a pointless activity... so why all the hostility? Poor kid.

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