Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Mortified

So.

There we were last week, in the queue at Weight Watchers.

It’s an uncomfortable sort of atmosphere – everyone panicking about whether they’ve lost, or put on, or whether they should have eaten that entire Black Forest gateau* at the weekend. People try and sneak a look at other people’s cards, trying to see who weighs more. Nobody really talks to each other, unless they’re with someone they know.

So when the Nice Old Lady in front of me struck up a conversation about the “You Are What You Eat” magazine she’s found a recipe for teabread in, it was quite pleasant. We had a bit of a chat about healthy eating, how strange and creepy we found “Dr” Gillian McKeith and her Incredible Self-Authored Degree. It was all going swimmingly, except I felt I wasn’t really bringing much to the party.

So I decided to kick things up a notch.

All full of warmth and sisterhood, fuelled by our frank discussion on how strange it is that a person would want to pick through another person’s poo (Gillian McKeith, that is, not me) and secretly delighted that an Older Lady would talk comfortably to pierced, pink-haired me, I got a little brave. Have you ever watched that “How to Look Good Naked” programme? I asked. It’s really good. Only, he takes these women who aren’t comfortable with their bodies and he teaches them what to wear to make the most of themselves and by the end of it they’re confident enough to do a naked photoshoot and then a catwalk show in their underwear in front of their friends and family. It’s really.....affirming. Mindful of Older sensibilities I was, of course, careful to point out that the host, Gok Wan, was a bit alternative. On the whole, though, I was happy with my recommendation.

Fast forward to last night’s show, which largely comprised a variety of (naked) women shouting either “Brazilian!” or “bush!” in response to a survey on how they preferred to manage their minges. This was interspersed with lots of references to the rather full-figured participant’s “bangers”. And did I mention lots of people were naked? I mean, naked. On Channel Four. At eight pm. And I recommended this programme to a stranger. Sweet.

I might try Slimming World this week.

*Bleurgh. I would rather eat Rik Waller’s toejam.

10 Comments:

Blogger EmmaK chimed in with...

That program looks ace, I only wish we had it over here in the USA.

24 May, 2007 00:16  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Fuckimissedit.

24 May, 2007 11:20  
Blogger Eliza chimed in with...

damn i missed it too- thank god for 4 on demand!

pink hair? cool i used to have pink hair then my mum made me grow up- damn this war

24 May, 2007 12:01  
Anonymous Femme chimed in with...

I think you have a lack of comments due to no one being able to express theri feelings at your post...I am not afraid:

HAHAHAHAHA You funny bastard.

24 May, 2007 17:12  
Anonymous Thursday chimed in with...

What is toejam?

24 May, 2007 17:47  
Blogger Doris chimed in with...

Gok rocks. I am sure you little old lady acquaintance enjoyed your viewing recommendation. I bet she was just as delighted as you to find someone willing to talk to her, without pigeon-holing her on her appearance.

24 May, 2007 19:55  
Anonymous rivergirlie chimed in with...

he's so much nicer than that awful 10-years-younger woman. i've added her to my looong list of people i'd like to slap

24 May, 2007 22:39  
Blogger Cheezy chimed in with...

Sometimes the boss makes me watch either '10 Years Younger' or 'How to Look Good Naked'. Particularly if she's had to watch football the previous night. Anyway, I like to make sure my dinner is long eaten-and-digested before either of these shows kick off. It's graphic stuff.

NB: I've never understood Gok referring to those 'bangers' though. I thought they were sausages?

25 May, 2007 10:12  
Blogger 007and a half chimed in with...

Goodness, the man in your picture is flexible isn't he? My dog can do that but I didn't think many humans could.

I'm constantly amazed at how weird people are [wanders off in bewilderment].

25 May, 2007 20:12  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

i was speechless last post, and just as the language neurons were rebooting, THIS.

bangers?

26 May, 2007 17:41  

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