Friday, April 07, 2006

One Wedding and a Webmarshal

It's beginning to take over my life, you know.

Not content with blocking half my favourites list on the grounds of being dirty and rude (that's most of you, I'm afraid. Dirty, dirty people), Webmarshal has now decided to randomly and arbitrarily block Blogger, or comments, or neither, or both. So, since I don't have any interweb at home for another week or so, please be aware that normal service may be interrupted, or stop completely. If this happens I won't even be able to comment on anyone else's blog, so please continue to assume that I am being a moody cow and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

In other news, we are off to a posh wedding tomorrow. We get to go all day and have the free champagne and everything, so think of me at about 5pm UK time tomorrow - I will be the one in the crumpled linen suit, with bare, dirty feet because my new shoes have given me blisters, sobbing gently into a vol-au-vent with mascara halfway down my face because weddings are so beautiful and why won't my divorce come through and isn't it all so romantic and can we get married? Can we? Next week? And then I will become convinced that the Other Half is only comforting me because he doesn't really want to marry me and I will sob harder and then start a fight with a random stranger on the basis that she was flirting with my boyfriend and I will be sent to wait in somebody's car until apologies can be made and I can be driven home, lolling unconscious in the passenger seat with my head wobbling on my neck like a special and when I wake up in the morning I will have feelings of shame and fear and spend the day apologising for things that I have no recollection of but that nonetheless lurk in the shadows of my memory leading to vague unease and increasing self-loathing.....

On second thoughts, I might drive.

32 Comments:

Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

I'm first!

Hope you had a good time. Don't drive, you don't want to waste all that free champagne, do you?

07 April, 2006 09:44  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I can hardly wait until tomorrow now !!!

07 April, 2006 10:01  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

That is hilarious. Why do we put ourselves through these events?

btw - set yourself up an email thingy on blogger so that you can email blogposts in. Then you can do it from work even if the WebMarshal tries to stop you. And tell people not to swear in your comments, then you can still access them, or will that make them swear more? Are blog commenters like children in that respect?

07 April, 2006 11:23  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

Yeech, can't stand weddings, you have my sympathies. They're really not worth the PWD (post wedding depression) but it always happens, along with the atrocious hangover. I always hope that the couple getting married end up being as miserable as me.

Get stuck into the booze and don't drive (unless you're planning to make an early exit).

07 April, 2006 12:04  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I've got a posh one coming up in June. It coincides with my birthday so i won't be able to have a party. The only person I will know there other than the bride is someone I've spent the past two years hiding from. And I'll have to buy some hideous outfit, pay for a night in a hotel, drive over a hundred miles to get there etc. Can't wait.

07 April, 2006 13:01  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i'm actually looking forward to it, except for I CAN'T FIND ANY FUCKING SHOES. and the other half needs a shirt, and a tie, and some shoes, and we haven't bought a present yet.....

07 April, 2006 14:27  
Anonymous Mr Angry chimed in with...

Come now Surly Girl, it won't be EXACTLY like last time...

07 April, 2006 14:36  
Blogger Moo chimed in with...

I love a good wedding, there's always a some sort of commotion going on or if your lucky a fight! I have a wedding in Hungary in August, ideal holiday and wedding rolled into one!

07 April, 2006 14:51  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

GSE, that sounds possibly even worse that a wedding where you're the only non-couple.

The thing I hate about weddings (as a singleton) is that poeple ALWAYS say "Maybe you'll meet someone there!"

Grrrr.

07 April, 2006 15:23  
Blogger crisiswhatcrisis chimed in with...

I've been invited to one on Sunday cos my Missus did the flowers. 'We'd love you to come and share our day so we can say thank you properly for the flowers'.

If it was me: Look, we've never met, so just pay the bill, keep the champagne, and we'll call it quits, all right?
Her: Of course, we'd love to come, how kind of you.

So now I've got to go to a wedding where I won't even know who the fucking bride and groom are. Let alone anyone else. Bet I manage to embarrass the crap out myself somehow.

And as for not swearing, fuck that.

07 April, 2006 15:45  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

I have found that a few painkillers at the beginning of a night of new shoes does wonders.

And for heaven's sake, DON'T TAKE THEM OFF until you get home, as there's no getting them back on.

Assuming you find some shoes, of course.

07 April, 2006 18:31  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

I see you've quashed the no swearing suggestion by saying "Fucking". On your head be it...

I'm going to a civil ceremony 'wedding' in a couple of weeks. It's going to be pink.

* vomits - after eating all the red jelly babies to ensure the puke is colour coded *

07 April, 2006 20:06  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

Weddings ARE fun, aren't they, hmm?

Hands down, you'll enjoy yourself more if you can't stand up.

Maybe then you can go to sleep and not have to bother with the rest of the crap.

07 April, 2006 20:26  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Have fun! I enjoy a good wedding...unfortuntately, these days its more funerals than weddings. But I enjoy them too. :-)

Yes, see what kind of weird person you have for a friend?

08 April, 2006 04:57  
Blogger Arabella chimed in with...

Perhaps there will be a comic vicar? That could be diverting for a sherry or two. Best of luck.

08 April, 2006 06:45  
Anonymous Arabella chimed in with...

See that comment up there? That's me, that is. That Daisy, or whatever her name is can sling er ook.

08 April, 2006 06:50  
Blogger tom909 chimed in with...

Do you think the length of time that the marriage lasts is directly proportionate to the amount of money spent on the wedding? I went to one once where they had fucking harpists (Sorry, I have to swear there to give you the full feel of my experience as I entered the marquee). Eighteen months and sadly it was all over.

08 April, 2006 08:59  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Bubble wrap on your feet.
Sexy, bouncy, fun.

There you go. Any advice you need, just ask me.

08 April, 2006 11:59  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

if you do the anti-sweary thing i WON'T FUCKING BE ABLE TO FUCKING WRITE.
after you get a little older you'll find that the wedding mill grinds to a halt. then the divorce tsunami gathers speed... and then the random and senseless shacking up with people they met on either porn chatlines or 'phillipino brides.com' stage begins. no, age is not pretty.

08 April, 2006 22:46  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Harpists??

hahahahahahaha!

09 April, 2006 21:20  
Blogger treespotter chimed in with...

one thing i don't get is that since everybody seems to hate weddings, how come there's always so many people there?? i'm yet to read a good wedding party experience anywhere.... unless that's just me and my choice of blogs?

10 April, 2006 11:54  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

It all sounds like a barrel of laughs to me...

10 April, 2006 19:59  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

MrMcG: sorry. please sir, may I have a whack?
*whack*
thank you sir, may I have another?
*whack*
thank you sir, may I have another?
*whack*
thank you sir, may I have another?
*whack*
thank you sir, may I have another?
*whack*
thank you sir, may I have another?
*whack*

10 April, 2006 23:13  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

actually, from wha i can remember the wedding was fabulous.

still no internet at home though. not that anyone cares any more. bah.

11 April, 2006 21:53  
Blogger bedshaped chimed in with...

I should apologise surly, especially after you said that I was 'work friendly' once again, because my language probably hasn't helped of late.

11 April, 2006 23:03  
Blogger Sherbert chimed in with...

Oh sort your internet out Surly, for fuck's sake!

12 April, 2006 20:11  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

for pete's sake, don't you have a connection yet?

you need to have a talk with those in power!

12 April, 2006 21:33  
Blogger tom909 chimed in with...

Just to correct what might have been 'a possible misunderstanding in an ealier comment. The harpists were not actually 'fucking', well not at the wedding anyway. Sorry if I misled anyone. However, it may be something worth considering if anyone wanted to provide some unique wedding entertainment sometime.

13 April, 2006 09:23  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Where's Surly gone?

Oh, there she is, commenting.

Hello!

Hurry up and get t'internet!

14 April, 2006 09:28  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

>>I went to one once where they had fucking harpists...Eighteen months and sadly it was all over.<<

I had trumpeters, and the marriage lasted 15 months. We'd managed seven years of domestic harmony before that. Marriage is evil.

16 April, 2006 11:15  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

trumpeters?!

blimey.

16 April, 2006 19:48  
Anonymous Zippy chimed in with...

Intoxicating post, SG.

22 April, 2006 19:59  

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