Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Fat.

So, a new year then. Today heralded a return to work (although I have tomorrow off as Small Person’s school doesn’t start back until Friday (stupid school) and frankly this month I chose keeping a roof over our heads over forking out seventy quid for three day’s childminding) and it just feels weird. In my real life (the one that I presume I am living quite happily in another dimension….some days it’s only the thought of that that keeps me going) I am, as is only proper, sufficiently rich that I pass my days in a heady fluff of rich-people-pursuits such as sitting around a lot, flicking idly through glossy magazines and laughing at the poor. In this life, however, the daily grind rumbles remorselessly on and so I am once more skulking and sulking at my desk.

The one good thing about being back at work is the fact that I can finally stop eating. I am so fat it’s ridiculous. I don't even want to walk across the office for fear that things will fall off people's desks as I thunder past. I am existing on fruit and water today, and possibly forever.

How long will it take me to lose three stone, do you think? I am suspecting it may be faster to just cut off a leg. Or two.

Carry on.

24 Comments:

Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Hi SG ... I'm back too - a big fat boo to that. I got on the scales!! first time in at least a year. It wasn't as bad as I expected - although I am heavier than I have ever been and really deserve to be locked up without food for a year. Ho hum ...

03 January, 2006 10:37  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

Weehee, welcome back SG! It just wasn't the same without you.

My top tips for losing weight are:

1) Emotional trauma (though I think you've had quite enough of that in your life, and I certainly wouldn't wish you any more)

2) Wheat-free diet

3) Walking two miles a day

This mighty combination meant I lost TWO STONE last year. Woo!

03 January, 2006 10:44  
Blogger Pashmina chimed in with...

Fruit and water usually do it for me, SG. Doing up my "I can always get into these no matter how much chocolate I've eaten" trousers was a bit too much of a struggle this morning.

And Pat, two stone? No wonder there's nothing of you!

flebj: the little roll of post-Christmas stomach that you spot immediately on getting dressed for the first day back at work in January *sob*

03 January, 2006 10:54  
Blogger spindleshanks chimed in with...

oh that post christmas fat thing. it's a drag isn't it? i have great resolutions about cycling and drowning my insides with gallons of water. but it's cold outside. and there's still chocolates in the roses tin...

03 January, 2006 10:56  
Blogger MinCat chimed in with...

welcome back!

03 January, 2006 11:03  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I vouch for wheat free and sugar free

03 January, 2006 11:49  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I too am feeling pudgy so together we will clamber back on that treadmill (both physically and emotionally) to shed the Xmas excess.

Hopefully we will all soon be back to our svelte selves.

03 January, 2006 11:57  
Blogger the Beep chimed in with...

Was listening to Radio5 earlier: two stone takes six months, so three stone = nine months.
Apparently 3000 calories is equiv to 1lb in fat. So if weight is stable, reduce intake by 3000 calories per week and lose a pound. Its the ideal rate of loss, so they said on the radio. Must be right, it was the BBC.
Or increase exercise by 500 calories a day which = 1 hour (1 hour!) uphill walking, jogging, etc.

I'll just stop drinking. That should knock off about 3000 cal a week easy, if not a day.

Good luck

03 January, 2006 13:47  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

welcome back, I have missed you! x

03 January, 2006 13:50  
Blogger longcat chimed in with...

glad you're back x

03 January, 2006 14:02  
Blogger frobisher chimed in with...

I swear by amphetamines, they have enabled me to keep my 'lean & mean' look for years, shame about the psychosis, still happy new year.

03 January, 2006 16:07  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Repeat after me: Balanced diet and regular excercise, balanced diet and regular excercise...

03 January, 2006 17:16  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I just had to find a stones-to-pounds converter, which informed me that 1 stone = 14 lbs. This seems a silly measurement, but anything outside the metric system is ridiculous anyway.

Not that I understand the metric system as the Americans refuse to convert to it, and there's no sense learning it if I won't use it regularly.

But back to you: No wheat is just mean. I agree with lc. Bleh to weight loss. It's MUCH less fun than eating chocolates in front of the TV.

03 January, 2006 17:28  
Blogger Universal Soldier chimed in with...

I don't suppose this would be the place to say that I'm fed up being skinny and would love to put some weight on - I've tried everything but nothing seems to work.

03 January, 2006 19:00  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

Splendid to see... er, read you again!

Weight loss is too much like hard work. What's easier and more fun is causing everyone else to put on weight so you appear positively sylph-like in their company.
A couple of cartons of that muscle-building weight gain powder and you're away! Sprinkle it in drinks, meals, snacks, mix it in to butter/margerine - as long as no one catches you you're home and dry!

Actually that does sound like hard work. Maybe you should stick to the fruit and water after all. How did you manage today?

WV: fwfwqnky - looked so much like fuf wanky!

03 January, 2006 19:59  
Blogger frangelita chimed in with...

rFeeling fat? Not 'arf! was planning to make a concerted effort to make my £28 a month gym subscription worthwhile but have been hit by a cold which makes me want to stay in bed and eat bread and cheese...

03 January, 2006 21:17  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Welcome back, from one fat broad to another!

03 January, 2006 22:34  
Blogger Lee chimed in with...

Have gorged over christmas. Am huge. Boyfriend has banned me from wearing comedy high heels after I struck oil while walking across the lounge.

04 January, 2006 11:48  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK chimed in with...

Welcome back!!! No worries; I'm sure you're not fat, EVERYONE eats a lot during the holiday break.

04 January, 2006 12:14  
Blogger RickB chimed in with...

excellent so we're ALL fat bastards. However, anyone who watched H side Story will know the beep is wrong. It takes six WEEKS to lose two stone, not six months. not sure of the methods involved...

04 January, 2006 13:32  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

As a trined nutritionist & personal trainer (I am you know, he he he - you should see me!), I can confirm the ideal weightloss is 2-3lb per week, depending on how much you have to lose (3lb per week at the start, 2lb during most of the weight shift, 1lb for the final bit), but really it's about changing your lifestyle.

Take the stairs blah blah, get off the bus a stop early blah blah, 5 small snack meals a day & no big three course blow outs, plenty of fruit blah blah, loads of water blah blah. You know it all really, it's just doing it.....

Just remember - you'll out-survive them all if you get thrown into the freezing pacific during your cruise:-)

Glad to have you back.

04 January, 2006 21:03  
Blogger Lippy chimed in with...

If only they'd stop making chocolates. Hmmm... that might cause panic amongst the general populace, so maybe not...

04 January, 2006 21:10  
Blogger Meegan chimed in with...

Whoa! I had a similar thought pop in my head about amputation today. In fact, I even wrote about it. Apparently we are on the same wavelength. But don't do it! Put the chainsaw away!

05 January, 2006 00:27  
Blogger Tabby Rabbit chimed in with...

Welcome back SG. If you find out a way, let the rest of us know... I need to lose at least xx stone: am just pretending I don't need to and ignoring bathroom scales. It's working so far.

05 January, 2006 13:29  

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