Friday, December 02, 2005

Humbug

Small Person is off to her dad's for the weekend. The Other Half is off working tomorrow. For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long I will be alone on a Saturday. I plan to sleep, read and shop. The first two are easy. The last, however, will only seek to underline the error of picturing christmas as a magical, sparkly affair in which everyone is imbued with peace and goodwill, and shop assistants are both pleasant and helpful. I've made a list (and yes, I've checked it twice. I thank you..) and will be heading townwards tomorrow afternoon so that I can finally stop fretting over what I have and haven't managed to buy.

Before setting off, I will do my traditional Sneering at Last Year's Giftwrap and buy stacks more, with the intention of "using the rest up next year". Will I bollocks. I'll simply add to the mountain of hideous wrapping paper and tawdry bows that clutter up the wardrobe in the spare room. Love buying gifts, fucking hate wrapping them. I hate trying to figure out how big the paper should be. I hate my weird compulsion that gifts should be placed upside-down on the paper so that they're the right way up for unwrapping. As if anyone would care...yet I can't stop myself. I hate losing the end of the sellotape, losing the scissors, losing my pen (my special tag-writing pen, that is. I hate that I have one), losing the will to live. I hate that I care about where I stick the tag (top right-hand corner, thankyouverymuch), and that I have to cover where I've stuck it with a bow. I went through a phase of putting curly ribbon on as well, but age and experience have taught me (and this is the only thing they've taught me, sadly) that nobody gives a fuck and that I could have left everything in the carrier bags and had my gift-wrapping skills greeted with no less enthusiasm. But it has to be done, and so I will do it. Just remember to "ooh" over the wrapping even as you frantically try and find something nice to say about the gift.

Bah. Carry on.

20 Comments:

Blogger Donna chimed in with...

I love wrapping presents. Don't be too hard on yourself - it's just plain right to make sure the gift is up the right way when the nice side of the wrapping is uppermost. Tags go top left I think you'll find. I do still spend hours curling ribbon and making my presents beautiful - even for the children. Oooh, I love Christmas.

Good luck shopping. Get drunk first - it will be hideous.

02 December, 2005 13:20  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

Thank you sooo much. Beautifully wrapped, and just what I wanted. How did you know?

02 December, 2005 13:20  
Blogger No one Really chimed in with...

I love wrapping pressents as well.

Although, I find if you steal one of those Sellotape dispensers from work, it really helps.

Tags top right at a 45 degree angle.

02 December, 2005 14:09  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

We will (liquid) lunch first, then we will attempt to shop on a Saturday afternoon before Christmas.

Set face to default (scowl), sharpen elbows, and push over anybody who dares to walk slower than you are. At some point during tomorrow afternoon, I know that I will sob.

02 December, 2005 14:23  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I'm an atheist so Christmas can go fuck itself HAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!

02 December, 2005 14:36  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

apart from the lovely gift-giving, i hope....

02 December, 2005 14:41  
Anonymous other half chimed in with...

Of course...and you give the best, most thoughful pressies ever.

02 December, 2005 14:54  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

I don't mind wrapping one present but when its piles and piles, I get a bit fed up with the whole process.
Like you, I obsessively ensure they will be right side up when the wrapping is completed.

I finally bought a big Rubbermaid bin and put all my paper, bows, ribbons, tags, and even scissors and pens in there so it would all be together at the right time. You could try that sg.

Have fun shopping, drinking beforehand is definitely recommended.

02 December, 2005 15:13  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

rubbermaid sounds so dirty...

02 December, 2005 15:46  
Anonymous other half chimed in with...

Oh yes !

02 December, 2005 15:59  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

A special bin for wrapping stuff? Bloody hell.

You'll get yours in last year's paper, it may or may not be the right way up (depending on what shape it is and how grumpy I was at the time) and if you're lucky you'll get a card but I can't be bothered any more.

Bolloxy bloody bolloxy bah humbug *mutter*

02 December, 2005 18:03  
Blogger Aginoth chimed in with...

Hi SG

...can I get you to change the link to me in your sidebar/blogroll to http://aginoth.blogspot.com/

I had to delete my other blog (trapped in the body of a civil servant)...long story

02 December, 2005 20:11  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Rip off approximately 100 pieces of sellotape and stick them to the side of the table.

Preparation is everything.

(I have opted out and got my entire family presents from Oxfam Unwrapped. They're all going to fucki'n hate me)

02 December, 2005 21:07  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

I always do the wrapping sometime between midnight and 4am on Christmas morning. Curses, glasses of wine, sellotape ALL OVER the dining room, labels scattered like confetti, pens hiding under the wrapping paper, cat climbing in and out of bags and curling up on soft presents.
Next morning, open presents with eyes shut and brain disonnected.
Bah. definately.

03 December, 2005 00:56  
Blogger Sniffy chimed in with...

I'm shit at wrapping, but I make an effort to make things look as good as possible. I've learnt to keep all my Amazon boxes so I can wrap the ridiculously-shaped presents that I always manage to buy for people (rusty cocks, spherical vases, that type of shite).

03 December, 2005 01:04  
Blogger MinCat chimed in with...

i love wrapping presents. i can send you something that will make you laugh about it if you like. about wrapping presetns that is, not about me oving to do it.

03 December, 2005 04:43  
Blogger Universal Soldier chimed in with...

Just get married to someone who is good at wrapping presents - job done.

03 December, 2005 10:35  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

I hate wrapping presents & never really see the point of making it all prtty & perfect just to be ripped off & thrown away!

But I hate shopping more, so given the choice I'll take a bottle of wine & wrapping over shopping & putting up decorations:-)

03 December, 2005 13:49  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

make it new - yes please! the rest of you - how would you feel about an orange wrapped in tinfoil this year?

04 December, 2005 19:51  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

My friends have actually come to expect their gifts "wrapped" in the bag they came in.

I also do not include cards, but will scrawl a name across the bag.

I think the giving of gifts is often ruined by the experience of wrapping them, and would much rather concentrate on getting the perfect thing than trying to figure out how big a piece of wrapping paper I should cut.

05 December, 2005 18:14  

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