Thursday, January 05, 2006

Questions

  1. Why is it so fucking cold in here? Seriously, my tiny hands are frozen and I have the nose of a healthy labrador. In protest, I have donned the dusty, ill-fitting cardigan that has languished on the back of my chair for the last three years, but nobody seems to have noticed.
  2. Why does the Ex consider that it will be a sound idea for him to take his car off the road this summer and ferry our six-year-old daughter around on the back of his motorbike? I have nothing against bikes, or bikers, but I am vehemently against a tiny fragile girl being endangered in that way. When she's bigger I have absolutely no problem with it - it's the her-being-six part that does my head in.
  3. Why am I not thin yet? I'm bored of dieting already and need a kebab and five pints of Stella, stat.
  4. Is it going home time yet?
  5. Is it wholly unreasonable of me to expect that everyone else on the road should just GETTHEFUCKOUTOFMYWAY when I'm in a hurry of a morning? I mean, I'd do the same for them (except I wouldn't, obviously).
  6. Are we there yet?
  7. Where can I engage the services of a large burly man with access to large musical instruments in order that, by the old-school device of dropping a piano on him, the Ex question need no longer apply?

Carry on.

22 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

you are being entirely reasonable on all fronts

wish i could say the same for everyone else

05 January, 2006 12:54  
Blogger Darren chimed in with...

LOL, I thought depression only set in during the end of January and February. Perhaps this is the result of global warming mucking up the seasons. Some quick answers:
1 It's winter
2 Mid-life crisis, all us guys go through it
3 Mmmm kebab (in Homer voice)
4 It is never going home time - work sucks
5 No, you own the road, you pay your car tax, stick to your guns
6 We never arrive and we all get travel sickness
7 www.yell.com could help out here. Although a lot of pain can be caused by a penny whistle used judiciously

BTW, hi I've been lurking, but have commented in your weirdos parade.

05 January, 2006 13:34  
Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

it's against the law if her feet can't reach the footrests. Can they, at 6?
My son goes on the back of mine now but he's almost 12, and only just strong enough to hold on.
As a biker for more years than ... well for a fuck of a long time, and an advanced rider (qualified, with letters an all), I wouldn't take anyone's six year old out, let alone my own flesh and blood: she's not strong enough.
Sorry. Not what you want to hear.

05 January, 2006 13:56  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Blimey Days. SP does seem a little small and fragile for the back of a motorcycle. I have of course endangered my male equivalently-aged child in that way, but only the once as it seemed so er dangerous.

And I for one didn't even bother with the diet this year and I've just bought myself a 6 pack of chocolate refridgerator cakes and a large bag of Salt & Vinegar chipsticks to comfort-eat my way out of not getting that job (nay even an interview). Here's to chocolate.

05 January, 2006 13:57  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

1. You may have a cold or alternatively, it's winter.
2. Ex is clearly mad, thwack him over the head with something blunt but non fatal and rescue small person.
3. You are thin, the scales and the mirror are just lying to you. Throw both away.
4. Yes, pick up your bags and get the fuck out of there.
5. Not at all unreasonable, add some James Bond-style killer additions to the vehicle and show them all!
6. Yes.
7. My mate Jason on 07777 ****** he'll sort you out no problem.
Hope this solves your dilemma.
;-)

05 January, 2006 15:00  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

God, everybody's well-grumpy at the minute.

It's all this de-tox nonsense. Clearly not good for you at all. I have a January full of leaving dos (including mine - hooray) so I'm back on the booze at noon tomorrow.

(Er, I wouldn't put a 6-year-old on the back of a motorbike either)

05 January, 2006 15:03  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

Why not say to ex that you've checked with the police and taking a six year old on a bike isn't legal. Up to you whether you actually check though but it would give you a good basis in case you have to do anything official to stop this idiocy on ex's part

05 January, 2006 15:08  
Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

Sorry about the post-Xmas blues. Cheer up, the days are now getting longer!

I can see why your ex is your ex. He's a bloody fool. The Beep is quite right, though there is no minimum age requirement, a child MUST be old enough to fully reach the footrests. It's da law lady.

05 January, 2006 15:10  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Can I be the large, burly man of which you speak ?

05 January, 2006 15:54  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

Everybody's blog that I read seems to be grumpy at the moment. Yet I'm being oddly cheerful and upbeat.

Obvioulsy I'm missing something.

:)

05 January, 2006 15:57  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

Oh NO to SP on the back of a motorbike.
Ex doesn't seem all that bright, really.

05 January, 2006 16:09  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Dave, keep up! It's cool to be miserable.

Buggery bolloxy bugger...

*mumble*

05 January, 2006 16:36  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

Well, I wouldn't get on a motorbike myself, but I'm a great wuss.

I hope the dusty old cardigan on the back of the chair doesn't belong to you, especially if it is navy blue, shapeless and from BHS. It's a short step from owning one of those to becoming the office drudge who has a permanent sniffle.

05 January, 2006 16:40  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

I'm too crabby to even post on my own blog-its the whiskey and sugar withdrawal.

Being fat, grumpy, cold, bored...these things do not matter one whit, compared to small person's safety!! As a fully ruffled up mother, I recommend digging in your heels and fighting the ex on this one issue. Small person is too small yet.

As I've had a bit of an education at Aginoth's blog now, I feel comfortable calling the ex a twat. The ex is a twat.
Go home and develop your game plan for war.

05 January, 2006 17:38  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

and yes, I'm goddammed well blogging from work.

05 January, 2006 17:40  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

kg, I'm appalled!

Shame on you....... ;)

05 January, 2006 23:58  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

I agree with everyone about SP on a bike. The thought of a six year old on the back of a bike! Christ...shop him to the police if he really does it.

As to the rest, clearly you're ill from dieting and must go home immediately and take kebabs with stella five times a day. An ambulance will sort out everyone else on the road and maybe you can arrange for prat/ex to be in the way en route.

06 January, 2006 01:36  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

These aren't the answers you're looking for.

06 January, 2006 06:14  
Blogger Sherbert chimed in with...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but a six year old on the back of a bike surprisingly isn't illegal - my nephew checked with regard to his son.
And Surly Girl, you ain't never having my tabby panther - he's mine, all mine but I'll undoubtedly be posting further pictures, sad sack that I am.

06 January, 2006 12:11  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Is your ex insane? My god, just imagine how badly the handling characteristics of the bike will be screwed up by the weight of a six year old child. He'll need to adjust all the settings on the rear shock absorber, change the tyre pressures to compensate for the extra weight, and if she starts fidgetting halfway through a corner, it'll completely throw him off the racing line. Madness, I tell you.

06 January, 2006 13:04  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Errr...'cos the bike's handling is the main concern here isn't it ???

06 January, 2006 14:42  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

in LC's world, yes. bless him. all these years of celibacy have taken their toll. oh, and his vibrating razor's made his head go all funny.

06 January, 2006 14:49  

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