Wednesday, September 06, 2006

In which I talk about me some more

So anyway, I invited loads of people to my leaving do this Friday. As you do.

I trod carefully though – walked the line between friendship and nonchalance. I mean, nobody wants what our last marketing manager had for his night out – him and four slightly uncomfortable colleagues (two of whom were myself and the Other Half*) all sitting in an over-bright bar making stilted small talk. I seem to recall making up a hitherto-forgotten appointment and ducking out after an hour. Excruciating.


Having sent my painstakingly crafted email (come for a drink! It’ll be fun! I don’t care if you don’t turn up!) I sat back and watched the replies trickle in. Most people were up for it, a couple couldn’t make it and one or two simply ignored the invitation**. The result being that somewhere upwards of thirty people will be attempting to gain collective entry to pubs in town this Friday night. Bagsy first to the bar.

I was a bit surprised at one of the non-responses. We get on quite well, you see, despite him depressing me with the news that I am technically old enough to be his mother. Quite a few people from his department were coming out, so I thought he’d be up for it and didn’t want to leave him out. He was duly invited, but didn’t get back to me. Oh well, I thought, perhaps he’s just a bit shy of being surrounded by loads of raucously drunk colleagues in a place where his mates might see him. Can’t blame the boy, really. Only, yesterday, on my way for my ninety-millionth wee*** of the day, our paths crossed. Hello [person I invited that never responded], said I. Hello, [not Surly’s real name but Surly’s assistant’s name], replied he.


So, what do you think I did next?

Did I do the sensible thing; laugh a bit (but not unkindly) and say oh dear, you seem to have us confused! I am [my real name]! The other lady is [assistant]! I suppose this means you didn’t realise the invitation for Friday was from me! Would you like to come?

Did I bollocks. Crippled by some unnameable and completely pointless social phobia, I simply smiled and carried on walking. Why? What’s wrong with me? What was so difficult about telling someone my name?

I think I was worried about making him feel bad. It’s always been the same with me, ever since I watched that episode of the Kids from Fame where it was Mrs Berg’s birthday and she invited loads of people to her party only they all (somehow) got the wrong day and nobody showed up and the final shot was of poor Mrs Berg’s old, confused face as she stood surrounded by bunting in an empty room and I cried.

For fuck’s sake.

* I am not at all confident about the grammar in this sentence****

** Note to my ex-manager – if a person has their email program set to ask for a read receipt, that person can tell when you delete their emails without reading them. You short-arsed, unpopular twat. I only asked you because I felt sorry for you.

*** Seriously. Is there really any health benefit to be gained from drinking two litres of water a day if you simply wee it out all day long like an organic perpetual motion machine?

**** I am fairly confident, however, that the part of a sentence in parentheses (brackets? Parentheses? Help! Grammar minefield!) is not called a sentence*****

***** Shutting up now. Really.


Blogger claire chimed in with...

i think laughing in his face might be worse. i think he got off easy.

you could have gotten away with so many interesting things, considering he thought you've been a different person the whole time you worked together.

doesn't matter, you'll never have to see him again anyway. that's the fun of leaving your job.

06 September, 2006 21:04  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

you have, um ,had an assistant??


please tell me that in the new job you will have two, if not THREE assistants

06 September, 2006 21:35  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with... my new job I am the assistant.

money's better tho and i won't feel like killing myself at the end of every day, so it's a win/win* situation.

* how i despise win/win. see also 110% and 24/7....

06 September, 2006 21:44  
Blogger Patrick chimed in with...

Off topic and I apologise. Can you tell me why your comments are all nice and separate boxy when mine, also on blogger, are all new page horribleness?

06 September, 2006 21:44  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

it's in the settings. somewhere on the comments tab. there's a radio button for "show comments in a popup window?". you simply say yes.

feel free to reward me with gin and turkish delight.

06 September, 2006 21:50  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

Because you pointed it out, I read "(two of whom were myself and the Other Half*)" as "(two of whom were myself and one was the Other Half*)". I don't know why. Your sentence was perfectly logical.

Grrr... I keep thinking about it and fear that my head might explode.

06 September, 2006 21:50  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

see? that's why i worry. now i have idv's confusion on my conscience.


06 September, 2006 21:56  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

As I started reading this blogpost I thought - "OMG!! Surly's about to slag off everyone for saying they're coming and then dipping at the last minute"". But you didn't. phew!! and I might not be dipping anyway - although Andy is threatening me with having to drive to Southport at 7 am Sat morning. If I come on my own, will you promise to pair me up with the least inhibited person there - like a gay or something - so I can get drunk and talk loudly about the time [insert any of those horribly embarassing things I just have to talk about when I'm drunk] ...

06 September, 2006 22:55  
Anonymous Beth chimed in with...

It's MUCH more fun being someone else's assistant than having one. As an assistant, you get to leave at 5 on the dot with no cares in the world.

06 September, 2006 23:39  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

About that water thing... here's a blog entry for you:

She's a doctor, and says that water idea is a myth.

07 September, 2006 04:25  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

The water drinking myth is the same as the one doctors espouse about aspirin thinning the blood. It's all a con and (as told to me by a leading haematologist at Addenbrooks) has no known beneficial affect on the thickness of there !

07 September, 2006 09:27  
Blogger The Murphmeister chimed in with...

Ah, but the fact that you have to walk briskly to the lavatory every few minutes is good for your cardio-vascular system.
And you never get stress headaches worrying about how thick your blood might be if you take an aspirin every day.

07 September, 2006 10:17  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

am I in trouble for not coming on friday or is the fact that you are so popular (rightly so) stopping you from caring/minding?

07 September, 2006 10:50  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Wish I WAS coming, but due to being pregnant and sick as a dog I don't think you'd really want me there..trailing at the back of the queues into the pubs, moaning, yawning and knocking back Cream Crackers.
Have a good time though and I want texts at intervals with all juicy details and any reports of vomiting, falling over and high;y mis-matched ex-colleagues snogging each other.

07 September, 2006 13:34  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

donna, i have a couple of juicy gays just for you. zanna, i'm going to let you off. since it's you.

oh, and fifi's pregnant again, everyone!

07 September, 2006 18:20  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

Off topic slightly but in relation to 24/7 - I was behind a van today for a company which claimed to be on call 4 hours a day 36 days a year. I suspect someone was getting imaginative peeling off letters. Or it's just a really shit call out service.

07 September, 2006 20:49  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

I am so unmemorable that people don't even confuse me with someone else - they just don't recognise me AT ALL.

This happened to me twice recently - with people I had just met a couple of hours earlier....


water's no good
asprin's no good
you know Donna IRL
Fifi's pregnant
how to get boxy comments

What an educational comments stream.

07 September, 2006 21:03  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

fran - that's funny!

spin - every day's a school day..

you're all welcome too btw (except people who hate me). if only everyone didn't live so far away...

07 September, 2006 21:14  
Blogger Patrick chimed in with...

Thanks Surly - still not nice and boxy but hey, I know what a radio button is now.

07 September, 2006 21:17  
Blogger Patrick chimed in with...

Ooooh, now it is - thank you!

07 September, 2006 21:18  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Wuw. What's a radio button?

SG - Re: the short-arsed, unpopular twat... what if he read the email in the preview box at the bottom of the screen, hence not actually opening it?

(That's how I read my emails, cos I'm too lazy to double click.)

Imagine how you'll feel now if he rushes out, organises some er.. strippers.. and a lorry-load of rose-petals, and a huge 'sorry you're leaving' cheque and a fluffy card and gets on his knees singing 'We'll meet again' (not a good choice, sorry) with tears rolling down his face???


Now do you feel sorry?

Ah well, don't worry. 'Cos we all know what a worrier you are...

07 September, 2006 21:58  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

ft - my conscience is clear. this is true because last friday he realised he would never see me again owing to him going on holiday for two weeks. so, to make up for it, he said goodbye last friday. and he kissed me.

on the mouth.

i'm sure i'll get over it though, with time. and gin.

07 September, 2006 22:10  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Spin - I just always get mistaken for being the sister of anyone else in the room who has blonde shoulder length hair. It's amazing how many other people I apparently have a family resemblance to, especially considering that I'm an only child.

08 September, 2006 07:33  
Blogger toomuchgrief chimed in with...

Does this mean that when you have a new/real job as of next week the blog will die as new boss will give you genuine stuff to do during the week? Scary!

08 September, 2006 16:03  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Hi SG, since it 10 here and 5 in the morning there, I'm hoping you're home and nicely tucked up in bed, snoring in OH's ear, after a wild and crazy going away party!
I'm glad you're moving on to a differnt job. Hopefully you never have to work for such a twat again.

Can't wait to hear how its going at the new place. You'll probably so entralled you won't even want to blog!! *gasp*. Maybe you better re=think this!!!

09 September, 2006 04:50  
Anonymous The Swearing Lady chimed in with...

How's the head?


09 September, 2006 10:34  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...



09 September, 2006 15:22  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Oh yum. On the lips.

If ever I bump into you (I'm the one you didn't remind The Levellers about, remember me? I'll be looking pissed off) I'll buy you a gin and tonic.

Or maybe a cup of tea, if you're Never Going To Drink Ever Again.


ps. hope the next job's brill.

09 September, 2006 19:27  

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