Sunday, May 14, 2006

Windmills of my mind

Freezer bags. What's that all about?

I was making Small Person's packed lunch for school tomorrow (I caved to the teacher's request that she be allowed to have a packed lunch one day a week - the inference that if she didn't she would be peerless and friendless was too much to bear....), when a thought struck me. It's not freezer bags as such. I understand the concept. That's all fine. It's the little wire closure thingies that they put in every roll of freezer bags. It just sort of got me thinking.

I don't use the little wire closure thingies. I'm not that sort of person. I'm the sort of person who rips a bag of frozen peas open with their teeth, then spends the next five weeks picking frozen peas off the kitchen floor as they spill out of the freezer in torrents owing to the huge, ragged gap in the corner of the bag that I have failed to reseal. So based on this, it's not too surprising that I don't use the little wire closure thingies that come with the freezer bags. I tie a knot in the bag instead. It's just easier. And then when you want to use whatever-it-is, you just rip the bag open and if it's bolognaise sauce, or curry, or a placenta or something (don't ask) you end up with it all over your hands and then the remains of the bag drip all over the floor on the way to the bin. So, it's easier. Um. Anyway, to sum up, I don't use the little wire closure thingies that come with the freezer bags. And I started thinking - does anyone use them? Anyone at all? I don't think they do. But they come with the freezer bags. Regardless of the fact that nobody uses them, and that they just languish in the obligatory Kitchen Drawer of Crap until you move house and throw them away. And the implications are huge.

Somewhere, there's a factory that produces the little wire closure thingies. It has a managing director, who has a secretary. There are floor managers, maintenance staff, people who run the little-wire-closure-thingy machines. There are cleaners, and packers, and drivers, and all sorts of people. All of them turn up for work for forty or so hours a week. All of them get paid. They get paid, and spend their working lives producing an item that nobody uses. Seriously. Sticking your fingers in your ears and going "la la la, my entire career is a fallacy as nobody uses the little wire closure thingies that come with the freezer bags, and if I tell anyone we'll all lose our jobs so the conceit is that we offer a valid service and it'll be fine" on that sort of scale is impressive. And now I feel like blowing the whistle, only I wouldn't know where to start. And if I did, then I would have to live with the fact that I had ruined lives and fractured families and that children would be going to school in the wrong sort of trainers and being bullied for it because their dad got laid off from the little-wire-closure-thingie factory because someone exposed the business as irrelevant and unnecessary, and I wouldn't want that on my conscience.

So I'll probably just leave it. Makes you think* though, doesn't it?

* Just me then. Right.


Blogger Sherbert chimed in with...

For some obscure reason, I use clothes line pegs instead of the wire closure thingies. But I still end up with frozen peas welded to the bottom of the freezer. And occasionally clothes line pegs welded to the bottom of the freezer.

14 May, 2006 18:44  
Blogger Katy Newton chimed in with...


You blogrolled me!

I understand the temptation to keep the little twisty things and for a long time I did, but now I just throw the little twisty things in the bin and feel much better for it. Join me!

14 May, 2006 18:55  
Blogger Smat chimed in with...

I use them, but only because I lose every packet of Klippets I buy from Lakeland. Yes, I am sad. And yes, I have frozen peas welded to the bottom of the freezer, despite using the wire thingies. Stray frozen peas come from the other universe in exchange for odd socks.

14 May, 2006 19:23  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

I use them. Sometimes.

14 May, 2006 20:06  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

*coughs embarrassedly* Err, I use them. Although I do currently have an open bag of something in my cupboard which I have fastened using a hair grip.

14 May, 2006 20:07  
Blogger rockmother chimed in with...

My mum's still got some twisty wire thingy's from c.1977 alongside the 1965 edition A-Z which she still insists on using and some playing cards we got out of a cracker when I was approx. 8 (ie: a VERY long time ago)in the kitchen drawer. I know they will still be there when I have to clear out her house when she dies. Jesus Christ - we never used them in 1977 - why oh why does she still keep them?
PS: I always make my SP's packed lunch each morning - am I an idiot?

14 May, 2006 20:40  
Blogger car01 chimed in with...

I use those klippy things (or as we scientists know them as: dialysis clips), and don't actuallly buy freezer bags with those wire tie things - Lakeland don't seem to supply them with their marvellous "fruit" bags. Probably in an attempt to sell more of those klippy things. My mum uses them though - the wire tie thingies, but only because they're free.

14 May, 2006 20:42  
Blogger Billy chimed in with...

I had to defrost the freezer recently (it was getting so the door couldn't be shut so it had to be done) Scattered on the bottom of the freezer were a large number of peas.

I do use one of the wire thingies on my coffee though, oddly.

14 May, 2006 20:45  
Blogger Arabella chimed in with...

Really should clean the fridge-again (hate that).
I've become a bit of an addict of the American zip-lock freezer bag. The other way to go here is the 'brown bag lunch' which is, er... your lunch in a brown paper bag. Now I'm feeling peckish.

15 May, 2006 02:25  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

hell yes, I use them.
for gardening.
great for tying back plants.
but on freezer thingies? thats what bread sacks are for. right? you double the torn up origional bag in a crumby old bread bag that obscures the identity of the item so you forget you have it and when you open it up several months later, you have something that looks like it fell off the Iceman.

15 May, 2006 03:13  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I use them and I *like* the idea of an entire factory and all its staff generating useless items just for me.

15 May, 2006 09:35  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

I actually buy garden twine to do up bags of frozen veg, and, er, other stuff in bags. There's not enough give in a bag of peas to tie a not in them.

Plus it's useful for me clematis and honeysuckle! My life in the house or garden would be empty and devoid of purpose without it!

15 May, 2006 10:21  
Blogger The Boy chimed in with...

Yup, Gardeners Question Time be here. They are the most useful garden appliance there is. I used some yesterday to fix a broken bird feeder (ravaged by my nemesis the squirrel). Incredibly useful outside, just absolutely no use in the freezer.

15 May, 2006 11:25  
Blogger rockmother chimed in with...

I use bulldog clips to seal stuff in the fridge!

15 May, 2006 14:31  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

Um, i use them... But they don't come with freezer bags in the states.
They come with boxes of trash bags (bin bags?) and then stay in a drawer for 20+ years.

Also - called "Twisty-Ties" here.
So important, they have a name.

15 May, 2006 15:32  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

You are mental.

15 May, 2006 15:35  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

I don't even tie a knot. I just spin and spin and spin and then tuck the tail under.

It does not work very well.

This has been pointed out to me on more than one occasion.

This does not deter me.

15 May, 2006 17:38  
Blogger It's Me, Maven... chimed in with...

For frozen veggies, if I only use half a bag, I'll stretch the opening a bit, enough so I can make a slip knot. It helps to keep the veggies under control and off my floor.

15 May, 2006 18:03  
Blogger theclamwhisperer chimed in with...

I'm not a big fan of those gadgets either but you know some twisty mogul family is living large at some tropical resort, sucking down umbrella drinks and raising little brats who actually know the name of those do-dads because their trust fund depends on it. The Twisty family is laughing all the way to the bank. Now that's what I call closure.

15 May, 2006 18:07  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I'd just like a little chat about the placenta please.

15 May, 2006 19:34  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

I can't believe your blogging about fucking freezer bags. Jeez!

Anyway (fave word), we don't use those tie things either. We're modern pooves and use those ones with the little zip.

Rainbow coloured of course.

15 May, 2006 20:23  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

I use them. So sue me.

15 May, 2006 20:53  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

I buy green garden twisty things because they are longer than the tiny little white twisties.
..and then I use them on my frozen peas and I am a happy woman and my ice-monster is pea-free.

I too would like to chat about the placenta.

15 May, 2006 21:24  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

is there a story about placenta?

cause if there is, i would be quite interested, too.

15 May, 2006 21:41  
Blogger tom909 chimed in with...

Did you see the River Cottage programme where they fried up a placenta and ate it for breakfast, Yum Yum!
We don't have a freeezer - now I feel guilty as hell about the mogul family.

15 May, 2006 22:05  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

my sister gave me a birthing book that told about the hippies eating the placenta after the baby was born. was that they type of thing you hippies did Tom?

15 May, 2006 23:35  
Blogger Zippy chimed in with...

"They get paid, and spend their working lives producing an item that nobody uses."

Who was it that requested Small Person pack a lunch? Oh, that's right, her teacher . . . .

16 May, 2006 09:10  
Anonymous Mr Angry chimed in with...

Are they the same as pipe-cleaners?

Which my non-smoking family had hundreds of growing up. They're also rubbish at cleaning other sorts of pipes.

Particularly guttering.

16 May, 2006 17:04  
Blogger Jemima chimed in with...

I stopped using wire closures (I adore the name so, I'm writhing in delight at being able to use it) because I was so afraid of becoming dependent on them in a world that I was sure was turning away from them.

This post has confirmed this terror.

Oh and that thing with the peas. Yes. I do exactly that thing with the peas.

Are you ever tempted to cook up the roaming peas? A year loose in the freezer drawer makes them a little powdery.
But at least I got to say 'wire closures' a couple of times.

16 May, 2006 17:21  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

I too use the wire closures (thanks, jvs) for gardening and wooden clothes pegs for keeping frozen peas in bags.

I wonder if anyone who works in that wire closures factory has read this post and had a nervous breakdown?

P.S. I don't care about the placenta. Thanks, though :)

16 May, 2006 19:11  
Anonymous Anonymous chimed in with...

Tescos do a good sort of bag with a whole in it that you just poke the end in and it stays closed! Please do tell about the placenta

16 May, 2006 19:45  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

only if you tell a) who you are and b) how that bag works....

16 May, 2006 19:53  
Blogger Amanda chimed in with...

that was the funniest thing i have read in a long time! esp the factory bit. I do the tear-the-bag-spray-food-all-over-the-place thing.

18 May, 2006 23:51  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

No freezer is complete without a scattering of loose peas on the bottom.

I listened to a whole programme about people eating placentas on our 9 hour journey to Lancaster.
There was one woman who had a *placenta party* and all her friends came and shared it. She said it was full of happy hormones and made them all giggle a lot.
Isn't all that earth magic stuff wonderful?

20 May, 2006 02:31  
Blogger othur-me chimed in with...

I hate peas!*

*and I don't think I care for placenta either

20 May, 2006 06:53  

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