Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Crazy talk

I swear, the world has gone mad.

Let's look at the evidence.

Kerry Katona, despite being a pudgy crack-whore (how does she do that? what's her secret? Is she mainlining golden syrup on the side?) who has recently been shopped to social services after being outed by her own mother in the tabloid press, and who is about to marry a thieving drug dealer, is still the advertisers' favourite; touting happy, wholesome festive fare from Britain's favourite, ahem, budget frozen food store. I mean, if the sight of a pikey scouse junkie isn't enough to tempt you into a bulk purchase of Iceland's famous king prawn rings, you must surely have a stone for a heart.

My six year old daughter has accepted Jesus into her life. I learned this from the Ex who, on delivering her home on Sunday after the christmas party at the British Legion (don't ask), whispered conspiratorially "we've failed as parents" and informed me, between horrified giggles, that Small Person had had quite the chat with Grandma over the weekend. Apparently, she (Small Person) has taken to buying bible story books from jumble sales and hiding them under Grandma's spare bed. She also, um, prays on the toilet, as she "can't do it in her room as Mummy or Daddy don't believe in it". For want of a better phrase, good lord! What the hell? So, on Sunday night, I had to have a cuddly chat in which I explained, through gritted teeth, that her beliefs were her own affair but that she could of course discuss them with any of us whenever she wanted. Oh, and that maybe her bedroom might be more comfortable if she felt a spot of praying coming on. We're doing the facts of life next week. Spare me.

You can't watch TV for more than five seconds these days without being accosted by adverts for the current christmas advertising wet dream, namely the DVD game thing. It's everywhere! From the more, um , mainstream offerings of Trivial Pursuit and Who Wants to Win Thirty-Two Thousand Pounds, to the slightly more random joys of Richard and Judy's You Say We Pay, which, despite retaining the moronic on-screen presence of two third-rate presenters fluffing difficult clues such as "it's round!", "it's orange!", "it's an fruit!" and the hapless contestant (in the home version I presume this gap is filled by a Mad Auntie after a fair crack at the port and lemon) determinedly getting it wrong, fundamentally fails to fulfil the "We Pay" part of the bargain. Rubbish. See also the oddly-marketed Michael Barrymore DVD game, which blithely ignores said "entertainer"'s status as potential witness in a still-unexplained death-in-the-swimming-pool-at-a-drug-filled-party enquiry, and instead urges you to invite the man in question into your living room to really hammer home the fun of a good old knees-up.

Still, soon be christmas, eh? Eh? Bollocks.

17 Comments:

Blogger Vicus Scurra chimed in with...

Bollocks indeed. Still, mustn't grumble.

12 December, 2006 22:02  
Anonymous Bill Door chimed in with...

Trouble with Christmas is they will try and drag religion in to it...

Bah!

Humbug!

(Oh Joy!, for word-verification I got

Ifuctd)

12 December, 2006 22:26  
Blogger Melissa chimed in with...

Is the answer an orange?

13 December, 2006 06:29  
Blogger Murph chimed in with...

Praying on the toilet is OK on Ryan Air Flights.

13 December, 2006 07:04  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

One of my cousins briefly found God as well. He haughtily informed his dad that "Jesus is everywhere and he's always watching you" and therefore insisted that my uncle drive everywhere below 30mph.

(God as speed camera: discuss)

13 December, 2006 07:09  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

it's reverse rebellion. She's already realised that she can't shock you with bad behavior so she's going to find god and become a policewoman and wear sensible shoes. They all go through it, try not to worry, she'll grow out of it!

13 December, 2006 08:01  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

She's been buying Bible Story books?

You're going to have to stop her pocket money if she's going to waste it like that.

13 December, 2006 11:37  
Blogger belladona chimed in with...

When I was about 5 I used to worry that I was the second coming and was really worried about it because it sounded like a lot of effort.
She'll grow out of it.

13 December, 2006 13:43  
Blogger Geoff chimed in with...

Read The Holy Bible to her. If anything will put her off, that will.

13 December, 2006 13:45  
Anonymous Angelina chimed in with...

I used to worry that spelling God with a small g meant that I would go to hell.

I also thought that my shadow was my soul and every time I did something wrong a white mark would be scratched on it like a fingernail down a blackboard and hurt it.

That's what Catholic primary school will do to a child...

13 December, 2006 13:56  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

my sisters and i asked my (non-church-going) parents if we could go to sunday school at around this age

they looked somewhat taken aback but agreed

it lasted about a week (i mean, how many pictures of jesus can a girl colour in?0

there is hope (that is it is passing phase)

13 December, 2006 21:03  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i blame the school. they're presenting it as fact, not a belief system. stupid school.

14 December, 2006 10:28  
Anonymous Thursday chimed in with...

So, what are they presenting other religions as then? That doesn't sound right Surly.

14 December, 2006 12:22  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

You should point out that if she really wants to be a good little christian, then Santa won't be coming this year because he represents a grotesque commercialisation of the religious festival and you wouldn't want to cheapen her beliefs with tawdry gifts.

14 December, 2006 14:29  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

What LC said - in fact, why not go down the Little Women route, and give all her presents away to really poor children on Christmas morning?

Hmm, at around the same age I demanded to attend Salvation Army services, but that was more to do with wanting to wave one of those tambourines around than anything. The novelty wore off, so hopefully it will for SP.

14 December, 2006 16:31  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I wish I hadn't spelt God with a small g now......

14 December, 2006 17:09  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

the school is teaching it as fact?

wow, i thought all the christian fundamentalists were in America.

I don't feel so bad about us now.

15 December, 2006 14:39  

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