Six Things

1) We got married. The bride wore black, the groom wore black and pink, the bride's stepmother wore a fixed grimace. Men in wedding dresses played punk music at our wedding reception and the Other Half drank sixteen vodka Red Bulls and didn't sleep for 56 hours straight. It was aces.

2) We went on our honeymoon. It rained. The tent leaked. We'd seen all the bands before and following a hissed conversation (the sort you have when you're in public and can't just yell at each other) I acquiesced to the Other Half's desire to leave a day early. We had to be towed out by a tractor. I didn't have a nervous breakdown on the way home. It was aces.

3) I have dreadlocks again after 12 years without. It's much more complicated this time - there's special shampoos and gels and waxes that mean you can keep them (relatively) clean. This has the disadvantage of making them much more high maintenance but the distinct advantage of meaning I don't smell like a tramp's blanket this time round. Well, my hair doesn't, at least. It is aces.

4) I have travelled extensively for work over the last five weeks and have seen some lovely airports. Odessa stands out as the favourite - you don't get dead dogs on the pavement outside Charles de Gaulle, do you? Travelling is not nearly as glamorous as you might think. Not unless endless corridors and waiting rooms and annoying people and no legroom are your idea of glamour, that is. It was not aces.

5) I had MRI scans on both my knees last week and meet the consultant next week. I am too young for new knees - however I may end up with partial replacements. I do not see the logic of this. I'm going private though, so any future surgery will be without added MRSA. Which is aces.

6) There is no number six.

There. Who says you should have something to say before you open your mouth? I blame Sarah Silverman.