Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Shit off, losers.

We are engaged in a Mexican standoff, my employers and I.

I resigned on Friday, in writing, explaining that I was giving them two weeks' notice. I received a shitty letter on Saturday, informing me that, although they were accepting my resignation*, they "couldn't commit" to my leaving in just a fortnight. At this point they felt moved to inform me of my leaving date. So I wrote back, ever-so-politely explaining that they seemed to have misunderstood - I wasn't asking if I could leave in two weeks, I was telling them when I was leaving.

It all got a bit weird after that. I had an email this morning from the Personnel department saying that the director understood my feelings, but would "like" me to work four weeks' notice. I wrote back, by now slightly thrown by resigning for the third time in as many days, reiterating my leaving date, giving them chapter and verse on exactly why I was leaving, and pointing out that I am in fact free to leave (on full pay) at any moment owing to them failing to provide a safe working environment for me, and that they should consider two weeks pretty reasonable given the circumstances.

They have yet to respond.

And so here we sit, in a weird limbo**. I am resolutely not going back after next Friday. They are going la-la-la and telling themselves that they are resolving the situation and that I will work a four week notice period. Which they have not, and I am not.

Now, having looked into the technicalities of not fulfilling my contracted notice period, I am almost looking forward to it getting into a real pissing contest. I mean, what's the worst they can do? I don't need a reference from them. They can't refuse to pay me for hours worked, or withhold my P45. They can threaten me with legal action, but they would have to pay to bring a civil suit and are extremely unlikely to win any compo. In any case, the minute they get legal on me I'll simply walk. If I'm getting sued for two weeks' notice we might as well round it up to three, after all. So yeah, bring it on. And all that.

That said, a small part of me is slightly worried that on the morning of Monday 18th June I will hear a sharp knock at the door at seven o'clock, following which I will be forcibly restrained, carted off to a small Nissen hut in the middle of the forest and compelled to catch up on my filing under pain of torture. Perhaps they will make me watch Ainsley Harriot on a loop until I agree to do another two weeks. Perhaps small bamboo slivers will be slid beneath my fingernails, even as Jodie Marsh explains in a grating voice that if I don't comply she will fill me in on every z-list nightclub conquest she's ever made, or maybe Alan Titchmarsh will read aloud every sex scene from every book he's ever written in a bad Fronch accent while I am waterboarded.

So. Um. Aren't I brave? Or stupid. Delete as applicable. You know the routine.

UPDATE: I rule! They finally capitulated saw sense yesterday. Strangely, this change of heart came about fifteen minutes after I sent an email to the senior management team detailing exactly what working conditions were like on site. It's amazing what can happen if you can manage to get "Health and Safety Executive" and "ACAS" into the same sentence. Goodbye, random employers! Best of luck with recruiting to fill the vacancy!

* Also, what happens if they don't accept a resignation? Has that ever really happened to anyone? Do you get locked in the stationery cupboard and have more and more work slid under the door until you are forced to either process it or die? Do tell.

** By that I am referring to that what-happens-now place, not that my employers and I are attempting to outdo each other by sliding under a series of ever-lowering poles, with the winner being the one who doesn't touch their shoulders on the floor. Oh lord. What if that is what they are planning? With my knees, I'll never win. I'll be there forever.

15 Comments:

Blogger bedshaped chimed in with...

Fight, fight, fight.

05 June, 2007 21:08  
Blogger Murph chimed in with...

They might sack you!

05 June, 2007 21:46  
Anonymous rivergirlie chimed in with...

i'm glad you've given them your ultimatum. it sounds like a completely mental place to be working - you'll be so much better not being under constant threat of decapitation! (also i'm hoping you'll spill the beans eventually on where and what it is - sounds like beirut, but i suspect that would be a bit far to commute)

05 June, 2007 23:50  
Anonymous Eliza chimed in with...

i had a resignation declined once- i laughed so hard at them they gave in.

06 June, 2007 11:15  
Anonymous Fidel chimed in with...

Time to start misbehaving. Slurring after lunch, arriving at 10.20, playing solitaire on the PC, phoning Australia and generally being the employee from hell-

Good luck in the new job!

06 June, 2007 14:22  
Blogger Arabella chimed in with...

Employers should go about in a constant daze of amazement that we turn up at all. Even the nice ones.

Good luck with it all, Surls.

06 June, 2007 17:25  
Blogger misschevalier chimed in with...

Surly Girl,
I would suggest that you tell them you are terminating your employment (on the date you have specified). Ask them to tell you, for the sake of clarity, if what they are actually saying, is that they need you for the extra two weeks. (make sure you get ALL of this in writing).If they NEED you, you will be happy to work the extra two weeks, on a separate contract at a rate of pay commensurate with current consultant fee rates.
They'll let you go, or they'll pay you a fortune for two weeks work. You decide!
Miss Chevalier

07 June, 2007 05:11  
Anonymous sooz chimed in with...

Go Surly!
Good idea Miss Chevalier - and if they do agree to a two week contract you behave as fidel says!
I had to stay 12 weeks to serve my notice once! (I couldn't risk them denying me my pay at the time though)

07 June, 2007 09:26  
Blogger violetforthemoment chimed in with...

I think you just became my personal hero, surly.

07 June, 2007 20:14  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

*blushes*

07 June, 2007 20:43  
Anonymous c'lam chimed in with...

go you!

what's next?

09 June, 2007 08:03  
Blogger violetforthemoment chimed in with...

I am intrigued by what your job actually is though. If anyone's up for a sweepstake I'll have a fiver each on nursery school teacher or cabinet minister.

09 June, 2007 14:06  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

I've always suspected she works at a McDonalds in Los Angeles, m'self...

holy CRAP. how do you NOT accept a resignation? is it like magic? like, when i wished REAL HARD for a pony? and it happened? and but I didn't like the pony so dad took it out back of the garage and there was a loud noise and then we never saw the pony again? is it like that?

and while i'm not certain what I just meant by that i'm sure you'll understand the general thrust of my intention.

10 June, 2007 17:10  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

(you understand, of course, that i nver really had a pony. that was simply a bit of illustrative exaggerration on my part.)

10 June, 2007 17:12  
Blogger The Junior Doctor chimed in with...

Nice one SG!!

Like you, I'm having employment issues. Employers will constantly try to do you over if you don't stand up for yourself so good on you for standing up and winning.

violetforthemoment and first nations, if you're serious about there being money involved, mine will go on saying that surly works for this company.

The clues are all there ;)

11 June, 2007 23:33  

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