Thursday, January 19, 2006


No. 596 in an interchangeable list of thousands of irrational fears is the fear that I might drown. It's literally the worst thing I can think of. Apart from suffocating, or burning, or getting shot, or being in a plane crash, or being trampled to death by cows*, or getting run over. But the really irrational part of my drowning fear (I am not much fun to be around when on a ship, what with my constant checking of how big the waves are, my endless obsession with how big they might get and my conviction that we are sinking) is that sometimes I worry that I could drown while drinking a glass of water. You know when you're really, really thirsty? So you get a great big glass of water? Well sometimes I'm so thirsty that I can't stop drinking the water even though I really, really need to breathe. And all the while I'm thinking "blimey, I really need to breathe. So I should stop drinking for a second and breathe, probably". Except I can't stop. I'm guessing that I probably can't actually drown this way, but it's always scary** nonetheless.

Carry on.

* This happens. It happens quite a lot. Cows are scary. Fact.
** What?? So there aren't things that you find scary that would make me point at you and laugh?


Blogger Fuckkit chimed in with...

Woah, you think too much girl. Chill out, have a vodka, try not to think of the ensuing liver damage...

19 January, 2006 12:29  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...


first your obsession with the hoffmeister, then your seeing familiar people all around and now THIS


p.s. but i agree about the cows

19 January, 2006 12:52  
Blogger car01 chimed in with...

I'm always terrified that I'm going to drown in the bath, so I stopped taking baths.

But I do shower daily. Honest :)

19 January, 2006 13:36  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

You need to learn how to breath through your ears hon...that's a skill that will have many benefits !!!!!

19 January, 2006 13:38  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Um, that's definitely crossed the bondaries into irrational.

I'm not scared of anything.

(Except frisbees. And snowballs obviously.)

19 January, 2006 13:57  
Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

I'm with you on the drowning thing. I'd rather go almost any other way. You'd make a good professional sailor - apparently it's a pre-requisite. To be scared of water. Stops you falling in.

19 January, 2006 14:47  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

I'm more scared of the covers. When they get over your face they could easily suffocate you. Beware.

My sister tells me that this fear goes back to my childhood when she hid me in the dirty washing basket under the dirty washing during a game of hide and seek.

19 January, 2006 15:00  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Also if I grow a fringe, or my hair hangs in my face in any way I start feeling I might suffocate.

Small spaces of any kind. Narrow corridors. Don't even make me think about pot-holing ... why would anybody choose to do that?

19 January, 2006 15:06  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

I'm quite worried about comedy anvils falling from the sky. Thus I drive everywhere and try not to expose my head too often.

I can drink water without breaking into a sweat, tho.

19 January, 2006 15:31  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

Breath through your arse. But not when your in the bath, obviously. That'd be daft. You can exhale through your arse quite safely though.

I've read numerous stories of people drowning by drinking too much water - about 4 litres is quite sufficient, I've heard. Scary eh?

So are you going to do some kind of expirement and try drinking yourself to just before drowning point?

Yes, go on. Try it and let us know what it was like!

19 January, 2006 15:43  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I'm scared of that too which is why I'm so desiccated and wrinkly. Try drinking with a straw.

19 January, 2006 15:46  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

I'm scared of you. Really.

19 January, 2006 16:06  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

Sweet SG -- it's going to be okay. Clearly you'd splutter the water all over in a very unattractive way prior to the ACTUAL drowning.

And cows are beautiful.

And delicious.

19 January, 2006 17:01  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

You must have a very rough breed of cow over there.

You can drown in very little water but I'm quite sure that all that practice with drinking beer will make you quite safe around drinking water!

*quietly slips some Prozac into sg's water*

19 January, 2006 18:14  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

KG - you obviously don't know Surly if you think Prozac to be sufficient.

I'm also scared of cows, but not as much as goats, geese and swans. And chickens. And turkeys. And pigeons. Most birds actually.

And sheep make me nervous.

19 January, 2006 20:44  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

I'm scared of those enormous things that get in and crash witlessly around the lightbulbs and then fall down and lie upside down waving their legs threateningly..pretending to be helpless. Urgh! May bugs or June bugs or whatever they're called.
but Whinger's right. You're quite safe.
It's true about cows though. They're weird.

19 January, 2006 21:14  
Blogger spindleshanks chimed in with...

i heard the other night that when you drown your lungs explode having filled up with their maximum amount of water. i never knew that. doesn't sound very tranquil to me though people say it's meant to be one of the better deaths, as they go.
i get scared i won't be able to stop myself doing something - like jumping in front of a train or taking all my clothes off in public. i've managed not to so far but you just never know.

19 January, 2006 23:10  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

Oh please do the taking off your clothes one, Spindleshanks!

Then post pics for us all too see/throw darts at/pin the tail on.

20 January, 2006 00:10  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Ah Mig - you're talking about the things we call Billywitches around these parts ... (East Anglia) ... They also fly into your hair and get stuck. You are right to fear them - they are evil.

20 January, 2006 10:03  
Blogger MinCat chimed in with...

yes yes! cows are EVIL!

uxakxn: you can ask them

20 January, 2006 10:47  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

I'm sure I read somewhere that someone drowned because they drank too much water... Silly git!

They should've drunk gin then they would've passed out before all their internal organs became full.

22 January, 2006 22:54  
Blogger Tabby Rabbit chimed in with...

Probably of little comfort, but I know what you mean about breathing and drinking water. When your head goes swimmy (I can't think of a better word to describe it) and you want to gasp for air at the exact moment that you're swallowing a mouthful of water.

23 January, 2006 13:33  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

yes!! that's it exactly, tr.

i wonder if i have any more neuroses that you can identify with and thus make me feel better about....

23 January, 2006 13:53  

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