Friday, July 14, 2006

Seven things

1) The boy off the Frosties advert is NOT DEAD. Can you hear me, myspace kids? Not. Dead. He wasn’t beaten to death by a group of his peers (although he should consider himself lucky given the utter twattery of his performance. He makes me look like an accomplished actor, and I have the singular honour of having appeared in the Wickham Bishops Drama Club Summer Revue of 1982 [I was nine], doing a spastic dance in a pink dress that wasn’t done up at the back owing to me being too fat for it, while an ageing member of the Tennis Club sang “Thank Heavens for Little Girls” and stared lasciviously at my bottom), he didn’t commit suicide, he wasn’t stabbed, HE IS NOT DEAD. Please. Enough already.

2) I am making the Other Half cottage pie for tea. I was going to put “shepherds’ pie” but because I am such a complete pedant and somewhere on the autistic spectrum I couldn’t as I am using minced beef and not minced lamb and would therefore be lying. Incidentally, does anyone actually like turkey mince? I cooked some once and had to throw it away. It was grey, for crying out loud, and just smelled wrong. My brain couldn’t reconcile the smell of turkey with the sight of mince (well, it looked more like brains – all grey and wormy – but I wasn’t going to say that in case you were having your tea) and it just made me feel sick. Nasty.

3) My little sister gets married in two weeks and I don’t have a top to wear. I am also frighteningly poor. How do you think a Motorhead t-shirt might go down at a posh country wedding?

4) The Frosties boy? Still not dead.

5) I have now lost a stone doing Weight Watchers. This is marvellous news as it means a) I am more than halfway to my goal and b) I am living proof that, via the medium of WW, a person can drink six pints of strong lager on a Friday night and still lose weight. I should start my own slimming club! Yeah. For, um, bikers and alkies and that! It would be great! We could have our weigh-ins in the pub, and everything! It’s a guaranteed success – after all (and you know who you are, madam), if you get drunk enough, say….watching Dirty Dancing in the park or something, and are subsequently sick you can lose LOADS of weight!

6) We are out on the lash tomorrow. All day! Woo!

7) I can’t think of a number seven. Sorry.


Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Ah, the posh country wedding where our little sis will tie the knot...personally I am wondering what face to wear as I married my ex-husband at the same church and will be attending with my now partner. I really hope the vicar doesn't recognise me!
But, no, I don't think a Motorhead T-shirt is order of the day (or service). You do like Glen Campbell however.

14 July, 2006 21:02  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

fifi, i LOVE glen campbell. i don't think this is the issue though.

14 July, 2006 21:07  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

No, perhaps not.
What are your bottoms?

14 July, 2006 21:11  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I WILL be looking fabulous, in between feeling like I'm in a weird, stifled-sob pre-divorce time warp and (probably) very very drunk.

Can't you just ditch The Suit and by a fabulous dress to show off the fabulous post-WW bod? I can offer my services as Personal Shopper (mail order, virtual or in person).

14 July, 2006 21:35  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Buy, even.

14 July, 2006 21:36  
Blogger Pamela chimed in with...

Um, what is the 'lash'?

14 July, 2006 21:37  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

oh, pamela. you know. drunk. as in, my mother has my child and i will get stupefyingly plastered. all that mature stuff.

fifi - if you're buying, then i'm in.

14 July, 2006 21:44  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

Just wear a plastic bag and try to convince everyone that it's what people are wearing in Milan. If you hold your head high, they'll believe it.

Um, is the Frosties boy alive?

14 July, 2006 21:51  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Sorry, forgot about the finances, Yummy Mummy syndrome striking again! (Oh go bake some cakes, Fifi!)
What about Primark, George at Asda and Matalan? Or, alternatively, I have a fab black jersey wrap dress I could lend you? (and a greeny, patterned one)

14 July, 2006 21:54  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

i have no idea who the frosties boy is. but now i wish he was dead.

congrats on the loss of a stone. i understand that hurts like a sonofabitch when it happens.

15 July, 2006 00:08  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

As chance would have it, just blogged about summer diets this very minute!

Grating minds think?

PS: Wear sexy black underwear under a thin white summer dress. That'll get all the men staring and all the wimmen tut-tutting ;-)

15 July, 2006 06:02  
Blogger rockmother chimed in with...

I am worried that the advertisers love Frosties boy and have signed him up for five years of repeats. That's not even him singing - it looks dubbed - and it's thoroughly vile. If we all get together and complain to the ASA (Advertising Standards Auth.) then they will take it off air. It only needs 6-10 complaints. On the grounds of insomnia causing, offensive drivel maybe?

A stone - that's brilliant - well done. Re: wedding - what's wrong with a Motorhead t-shirt? Oh ok....well I'm with Fifi on that one - Primark have some good stuff for £8-£10. I bought a lovely cheap dress from there the other day and people keep asking me where I got it. Of course I tell them I got it in the Chanel sale....:-)

15 July, 2006 08:53  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

fn - you can watch the video here (you'll have to copy and paste as i've forgotten how to do the html)

don't forget to turn the sound up. and take your brain out.

15 July, 2006 11:41  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

The Frosties boy isn't dead, it's true, but only because he doesn't live in Cardiff.
Can't someone take it upon themselves to track him down and sort him out?


ps. I shall shortly be posting an entry entitled 512 things, as I am so much more resourceful than SG and also I know how to do html and my teeth do that PING thing when I smile and dazzle everyone. So there.

15 July, 2006 13:10  
Blogger DavetheF chimed in with...

You should try ostrich mince. It's red but very lean, and healthier and tastier than beef. Ostrich steaks are good too.

15 July, 2006 16:43  
Blogger garfer chimed in with...

Then there's turkey ham.

Ham comes from oinkers, everyone knows that.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

15 July, 2006 23:00  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

davethef is right-ostrich is very good. they raise it out here! also buffalo; very lean and rich.
turkey mince is only good for making stock. bleah.
mercifully, no sound card. i'll watch the silent version. will it be like Chaplin?

16 July, 2006 05:07  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

garfer, do you know where I could get turkey bacon?

I've only seen the Frosties boy once and *I thought it was quite funny*. Shall I leave now? Actually, having said that, I find myself not wanting to watch it again.

I also quite liked turkey mince.

Ostrich is tasty. Venison too. Have you tried venison mince?

And finally, Primark dresses - excellent for £10 although don't expect it to survive the first wash.

16 July, 2006 12:05  
Blogger JonnyB chimed in with...

My little sister is getting married in two weeks an' all.

I have bought a tie, specially.

16 July, 2006 14:28  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

jonnyb - are you my brother?

please don't be my brother.

16 July, 2006 16:29  
Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

*Chuckling at First Nations* Damn, I wish I had said that. Now I'll just have to be boring.

I've pioneered the alcohol diet with great success. Actually it's a fruit, veg and alcohol diet - nothing else. It really works but you've got to remain in reasonable proximity to lavatorial facilities for the first fortnight.

17 July, 2006 10:55  
Blogger The Boy chimed in with...

You have to get turkey mince made only from the leg and not the breast to get something with flavour and colour. Can be quite nice, but you need a complient butcher.

17 July, 2006 15:47  
Blogger JonnyB chimed in with...

Long lost, don't worry. See you there. You were only little when they put me in Barnardos.

17 July, 2006 20:48  
Blogger Sooz chimed in with...

You could wear the Motorhead T-shirt back-to-front with a load of (nasty) beads and a corsage - nobody will notice!

Think yourself very lucky - you could be wearing a Southern Bellesque dress as bridemaid...

18 July, 2006 01:07  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

I had six pints of strong lager one Friday night. Didn't lose any weight

... but I did lose my virginity

22 August, 2006 15:21  

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