WLTM
From the personal ads in the Times, Saturday 23rd September, 2006:
CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST, protestant, seeks tall white lady, 50-70+, not into trousers, drinking, dancing, entertaining. Marriage only. Anywhere. Call me now on *****6805.
Where to begin?
I'm not entirely sure what the person placing this ad was thinking when considering the best angle to approach the murky waters of the personals. Which part of the above is the unique selling point? The fundamentalist part? The protestant part? The point where it all spirals into madness and a preference for more ladylike attire is a bonus? And what of those confusing commas? Is Miss Right supposed to possess, in addition to an air of haughty disdain regarding trousers, an aversion to drinking, dancing and entertaining? Or is a small sherry and a quick turn of the Gay Gordons acceptable, subject to lower-body clothing?
It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
CHRISTIAN FUNDAMENTALIST, protestant, seeks tall white lady, 50-70+, not into trousers, drinking, dancing, entertaining. Marriage only. Anywhere. Call me now on *****6805.
Where to begin?
I'm not entirely sure what the person placing this ad was thinking when considering the best angle to approach the murky waters of the personals. Which part of the above is the unique selling point? The fundamentalist part? The protestant part? The point where it all spirals into madness and a preference for more ladylike attire is a bonus? And what of those confusing commas? Is Miss Right supposed to possess, in addition to an air of haughty disdain regarding trousers, an aversion to drinking, dancing and entertaining? Or is a small sherry and a quick turn of the Gay Gordons acceptable, subject to lower-body clothing?
It makes you wonder, doesn't it?
posted by surly girl at 6:49 pm
16 Comments:
When I was a kid our 'holidays' consisted of an annual family trip to Donegal to stay with my Mum's two spinster aunts.
They didn't approve of trousers either.
I was in my teens before I realised that it was sheer torture for my mother. She had to hide her Smirnoff in the bedroom becasue they didn't approve of drinking.
(And we're not even protestants)
... um, "marriage only" - on the first date, that is?
You might at least have published my complete phone number
Hopefully she's out there somewhere for the poor bastard. Imagine their first shag. Missionary position only. Oh dear me!
Looks like I wasted a good 30 quid there, then.
Sorry about the lack of clarity, I had to knock that ad out quickly to beat the deadline in age discrimination.
I will guarantee that he's from Northern Ireland lots of fundamentalist, protestant, trouser-hating people here. One lot have banned line dancing as they think it's too sexy. Obviously they've not seen the line dancers I've seen.
nb word ver=ewdoa
yuck a dead person?
Fundamentalist Muslim, 6'2", weak liver, seeking 27 virgins, not into freedom of speech,womens rights, skirts, bare flesh (no need to enclose photograph), no entertaining, no drinking, no parties, no dancing, no freinds, marriage only. Foothills, Pakistan. Call me now on .....
Please send on his number - he sounds like my perfect match!
I think it's a piss-take.
Not "into" trousers sounds like a hippy to me, like "I'm not into that, man.".
I can't see a Christian Fundamentalist saying "I'm not into trousers, man."
Especially not advertising in The Times.
sounds like the type of ad the police put in when they're trolling for a 'black widow'.
There's naught so queer as folk. I imagine some old fella sitting by the phone, calling in every five minutes waiting for the deluge of calls.
Thing is, I bet he'll get some too. Though I sincerely hope not so many as he expects...
I love that age bracket ;50 to 70+
How old do you figure this guy might be? 90? They usually go for the young broads.
And Tom909? Missionary? I don't think any sex is on the agenda. Ever the optimist aren't you? :-)
Sounds like a Rock'n'Roll household. He's selling it well, I'm tempted....
Why "tall", I wonder? Unless he wants his wife to be a Christian Fundamentalist Supermodel. Or to do a really great job painting the tricky bits round the cornicing (while he looks up her (obligatory) skirt...)
I love reading these ads. Particularly the ones that request "discretion" - this translates as: "I hope you like meeting in Travelodges in the early afternoon".
Portly but handsome millionaire bubble seeks taxi drivers for fun on the heath. Hampstaed area, must have own hair.
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