Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Miserable Cow

My back hurts.

I am not one of those people who "suffers" with their back. But now, after a week of carrying heavy things, assembling flat-pack furniture through gritted teeth and standing around in pubs* I have turned into one of those people who hobbles stoically about, offering a wan smile and assuring any enquirers that I'll be fine, really, even as they mutter "malingerer" to themselves and skip gaily off in an effort to demonstrate that they are fine. Bastards. My current gait is a cross between Mrs Overall from Acorn Antiques, and Brad Majors at the end of Rocky Horror as he totters about in unaccustomed high heels. Nice. It hurts when I sit down, when I stand up, when I lie down, when I walk, even when I moan about it.

Somebody slap me, please. I'm boring myself.

* What?? We had no telly.


Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

Glad you're back Surly, but sorry to hear about your back (if you see what I mean). Sound like OH should break out the lavender oil and hone his massage skills.

04 April, 2006 13:06  
Blogger Geoff chimed in with...

It's great that pubs have tellys in them now, isn't it?

04 April, 2006 13:44  
Anonymous Bryan chimed in with...

*mutters* Malingerer!

04 April, 2006 14:00  
Blogger claire chimed in with...

Perfect imagery with the Brad Majors. That's hysterical. Though sad, of course, for you...

Do people go about muttering "malingerer"? I love the Brits.

04 April, 2006 14:40  
Blogger shiftclick chimed in with...

What does 'flat-pack' mean?

04 April, 2006 14:46  
Blogger MJ chimed in with...

Yes, please include a glossary of terms for your foreign visitors. We've so much to learn.

04 April, 2006 15:30  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Amopodex - I did provide massage last night but I'm not sure it had the desired effect on the ailing muscles...SG fell asleep so it was hard to tell !

Flat pack, for the uninitiated, is how most UK furniture is delivered to your house, in a series of flat cardboard boxes waiting to be assembled by the home owner. Usually it turns out that most of the fixings were put in by a monkey as there are never enough of one type of screw or the bastards left the Allen key out !!!

04 April, 2006 15:35  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

can i just clarify that the furniture isn't actually made of cardboard, it just comes in flat pieces in cardboard boxes. the furniture is made of really, really heavy stuff, like lead, and elephants, and grateful dead records, that render it virtually impossible to get up (three flights of) stairs unless you open the boxes and transport it piece by piece like some endless sisyphean task.....

04 April, 2006 15:40  
Blogger crisiswhatcrisis chimed in with...

Brand new house and all you've done is moan on about how crap it is. No pleasing some people. We know you love it really, you just can't help yourself. Surly by name ...

I should send my missus round, she's ace at flatpack. She actually says she enjoys it.

She scares me sometimes.

04 April, 2006 16:19  
Anonymous Whinger chimed in with...

Don't try to sugar-coat it, SG. The house has left your bank account devoid of funds, so now you must have cardboard furniture.

At least no one has to worry about leaving drink rings.

04 April, 2006 17:13  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

Twenty years of rowing, and moving furniture after moving house was the thing that did my back in. Take care!

04 April, 2006 19:41  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

* SLAP *

There. That's for you.

I wasn't bored, though. I especially liked the "endless sisyphean task..... " comment!

04 April, 2006 19:57  
Blogger First Nations chimed in with...

RX: naproxin sodium 440mg. + long island ice tea and to bed. sleep on back using only a neckroll. next morning, good as new and no hangover either (voice of experience)

'brad in high heels', man, thats just outstanding, surly!

04 April, 2006 20:31  
Blogger shiftclick chimed in with...

Hmm. Interesting, and thank you. I can't imagine taking all the furniture apart and putting it back together. Over here, our furniture generally stays in one piece for moving, except for huge things like pool tables.

04 April, 2006 21:07  
Blogger 30-Something chimed in with...

Last time I hurt my back, the only comfort was to lean on a counter. My sister helpfully suggested getting a job in an ice cream van.

Hope it feels better soon. Moving sucks a big fat one.

04 April, 2006 21:19  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK chimed in with...

Sorry to hear about your back pains. At least the bulk of the heavy lifting is done, eh?

04 April, 2006 21:58  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

Lying flat on your back with your knees up helps and so does crawling about on hands and knees. Just depends how bad it is whether you're prepared to look a complete fool or merely like someone who does yoga a lot :)
Also full frontal hugs from small people if their arms are exactly the right height. Which has the advantages of not looking silly and of being nice.
Oh and other people doing the washing up, laundry, ironing and cooking is very good:)

04 April, 2006 23:48  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

actually it's a bit better today. and yes, i do love the new house. and on reflection, "endless sisyphean" is tautological.

oh, and 30-something - that made me laugh. a lot.

there, that's me done. pass the long island ice tea.

05 April, 2006 08:40  
Blogger The Boy chimed in with...

Last time I threw out the back (oh, maybe a week ago), LL helpfully suggested I just stop moaning as it wasn't going to get me out of doing the washing up.

Flatpacks are too made up of cardboard, just lots and lots of it compressed together by elephants with lots of gluey stuff, hence its weight.

05 April, 2006 12:35  
Blogger Bela chimed in with...

Hey, inexplicable device, I am the 'Slapper' around these parts! LOL!

I have sworn never to buy another piece of furniture that requires making up. Life's too short.

06 April, 2006 05:03  

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