Monday, December 01, 2008

Wrongest. Suggestion. Ever.

So anyway.

We went to the local for lunch on Saturday. It's a weekly treat for us - we take the papers, drink some beer and people-watch. It's great for people-watching, our local.

It's quite good for overheard-in-the-pub stuff too, as it turns out. Those of you of a nervous disposition may want to click away now.

I'm in the loo. A woman and a small child enter the adjacent cubicle and have one of those mother-toddler conversations that people can't resist having in these situations. Having been loudly praised for displaying a remarkable ability to have a wee, the small girl began stropping out about not being able to leave the cubicle right now.

Naturally, the mother was keen to stay, with the door firmly locked, until she too had done a wee (really - this was all discussed loudly and in great detail). Child wasn't having any of it and started shouting in a manner that to my mind should have won her a sharp slap to the back of her legs. Never did me any harm. Etc.

I'm washing my hands and marvelling at the total lack of self-concsiousness that comes as part of the territory when you're the mother of a small person, when the following exchange occurred and completely blew my mind....

Mother: NO, smallperson! You must stay here until Mummy's done a wee! Leave the door alone!

Child: NONONONONONO I WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW! NOW!

Mother: Oh, but darling. Mummy needs a wee too. Please don't unlock the door.

Child: I AM! I AM UNLOCK THE DOOR! I GOING NOW!!

Mother (presumably in an attempt to incentivise the little bastard darling to stay): Oh, smallperson. Look! Do you want to help Mummy wipe her bottom?


Ohgodohgodohgod. I exited stage left, scarred for life.

Please tell me she didn't mean that?

Please?

8 Comments:

Anonymous graceless chimed in with...

oh that is so very wrong! but very funny.

i have to say though, it irritates me beyond belief when a kid is acting like a complete brat, and rather than pulling them into line, the parent starts to tiptoe around them, trying to wheedle some good behaviour out of the child.

it's a recipe for future disaster.

02 December, 2008 07:27  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

*tumbleweed*

i don't know why i bother...

04 December, 2008 10:57  
Blogger FirstNations chimed in with...

wrong.

wrong. very very very horribly horribly wrong. no no no. ew ew ew. no ew no wrong no.

Oh my GOD NO.

*full body shudder*

04 December, 2008 23:14  
Blogger Just a Girl chimed in with...

Who says that?!

09 December, 2008 10:51  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Hello Mrs!! I only just noticed you started blogging again (RSS feeds kind of passed me by - I know I work in IT and I'm supposed to be 'puter literate, but I just haven't really ever explored them). Anyway ... ew. Do you think she was talking about her front bottom or her bottom bottom?

12 December, 2008 12:25  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

Oh no Surly Girl. I hate you! Today was the day allocated to working on my essay, and instead I spent hours reading your blog and lo! it's already 8, and time to go out. Disgusting.

31 December, 2008 20:09  
Blogger Lucy Diamond chimed in with...

Gawd, I'm glad I read to the end, I was about to say, "I think that might have been me and my daughter you heard" but actually no, I can safely say it wasn't me. I usually wedge the door shut with my foot rather than resorting to 'help Mummy wipe her bottom' techniques. Some people eh!

11 January, 2009 13:53  
Blogger Annie A chimed in with...

That's hilarious. And gross.

14 January, 2009 17:00  

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