Thursday, April 24, 2008

Here I am!

I am alive!!

Yeah yeah, I know, enough with the drama already.

So I had my surgery and I came round in the recovery room and tried to scratch my nose but the oxygen mask was in the way. Um, oxygen mask? Yup. The surgery turned out to be a little more intense than anyone had anticipated, so they had to put me under a bit deeper, which meant that I needed a little more help to wake up again. Still, up I woke.

And snuck a look under the covers and saw a great big enormous padded bandage from mid-thigh to shin on my left leg. Okay so far. Except....ow! That hurts! The nice nurse lady asked if I was in any pain. Yes, was the emphatic reply. So she had a half-whispered conversation with the anaesthetist. Who had explained to me before surgery that he would give me extra pain relief and a local into the knee joint before bringing me round. Brows were furrowed. The nurse mentioned codeine. More frowns. A decision was made.

Ladies and gentleman, I am here to tell you that morphine rocks*. It tastes a little bit like a strong gin and tonic, and brings on the most fabulous la-la-la floaty feeling. Delicious.

Upshot being (like you care) that I had a microfracture procedure on my left leg. Basically, the bone lining between femur and patella had worn away and bone was rubbing on bone, explaining the sicky graunching noise the knee made when I walked down steps**. So the rest of the rough lining was removed and lots of little tiny holes have been drilled into the knee end of my thigh bone in an effort to stimulate scar tissue to cover the exposed bone. I am signed off work for two weeks, and am partial weight-bearing on crutches for four to six weeks. I have been sternly informed that this may not help my symptoms and further surgery may be needed.

Now, the Munchausen's part of me is naturally pleased. Look at me! Proper broken! But then I remember that I have to think through every physical manoeuvre before I attempt it, and that I struggle to put my own underwear on, and that crutches are not nearly so much fun as I thought they were when I was nine and Oona Landridge broke her leg and let everyone have a go on her crutches at break time. Also, that I am getting married in fifteen weeks and have bought the most amazing pair of Fuck-Me shoes to wear and they have four and a half inch heels and dammit I want to wear them!!

So. anyway. That's where we're up to. I will naturally bore you more at every possible opportunity. Meanwhile, the cat continues to claw at my bandage and glare at me as I have disrupted her daily routine of dragging her ringpiece along the kitchen worktops while we are out of the house.

Flowers, gifts and large bottles of Bushmills in the the comments box please.

* Disclaimer: Drugs are bad, mmkay?

** You're welcome.

16 Comments:

Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

So that's what the little bugger gets up to while we're at work...I did wonder. I'll be more careful when making the toast now !!!

Get well soon hon, you've been vair brave xxxxx

24 April, 2008 09:38  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

Oh, glad you came around. I didn't know what to say by way of encouragement on the last post. Still, keep taking as many painkillers as physically possible, and things will get better.

I baked you a cake you know ...

...

(Not really. You've undergone enough punishment and trauma this week)

24 April, 2008 09:58  
Blogger Jo chimed in with...

So glad that you are ok :-)
My OH loved the morphine when he went under - he thought it was the best thing about it!
Sending over the virtual bunch of grapes (I squished them a bit and put them in a bottle...)

24 April, 2008 13:20  
Anonymous Beth chimed in with...

Mmmmmmmmmm....drugs.
(In proper legal doses, of course.)
Still. Mmmmmmmm....drugs.

24 April, 2008 16:17  
Blogger rockmother chimed in with...

Sending you a little glistening floaty bubble of sister morphine AND a bottle of Bushmills. So glad you came round and are in good spirits x

24 April, 2008 21:00  
Blogger llewtrah chimed in with...

Glad you're on the mend. I hate general anaesthetics. Maybe that's because no-one ever gives my morphine!

25 April, 2008 06:52  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i could do with some morphine (or whisky!) right now. been up since 3am. knee is the size of a house and i am Not Having A Nice Time.

boo.

25 April, 2008 08:03  
Blogger Cheezy chimed in with...

I'm pleased you came round OK and then had a nice time off your tits on morphine. I've had it a couple of times and agree that it's wonderful. In fact, in a way, it's kinda wasted on sick people. Hope the knee gets better soon....

25 April, 2008 13:02  
Anonymous Thursday chimed in with...

Yep, 'tis I. Glad to hear you made it back to planet earth.

25 April, 2008 18:09  
Blogger FirstNations chimed in with...

sending bushmills WITH a nice morphine chaser!
yes indeed, the drugs are having good to my happy making!
(go without underwear for a while. as long as you're off work anyway, right?)

26 April, 2008 22:56  
Anonymous loops chimed in with...

I had patient administered morphine after my c-section and I thought it was bloody awful. Was ok for the pain (well kinda) but I didn't like the stoned feeling. Saying that it must be very addictive as I didn't want to part with my drip even though I was hardly using it!

28 April, 2008 16:31  
Anonymous Femme chimed in with...

Oooo! Well done, clever you. Glad you are alive and have been openly experimenting with drugs, that is at least 50% better than I have been in ten fucking years...

...I am still just slightly impressed by the crutches thing, in fact I might go hire me a pair tomorrow and put a crepe bandage on...just for the craic. Big Kiss for your poorly knee.x

30 April, 2008 17:59  
Blogger Darren chimed in with...

ouch - hope it mends well, and the heels get worn in full glory (I used to lurk, perhaps I commented at some point, and now am back again)

Note to self - don't go back to the doctors complaining of the pain in my knee and the crunchy noise it makes

12 May, 2008 14:20  
Blogger Stevyn Colgan chimed in with...

I had an arthroscopy myself this year. I suddenly felt so old because I had something with the word 'arthro' in it. Arthritis. Osteoarthritis. Arthritic. See? It all sounds so ... so ... Stannah Stair lift.

What's that? Arthropod. Oh, that's a bug isn't it?

I may have to rethink my argument.

13 June, 2008 00:07  
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15 October, 2008 06:26  
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