Thursday, August 31, 2006

A little help here?

You should bear in mind the following points when deciding what to wear for work.

The need to be a good role model.

Health and Safety considerations.


So reads the section of the handbook from my new job devoted to the dress code in the office. Helpful, isn't it?

That's right.

It isn't helpful at all. As if I don't have enough to worry about on my first day, what with vague anxiety about where I'm supposed to be, whether I can get there on time, what to have in my sandwiches, whether my colleagues will suss my psychotic tendencies in the first ten minutes...all that. I mean, it doesn't exactly lay it on the line, does it? Admittedly, when I went for the interview, the girl that showed me through was wearing a vest top, shorts and flip flops, which showcased her extensive tattoos perfectly. Everyone else looked sort of casual too, so maybe it's casual wear? Except, what if it was dress-down day? And even if it is casual wear, what are the boundaries? Where I work now, we're not supposed to wear trainers on dress-down day. What if I show up in jeans and trainers and it's all wrong? What if I wear normal office wear and it's all wrong? What if I trip over the step and skid into the office on my face, splitting my trousers in the process and showing my pants to everyone? Why do I worry about such ridiculous things?

In other news, I am about to get on my mountain bike for the first time in two years so that I can get to fat club*. I am not entirely convinced by the never-forgetting part of riding a bike, but I do recall that it makes my legs hurt. Why is life so complicated?

UPDATE: Riding a bike, running - that'll be two completely different sets of muscles then. I hate riding a bike. Hate it. There is not one single redeeming feature. It makes your legs hurt. It makes you out of breath. It is wobbly, and hot, and it fucking sucks. I thought I hated running but when I'm lumbering round the block at six o'clock tomorrow morning, gasping for breath and thinking about ringing for a taxi to take me the three hundred yards home, I will instead be grateful that I am not riding my bike. And to think, I sold my car all full of oh, I can ride my bike to my new job. Why did I do that? Why? At least there's enough in the kitty for 500cc or so of two-wheeled entertainment...but that's another story.

* Lost twenty pounds since May! Woo!


Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...


You'll get used to the bike again really quickly

31 August, 2006 19:59  
Anonymous Tattieheid chimed in with...

You do get used to the bike eventually! Mine has a saddle like a razorblade and it's uphill all the way home!

I've been car less and on a mountain bike for 15mths now, don't think I'll ever get over being stupid enough to sell my scooby-doo estate!

Did have a motorbike but a local deer managed to write it off!

I'm fortunate that I live in the country so I only have to watch out for the odd tractor racer, otherwise it's peaceful and actually quite enjoyable!

Good luck with the new job!

31 August, 2006 21:15  
Blogger suburban wonder chimed in with...

That dress code sounds pretty vague to me, too. I guess as long as you keep all your bits covered up and don't wear impractical evening gowns, you should have a wealth of options to choose from.

Either that or Trinny & Susanna will be squeezing your tits on television.

31 August, 2006 21:21  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

ride to work dressed as a cow, then change in the ladies room into plain jane office workwear...then end of day change back into the cow outfit and bicycle home.

I would.

no, i wouldn't.

31 August, 2006 22:03  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

tattieheid - do i know you?

suburban wonder - the ballgown is quite appealing...

fn - do you need me to tell you again how much i love you? do you??

31 August, 2006 22:56  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

20lbs? Nice work, Surly. At that rate it won't matter what you wear to the office, everyone will be too busy admiring your waist/chest ratio.

Workwear: the dullest trousers + top combo you can find for the first day, just to give you time to guage what everyone else actually wears when the temperature isn't 35 degrees.

01 September, 2006 00:13  
Blogger Arabella chimed in with...

As long as your shoes match your handbag you'll be fine.

Anyone who can ride a bike qualifies for a time-share on Mount Olympus, I say admiringly.

Does FN mean dressing like a cow while cycling to work in the sense of a Jack and the Beanstalk pantomine costume cow? Or just a bit tarty? The former might be a bit dangerous, Surly.

01 September, 2006 05:12  
Blogger The Murphmeister chimed in with...

6am in the morning?!!
When you pass people in the street at that time, do they comment 'Surly Girl!'
Good luck in the new thing anyway.

01 September, 2006 09:38  
Blogger JonnyB chimed in with...

Definitely avoid the bike thing. I started riding a bike again a few years back, and immediately my arse problem developed. The link was never proven, but it was too much of a coincidence. Avoid.

01 September, 2006 21:43  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

I once drove to work dressed as a nun. No reason, other than I had been to sing-a-longa (okay, no comments, thanks) and didn't want to waste the hire fee.

Jeans and Docs. Sorted.

Oh, and remember to wear something on top.

Any more advice, you know where to come.

01 September, 2006 22:26  
Blogger belladona chimed in with...

20 pounds! Wow! I'm feeling the urge to shout loud american encouragements, but I will refrain. It's probably best.

01 September, 2006 22:27  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

firstnations meant a big honkin black and white holstein cow with rubber jiggly udders on the front and horns and a cow head to look through. and hooves.

yeah, i would.

tell me you love me.

01 September, 2006 22:58  
Anonymous Tattieheid chimed in with...

mmYou might know me but I don't think so! (too my regret?!)

I cuurrrently live near Perth, Scotland but I've been around and about down south.

Chances are I am/have encountered most of of what you are going through. Sometimes I feel ancient but in reality I'm only in my 50's so I can look on in amusement.

Nice to think, been there, done that, still an arsehole!

02 September, 2006 00:43  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

20 pounds - what's that in stones?


Oh, loads - well done!

(And yeah bog-standard blacktrousers and most boring top you own on Monday morning I reckon.)

That reminds me, a new girl in my old office came in on her first day wearing a tight white top and NOTHING UNDERNEATH! She came back after lunch and was wearing a bra - her line manager'd had words, apparently. Rather predictably, all the women hated her and all the boys thought she was great.

02 September, 2006 00:59  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

I would never ever work for a company that had the effrontery to dictate what I should wear. They'd be trying to dictate what I should think, next :-(

02 September, 2006 06:19  
Blogger Arabella chimed in with...

FN - "I love you."
JonnyB has an arse problem? I didn't know. Must visit his archives.

02 September, 2006 16:45  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

So are you going to be having a tattoo competition with the girl who showed you in for the interview?

03 September, 2006 17:55  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

she'd win, i think....that's never happened before..

03 September, 2006 18:29  
Blogger Rob chimed in with...

While I assume the "health and safety considerations" are things like "don't wear sandals when bricklaying" and "take off the cool shades when indoors otherwise you will spend a lot of time falling over things", there was a brief moment when I had a vision of you popping into work in microscopic shorts and a see-through top, whereupon all the office males would distractedly staple their fingers to A4 sheets, fall down stairs, guillotine their fingers off, etc etc.

OK, move along, nothing to see here.

22 September, 2006 13:09  

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