Outrage! Outrage! Outrage!!!!1!

Twenty seven thousand people.

Twenty seven thousand people??

Really?

Admittedly, I’m perhaps not the best person to have any perspective on this, but seriously? You’d think that Russell Brand and Jonathon Ross had taken it in turns to dry-rape the Pope while giving Nazi salutes and murdering puppies.

Thank the gods for the Daily Mail, that’s all I can say. Otherwise we would never have known that a man who used to be on the telly agreed to be interviewed on the radio and gave them his phone number and then, presumably, popped out for ten minutes to distribute alms to the poor and cure the sick, and some men, one of whom had shagged his pure, innocent stripper-in-a-group-called-Satanic-Sluts granddaughter, left messages pertaining to this on his answerphone and lots of people heard it go out on the radio and didn’t mind at all and the sweet, kindly grandfather himself didn’t even seem to mind that much but, really, we should all storm the BBC with flaming torches and pitchforks and demand that the heads of the two men who haven’t really done anything much are immediately displayed on pointy sticks in Reception as a warning to all those evil, wicked purveyors of filth whose sole intention is to bring about the downfall of civilisation as we know it via that all-powerful, omniscient medium of Light Entertainment that we will not stand for this.

I’ll leave the last word on the subject to the estimable “Hughes, Coventry” who was so incensed that he had to rush to his computer a full three days after the "story" broke and let the BBC know exactly how much people have been offended:

Where have all the roll models gone. What we need is good old fashioned standards............ Get rid of this sick filth that is invading our lives, take them off the air permentantly

Well done that man. I am confident that you speak for all of us.

*breathes*

UPDATE: Now over thirty thousand people have complained! How will we survive this?!