(I Need a) Caffeine Bomb...
Plese also disrgard ayn tpyos/
In the words of Kerry Katona (please bellow in an indignant Warrington accent): "I'm nor jrunk! Ish my medcayshun!".
You see, to all intents and purposes, Prozac is a marvellous thing. I have spent most of the Autumn travelling for work, flying to and from such exotic locations as Odessa, Istanbul and Liverpool. This time last year I couldn't have gone to the shop up the road without a full medical escort and intravenous gin.
However, the one side-effect I do suffer with is insomnia. Oh, hang on - and when I do sleep I have vivid, intense, exhausting dreams. You try feeling rested when you've spent your sleeping hours variously captaining gigantic cruise ships, shoplifting from Habitat and trying to get off with all the Kings of Leon at the same time. It's not easy, let me tell you.
So anyway. We both (me and the Other Half) grew tired of me waking us up shrieking and flailing four times a night, of me waking him up because, well, I was awake, and of both being awake from 6am every Saturday due to me being all wobbly from yet another full-length night horror featuring my mother.
I went back to the GP yesterday and querulously asked whether there was anything he could prescribe in the short term to help me sleep. Oh, yes! There was!
Ladies and gentlemen, may I proudly present Nozinan. Jealous, kids? Wish you too could treat simple insomnia with a powerful anti-psychotic which is also used as a painkiller in palliative care for patients with late-stage cancer? Want to run the gauntlet of various terrifying* side-effects? Ha! You should be so lucky!
I started them last night. I took 12.5mg at 9pm, and by 9.25 was in a sort of waking coma** - it's like being really, really stoned but without the paranoia and munchies. I slept like the dead and woke up this morning feeling like I'd been run over by a marshmallow steamroller. I arrived at my desk and showed my boss my eyes - he was rather impressed that my pupils were different sizes. I was completely off my gourd until around lunchtime.
Of course, this has raised serious concerns with me and I don't know what to do for the best.
Should I carry on taking them or start selling them?
* The one that bothers me the most is the threat of unwanted and persistent erections. Brr. Like I don't have enough to worry about.
** Seriously though - the maximum daily dosage for the treatment of schizophrenia is 1000mg. Talk about your chemical cosh....