Wednesday, July 05, 2006

A return to form...

It's been mentioned before, my little obsession with the wondrously self-deluded god that walks among us - David Hasselhoff.

Since the announcement of his impending divorce, it's been a bit quiet, Hoff-wise. Sure, he's pulled out of panto to judge some ill-advised talent programme-or-other, but that was about it. Until this week, when the weirdness that surrounds the Hoff was turned up to eleven once more.

First came the news that he'd injured his arm in a bizarre chandelier-related accident. He allegedly "hit his head" and shattered one (in a toilet?? Was he pogo-ing?), thus severing a tendon in his arm. However, as luck would have it, the ambulance controller on shift that night has a blog (not linked because he tried to conceal the identity of Big D), and says the incident was reported as a "shaving accident" involving something heavy being dropped on a glass shelf, thus severing said tendon. So far, so mysterious. For a man who famously escaped the Betty Ford Clinic on his first night, and who was subsequently found face-down and unconscious in the remains of a hotel mini-bar (I understand he didn't manage the Toblerone - shame on you, Hoffmeister), it's all looking pretty tame. Considering.

But let us not forget who we are dealing with here. In the last ten days or so, Ol' Chickenlegs has been proclaimed the King of the Internet, generating more traffic than the Iraq war, the poxy, parasitic, irritatingly-named WAGs of the England football team and Jordan's tits put together*. I rather suspect this might have gone to his head, a bit.

And so, today's fabulous article, in which the Hoff's press team vehemently deny that he was thrown out of Wimbledon for being, well, a bit pissed. Apparently he tried to get into the press area without a pass, and was "escorted" from the premises. Fucking brilliant. Far be it from me to revel in another person's problems, but if it puts headlines like "Hassled-Off" on the front pages of the red-top press then more power to his elbow.

All hail the Hoff! We bow before his mighty bouffed hair, his pigeon chest and skinny pipecleaner legs! We didn't really like the picture where he was naked with the puppies though. No. Not so much.

* I know I'm only adding, in my own small way, to his ego. But if he finds this blog and wants to marry me, well then it will all be worth it.


Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

And it was announced this week that Ice-T is going to produce dear David's rap album.

His rap album.

Where he raps.

05 July, 2006 19:24  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

????? i can't WAIT to hear that.

mind you, i'm a big fan of william shatner's album..

05 July, 2006 19:36  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

what is your considered views of the allegations about him beating his wife?

05 July, 2006 19:43  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

ah. you see, this is all pretend. in real life, i have no doubt at all that he is a petulant, aggravating drunk who is only able to express his opinions via the medium of being a complete and utter fucking twat (much like my stepfather. i really do feel for hasselhoff's wife and kids if the allegations are based in truth. really.).

however, for blogging purposes he is a cheesy, chest-wigged source of hilarity. in the same way that i am a feisty, arrogant madam rather than the wussy sap i am in real life.

i know this makes me a bad person. i can't help it though.

*looks around wildly for a distraction*

oh look! pete doherty shooting up!

05 July, 2006 20:05  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

I need The Hoff to be able to put my own misery into perspective.

I often find myself asking "What would The Hoff do?" when faced with a difficult dilemma. Although often the answer is "get shit-faced and release another album in Germany" which is not always appropriate to the situation in hand.

05 July, 2006 20:24  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

oh, i don't know....

*wanders off, whistling "winds of change"*

05 July, 2006 20:37  
Blogger Billy chimed in with...

I'm impressed and delighted you managed NOT to mention about the Hoff being big in Germany. That gets tired.

05 July, 2006 20:50  
Blogger Tabby Rabbit chimed in with...

One news site (Candian, though let's not start that again) said that he'd hurt his arm in a freak shaving accident..

Agree about the news titles: my favourites so far: 'Hoff his face' and 'Hassled-Hoff'

05 July, 2006 20:55  
Blogger Heather chimed in with...

Ahh, not you see I have a very similar method of problem solving Kellycat: What would the Shat do?

I find solving my own problems from the perspective of William Shatner to be most liberating.

Did you ever hear the album he released with Ben Folds? It was quite brilliant!

As for the Hoff, the man is a god. A really stupid god with awful hair, but a god nonetheless.

05 July, 2006 23:48  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

The thing I hated about the Hass (BTW: that's German for 'Hate', geddit?) was that he stopped me slathering over all those bouncy babes like Pam on that there beach-rescue thingy. I even got a soft-on, dammit ;-)

06 July, 2006 05:24  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Surly, I was in a pub the other night and in the ladies' loos there were lots of pics of the Hoff.

One of them was a teenage magazine article from 'Knight Rider' days full of dos and don'ts if you want to date him.

Lots of guff about being yourself, and to be prepared for 'anything' on a date, from a motorbike ride to a trip to the local McDonalds.

Most hilariously, it said 'don't drink or smoke'.

06 July, 2006 09:24  
Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

Popbitch shares your interest in the Hoff. If you don't already, subscribe at

06 July, 2006 11:03  
Blogger longcat chimed in with...

Hoff Bliss


06 July, 2006 11:57  
Blogger Heather chimed in with...

Longcat, that may well be the greatest thing I have ever seen.

God bless you for bringing that little bit of Hoff sunshine into my life.

06 July, 2006 15:51  
Blogger the plate invigilator chimed in with...

Check this's a worthy campaign to get the Hoff to number One in the hit parade. He can then unleash the full horror on an unsuspecting generation weaned on Beyonce and McFly. The fun!!

06 July, 2006 17:31  
Blogger Universal Soldier chimed in with...

Anyone got any suggestions on a female equivalent of the Hoff - I'm feeling a bit left out of all of this.

06 July, 2006 18:42  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

longcat - i've seen that before but forgot how fabulous it is - thank you!!

06 July, 2006 23:29  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

He was but a mere blip on my screen during the Knightrider days, and nothing more than a bit of random static during Titwatch. All this is news to me.
Really really wierd news.

I feel so uncool now.

07 July, 2006 01:35  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK chimed in with...

Oh, sweetie, I *completely* forgot to give you the heads up when I blogged a post about The Hoff. We had a lot of fun that day; someone even put up a link to the "Wax The Hoff" game. Check it out when you get a chance ...

07 July, 2006 02:04  
Blogger tom909 chimed in with...

Do you girls realise how tough it is for us guys having to go up against blokes like the Hoff. If only I could sing like that and just to be able to make even just one video half as good as that, god, then surely my life would not feel so empty.

07 July, 2006 10:14  
Blogger rockmother chimed in with...

Goodness - look at that signature. It's quitr something else. I wonder what a graphologist would have to say about that over-ebullient scrawl.

07 July, 2006 12:15  

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