Wrongest. Suggestion. Ever.

So anyway.

We went to the local for lunch on Saturday. It's a weekly treat for us - we take the papers, drink some beer and people-watch. It's great for people-watching, our local.

It's quite good for overheard-in-the-pub stuff too, as it turns out. Those of you of a nervous disposition may want to click away now.

I'm in the loo. A woman and a small child enter the adjacent cubicle and have one of those mother-toddler conversations that people can't resist having in these situations. Having been loudly praised for displaying a remarkable ability to have a wee, the small girl began stropping out about not being able to leave the cubicle right now.

Naturally, the mother was keen to stay, with the door firmly locked, until she too had done a wee (really - this was all discussed loudly and in great detail). Child wasn't having any of it and started shouting in a manner that to my mind should have won her a sharp slap to the back of her legs. Never did me any harm. Etc.

I'm washing my hands and marvelling at the total lack of self-concsiousness that comes as part of the territory when you're the mother of a small person, when the following exchange occurred and completely blew my mind....

Mother: NO, smallperson! You must stay here until Mummy's done a wee! Leave the door alone!

Child: NONONONONONO I WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW! NOW!

Mother: Oh, but darling. Mummy needs a wee too. Please don't unlock the door.

Child: I AM! I AM UNLOCK THE DOOR! I GOING NOW!!

Mother (presumably in an attempt to incentivise the little bastard darling to stay): Oh, smallperson. Look! Do you want to help Mummy wipe her bottom?


Ohgodohgodohgod. I exited stage left, scarred for life.

Please tell me she didn't mean that?

Please?