Thursday, September 21, 2006

Three things

1. Surely the point of paying someone to clean your house is that they clean your house? I'm sure the nice lady at the agency is going to have a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I came home from work and hoovered the whole house and swept and washed the kitchen floor. IMMEDIATE UPDATE: The nice lady from the agency is currently grovelling helplessly to the Other Half concerning the total failure of her staff to do the the job they are being paid for. Apparently one of the ladies "wasn't very well" so they cut back on the cleaning. The nice lady did brightly suggest that it was all ok though as they'd done "half a job" but that didn't soften the Other Half's stony heart any and we're getting a refund next week. Hurray!

2. The people I share an office with are very, very dull. My best bet for having any fun is, sadly, snorty Rupert-Bear lady in Acounts. She told the photocopier to fuck off today. The other two are a bit nothingy, and talk very very quietly. As a result I spend most of my day saying "eh?" like some demented old tramp*.

3. A cat has vomited on our patio. We do not have a cat. I am torn between not wanting to look at other-people's-cat vomit, and not wanting to clean up vomit left by other people's cats.

* shut up.


Blogger treespotter chimed in with...

and point 3 is related to point 1?

hurray it all finally made sense!

21 September, 2006 18:58  
Blogger DavetheF chimed in with...

Phone call from aged busybody neighbour (at 11pm): "Do you have a cat, Mr F?"

"No, I certainly don't."


"Yes, really. I'd know if I had a cat."

"Well I'm always seeing a grey and white cat outside in your garden. But it isn't yours?"

"No. It wanders about the neighbourhood. It is. NOT. My cat. Do you think I'm pretending not to have a cat?"

"Well (ignoring pointed question). I can't think whose cat it might be then."

"No idea. OK? Cheers."
Slam phone down.

21 September, 2006 19:10  
Blogger LoRi~fLoWer chimed in with...

Our neighbors have two cats that lay exclusively on our porch. And not only have they vomited on it, they also use our garden mulch as a litter box. So that's fun.

I feel your pain.

(Hi!!--Just wandering around the blogosphere, can't remember if I came from Pash's blog or Patroclus.)

21 September, 2006 21:45  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

treespotter - the two are unrelated. sorry to further your confusion.

davethef - welcome back! that's a very random conversation indeed. do you think your neighbour might be a spy and was talking in code?

lori~flower - welcome! i don't normally do the meet and greet but tesco have a rather lovely australian red on a half price offer and i am fairly mellow this evening.

*hiccups, but in a genteel manner*

21 September, 2006 21:56  
Blogger Vicus Scurra chimed in with...

I suggest revenge. Vomit up cats on all your neighbours' patios. I hope that all of your neighbours have patios. If not, I may have to hang out somewhere more upmarket.

21 September, 2006 22:23  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

cat-swallowing for fun and profit.


(and welcome, vicus..)

21 September, 2006 22:28  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

in other news (and forgive me for forgetting how to do the posh linking thing), go here for possibly the best news story EVER. lionel blair? blackpool pier? suicide attempt? pure gold.

21 September, 2006 22:32  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

"I am torn between not wanting to look at other-people's-cat vomit, and not wanting to clean up vomit left by other people's cats."

Aha! Sounds like that's Schroedingers cat! Or not.

22 September, 2006 04:03  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

And I have got up this morning to find that somebody's cat has shat on our patio (unintended assonance)

22 September, 2006 07:05  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

1. Being of stoney heart nothing was going to dissuade me from going for the full weekly refund. I'm just not designed for cleaning !

2. Photocopiers are designed for shouting at, that's their purpose in life.

3. Said vomit has now been cleaned up. However, if I have enough to drink tonight it's possible I will go next door and puke on the patio of the cunts who own the cat !!!

22 September, 2006 09:16  
Blogger tom909 chimed in with...

The solution - chuck the cat shit/sick onto their lawn - and make sure it goes everywhere. Your patio is clean and you feel a sense of justice has been done.
In the dark, of course.

22 September, 2006 09:25  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

That's certainly one option...personally I favour burning their house down and stabbing them all through the heart but I suspect the local authorities would frown on such drastic action !

22 September, 2006 09:58  
Blogger Moo chimed in with...

My housemate has 2 cats and incredibly they wont shit anywhere then the litter box...I wish they would shit in our neighbours garden they have the brats from hell!

22 September, 2006 11:38  
Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

Sound like you're going to have to be the office 'character' that those nothingy quiet types will blog about.

22 September, 2006 13:23  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

our ocd cat collecting next-doors have cats that i swear do nothing but produce substances out each end all the livelong day. they (the cats, i dearly hope, although it could explain some of the noises i've been hearing at night lately) have taken to shitting in our driveway and scraping up huge volcanoes of gravel over the result. which beats vomiting up unused portions of the parasites they carry on my porch, i guess. oh, i could go on and on.....

22 September, 2006 18:09  
Blogger treespotter chimed in with...

this is both emotionally and intellectually challenging at the same time.

the word verif is "wwchebop"

like that makes sense

22 September, 2006 18:53  
Blogger Voltan chimed in with...

Voltan too has had trouble with cleaning of late.

22 September, 2006 21:25  
Blogger realdoc chimed in with...

Has anyone noticed that cat sick looks like shit?

23 September, 2006 14:14  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

Realdoc, that's not vomit, that's a hair ball. Cat vomit is quite foamy.

All this reminds me of Schrodinger's cat vomit. The cat is shut in the kitchen overnight. Until you open the door, it is simultaneously in a state of having vomited and not vomited. So you just leave it shut in the kitchen and go to Starbucks.

23 September, 2006 18:09  
Blogger Smat chimed in with...

This whole comments section takes me back quite a few years when I had the pissed ripped out of me remercilessly for trying to explain Schroedingers Cat in a bar in London after several Long Island Iced Teas.
Ha! See, it is actually a Real Theory.
Was there not a Schroedingers Kittens theory as well?
Can't help with the cat thing (shotgun?) - we had to move house to escape our "neighbours with lots of cats" problem.

23 September, 2006 23:00  
Blogger Smat chimed in with...

that would be remorselessly, not remercilessly obviously as I'm not a cr*p speller/picker of words. Nothing to do with the wine at all.

23 September, 2006 23:33  
Blogger The Murphmeister chimed in with...

Cats are the devil incarnate. Wherever that is.

24 September, 2006 17:59  
Blogger krusty the baker chimed in with...

I regularly tell the copier/printers to fuck off. And my computer. This has led to formal complaints from my colleagues. Nothing to do with suggesting they too fuck off.

26 September, 2006 21:04  

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