Friday, March 03, 2006

Sometimes it's better not to share

I have a horror of the floors in swimming pool changing rooms.

Small Person loves swimming, and I have promised to take her on Sunday. This will be fine, until we are out of the pool and getting dressed. At this point, I become obsessed to the point of nausea with the slimy, dirty floor I am forced to stand on while drying off. Other people's shoes, other people's feet, that faint smell of wee, the thought of that gutter filled with stagnant crud that runs through the middle of the changing rooms and that people sometimes, unfathomably, are happy to let their children paddle in. It all conspires to give me the creeping horrors and by the time I pull my socks on I am frantically thinking about puppies, or spring flowers, or baby lambs in an effort not to go shrieking through the communal change area, waving my arms above my head and retching.

This general ooginess about other people's slime extends to jacuzzis at gyms or public swimming pools. There is something unpleasant about the thought of sitting in an overwarm stew of other people's pubic hair and toenails. I have no idea why anyone would choose to do it, and it finally seems that the scientific community agrees.

You might want to finish eating before you have a look here.


Blogger Smat chimed in with...

wear flip flops AT ALL TIMES while not actually in the water. And only go to swimming pools where there is so much Chlorine that your eyes sting even thinking about it and the colour bleaches out of your swimsuit. That's when you know the bugs and germs and icky things are dead. Or at least slowed down enough for you to get past them.

03 March, 2006 15:08  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I'm not even going to read that thankyou Surly Sis as I spend at least twenty minutes a week sighing with bliss in the jacuzzi at my gym and I intend to continue doing so. I also get to do 5 or more extra lengths in the pool than I intend to each time, which can only be for the good, while I wait for the sole, fat, pervy-looking man to get out of the jacuzzi, before I get in.

And my gym (daaahling) has a sort of carpet thing on the floor so it is ok, but there is a strange Korean-looking ladyboy in the changing rooms who sits there fully clothed peering at everyone in 'her' compact...most bizarre.

03 March, 2006 15:30  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I'm with you 100% on the whole swimming-pool-changing-room-thing. I can never work out if I'm shivering from cold or from the fear of whats lurking under my feet !!!

03 March, 2006 15:33  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Oh god, I've just read it.
And I've got a hot tub.

Serves me right.

03 March, 2006 15:47  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Fifi, I hope the reference to the "fat, pervy looking man in the jacuzzi" is not me ? I know I've put on a few pounds but honestly it wasn't me that broke the hot tub !!!!!!!!!!!

03 March, 2006 16:46  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Of course not OH, your behaviour in the hot tub has always been impeccable!

03 March, 2006 17:10  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

PS. You are right Surly. No-one comments on a Friday!

03 March, 2006 17:12  
Anonymous kyahgirl chimed in with...

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger sg!!

03 March, 2006 17:12  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

oooh, I only made it to the 2nd sentence of that link.

I NEVER go in the jacuzzi. I can come home and have a bath here and I don't have to share it with half-a-dozen chavs...

03 March, 2006 17:17  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

um, and apparently no-one comments on a wednesday or a thursday

(on my blog)


* which i wager someone has once found in a jacuzzi

03 March, 2006 17:24  
Blogger Jemima chimed in with...

Your writing provoked a very unpleasant nausea in me. Which I think is a compliment. I'm too scared to click the link.

I'll leave you with a swimpain of mine. Until recently my quitelarge smallperson went swimming with school at the pool I take my class, right after I'm there, and my class have nits and smell of wee. While the class smell better after thirty minutes mindless splashing, I wasn't keen on QL SP swallowing any of their 'soup'.

03 March, 2006 17:30  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

oh yes.
OH yes.
did you know that chlorine will not kill the more virulent strains of e.coli? only let your small person swim in clean moving water!
and hot tubs are treated daily with chemicals you have to wear corrosive agent level gloves to add? makes you want to dive right in and expose all your tender regions, eh?
I have horror stories about a very exclusive hot springs we visited as a family years ago. lets say the memory lingers to this day. AAAAACK.
oh yes!
OH yes!
*goes off to repeatedly wash hands*

03 March, 2006 18:27  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

I absolutely cannot look at that link. I have a ridiculous fear of showers at my gym although everyone else emerges from them without visible sores and puss. I go home and use my own shower.

And am now thinking about doing just thought...possibly with bleach.

03 March, 2006 18:36  
Blogger DavetheF chimed in with...

Interestingly enough, scientific research has established that the real germ factory in the bathroom is the washbasin. The toilet seat is virginal by comparison.

03 March, 2006 21:12  
Blogger Smat chimed in with...

also door handles. And drinking water fountains. And *ugh* leaning your head back on a train where the previous person (probably) has put their greasy nit-infested hair. Or maybe that's just me.

03 March, 2006 22:06  
Blogger Sooz chimed in with...

omg *gag*

I hear you! I try to balance ON my shoes whilst I'm drying so that I don't put my de-contaminated foot back on the murk!

Swimming has never been the same since Victoria Wood told the tale of how she hunted for her lost contact lens and found a verruca... and since I was told by the manager of a hotel how there was a thick layer of white semi-solid goo collected on the top of the hotel pool water when the pump/filter broke.
Human fat.

Sorry. You soo didn't need to know that. *gets coat*

04 March, 2006 11:53  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

Right. Must not go in jacuzzi at swimming pool. Must stay in pool continuing to do lengths and sloughing body fat at regular intervals. Must keep all orifices tightly shut (except when need to breath, in which case, must leap high out of water in manner of salmon swimming up waterfall to get to spawning ground, so as not to accidently inhale any puketastic water). Must not think about multitude of germs and bacteria infesting the place. Must not.

04 March, 2006 17:44  
Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

Two quick points in passing:
Dentists prefer you to keep your toothbrush AT LEAST one metre away from the loo.

And bleach is the source of the latest weapons against cancer.
So breathe that chlorine in.

see you again soon ....

04 March, 2006 21:42  
Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

Back again, just to show off really as I can do links in commetns now: Cancer and bleach link here.

Also: Please don't start (or even continue) drinking bleach. This may well prove fatal, and if not will be extraordinarily damaging and uncomfortable.

04 March, 2006 21:48  
Blogger garfer chimed in with...

Veruccas were made to be shared. Quit moanin'.

04 March, 2006 22:06  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

swimming was totally gag-inducing. but, i TOOK MY FLIP-FLOPS! and it was much, much better. thank you, smat.

*continues to scrub body with mixture containing three parts dettol to one part cillit bang*

05 March, 2006 16:45  
Blogger Liz chimed in with...

You fail to mention the sticking plasters adhering to the bottom.

I got an unbelievably bad case of cystitis from the Oasis pool in Bedford a few years ago. About ten minutes after the surprise jet of water up the twinkle which (I think) did for me, my goddaughter noticed a turd bobbing along the water's surface.

We exited the pool pretty sharpish, but it wasn't fast enough for my poor delicate urinary tract. Never again - I'm going to wait until I'm rich enough to own my own pool before going swimming next.

06 March, 2006 22:39  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

Yes and remember the mouse droppings in peanut bowls in pubs?
And how we were all going to catch salmonella from eggs.
I wonder if flip flops will protect me from Athlete's foot?

08 March, 2006 00:13  

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