Monday, December 05, 2005

Actually, you really shouldn't have.

The best christmas present I ever received came my way in 1982, in the shape of a Kids From Fame top/skirt outfit. It was in that grey sweatshirty material, and the top had a burgundy "Fame" logo on the right hand side. It looked fabulous with my burgundy legwarmers and pixie boots, and I was the best-dressed girl at the screaming, drunken argument-fest that our house traditionally descended into on christmas day (the only day of the year when we would actively encourage my stepfather to drink as it meant he would go to bed at four o'clock and we could watch the Two Ronnies christmas special in peace).

The worst christmas present I ever received was about three years ago. When we got engaged, the Ex couldn't afford an engagement ring, so I made do with a body-piercing ring (don't ask). It was explained to me that, should I ever want a "proper" ring (i.e. one costing more than three quid), all I had to do was ask. I did so a couple of times, but to no avail. In the year in question I had finally decided that enough was enough, and had even gone to the lengths of showing the Ex a beautiful ring in the window of the jewellers, accompanied by the words "that one. That's the one I want. That platinum one with the diamonds and the amethyst". He nodded and smiled and I felt sure that finally the message had got through.

On Christmas morning, I excitedly unwrapped my gifts and gasped with delight.....

....as I discovered that in a fit of generosity, in addition to my credit-card-sized-and-shaped Swiss Army penknife, the Ex had also splashed out on some flashing red LED's for the spokes on my bike.

Bastard. No wonder I left him.

Carry on.

31 Comments:

Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Thank god you found your OH!

05 December, 2005 15:28  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

I remember going over your Christmas list with B a couple of years ago (must have been fireworks night)on which you had written "engagement ring". We pointedly said to the Ex, "Think we'd better leave that one to you to get, nudge nudge, wink, wink."

I think that was the year he bought you the cheap toiletries from Woolworth's which screamed "will upset sensitive skin".

05 December, 2005 15:39  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Note to self...sharp implements and flashy reflectors do not a good present make !!!

At least it means I don't have to waste time pressie shopping in Halfords hehehe.

05 December, 2005 15:51  
Blogger CyberPete chimed in with...

One year my mum wanted a fox, you know that kind you wrap around your neck or put on your shoulder that screams animal cruelty |anything for fashion, bless|. it was back when they were very fashionable. Anyway, come christmas my mum found a present from my dad under the tree that looked like it could be the said fox. She stalled and then as the last present, she finally opened it. It was an air hose for the dryer.

05 December, 2005 17:18  
Blogger Wyndham chimed in with...

I, to my shame, have always been a top Christmas sulker. I'm better these days but am still always a little miffed that nobody seems to pick up on my broad hints that a helicopter or, at the very least, a nifty sports-car, will be just the ticket. Now I have my own child I am annoyingly expected to add like an adult on Christmas morning.

05 December, 2005 17:25  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I bet the Ex never bought you SHOES either. Bastard.

My mother, after many years, finally bought her own wedding ring, and just informed my father of the purchase. He just couldn't be trusted.

05 December, 2005 18:11  
Anonymous Undercovercookie chimed in with...

I had a boyfriend who took me to watch speedway trials for a date once (i was cold, bored and not impressed) and ont he way out bought a £2 mug with SPEEDWAY written on the side. This is what I was given for Christmas a month later. Bastard.
Another boyfriend bought me lots of tacky 8ct gold jewellery (I don't wear gold at ALL what was he thinking?!) and then moaned that I never wore his presents (well you should have thought about that before threw good taste to the wind and bought me hideous chunky 8ct gold jewellery) but he was generous, because he also got me a handheld hoover from Woolworths and an ice scraper kit for my car. yes, it brought tears to his eyes as I aimed the items AT HIS HEAD

05 December, 2005 18:48  
Blogger Tabby Rabbit chimed in with...

Hmm, my ex bought me some LEDs for my bike - not for Christmas (can't remember the occassion though I do remember the crushing disappointment). I finished with him.

Any males reading this: you have been warned... (though if you want to finish with someone and can't be arsed, now is the time to nip into Halfords.. make sure you buy a really fancy box to put the LEDs into so it has maximum impact and you'll be single again before Queenie addresses the nation.)

05 December, 2005 19:18  
Blogger nope chimed in with...

I am blessed in that my mind completely blocks out bad pressies, which enables me to live a normal life. I am a Christmas sulker as well, and in order to live without medication, obviously my mind would have to go...

05 December, 2005 19:21  
Blogger Universal Soldier chimed in with...

Ah well at least you'll always be able to remove stones from horses hooves.

05 December, 2005 19:49  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

At least you got something. My lovely ex-boyfriend didn't get my a present one Christmas, pleading poverty, but bought himself an N64.

Although nothing is definitely preferable to a tumble-drier hose.

Christ Almighty. Hilarious though.

05 December, 2005 19:57  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

ah yes, the grey sweatshirt material kids from fame thing

had those (although without the logo - was probably too expensive)

pixie boots (cream) - check
legwarmers (many pairs) - check

if i thought that i could still wear that stuff and look hot (i.e. skinny and energetic), believe me, i would

so now we just have to find a fountain to dance around...

des-da
des-da
des-da-MONA!

step up to the mike, SG!!

05 December, 2005 20:22  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

what, and say what's on my mind? i couldn't possibly....

shit presents ahoy! glad some have had worse than me....am i glad? well, more sympathetic, really.

honest.

05 December, 2005 20:43  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

here as i watch the ships go by
how i'd like to sail away
leaving all my past behind
but i'd know i'd only last
for a couple of days

etc.

*sniffs*

me and my sisters lurve that song

05 December, 2005 20:54  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

and who could forget:

the moon's up, and the sun's down
and a thousand starry eyes have caught me crying....

*logs on to amazon to check availability of kids from fame cd*

05 December, 2005 20:58  
Blogger spindleshanks chimed in with...

fame has been ruined for me by the second worst auditionee i have seen in the history of musical theatre. the worst was in belfast, 45 years old, red leather catsuit, singing big spender. i'd rather have an air hose.

05 December, 2005 21:05  
Blogger Perry Neeham chimed in with...

Fame top/skirt outfit, legwarmers and pixie boots - I'm building a complete personality profile here - I can't wait for the glam rock instalment.

BTW can I have the credit-card-sized Swiss Army penknife thingy if you don't want it (sorry but I'm a bloke).

05 December, 2005 21:06  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

a thousand starry eyes...ah!

[tell me if you can find CD on amazon, woncha, SG?]

05 December, 2005 21:07  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

amopodex - mail me at the address on my profile and i'll send it to you - found it tonight in the "crap drawer" in the kitchen....

spindly - please elaborate. pleeeease...

05 December, 2005 21:17  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

copy cd for me please!

06 December, 2005 08:22  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

Me, I give crap presents. At least it's a present, you ungrateful sod.

SG - it could be worse. My ex actually did give me the ring, shortly before I left him. It's a very nice ring and I can't wear it without feeling enormous, crushing guilt.

06 December, 2005 08:50  
Anonymous other half chimed in with...

SG gives great pressies. Last Xmas I got 2 of the funniest books I have ever read, resulting in me laughing so loud my sides literally ached.

Added to this was my Barry White CD which enabled me to dance around the living room pre-lunch in a wine / champagne induced haze totally oblivious to all the problems of the world. I was very surprised to turn round and see SG standing in the doorway with a lovely smile on her face !!!

06 December, 2005 09:55  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK chimed in with...

I'm glad that you're with Other Half now. He seems to be much much much much much MUCH better man than your ex. No comparison.

06 December, 2005 11:05  
Blogger looby chimed in with...

I think Christmas is risky enough a time without muddying the waters with hints about getting married.

I bought my father a packet of corks once for Christmas. He didn't make wine or anything, I just they might come in handy.

06 December, 2005 15:36  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

I'm still waiting for my engagement ring:-( We got engaged accidently while drunk one Christmas - his mother immediately rushed off & thrust Aggies grandmothers ring at him growling "give it to her right now!" It didn't fit & I was promised a proper one as soon as the shops opened.

That was 1997.

Although my mother bought me a vacuum cleaner for my 21st birthday! That was pretty awful & didn't quite live up to expectations.

We don't really do Xmas pressies now though - all the money foes on the ****ing kids!

06 December, 2005 15:56  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

When I was about 11, My Mum and Dad bought me a an antique silver backed hair brush set.
But no Cindy Doll. no pony. No colt 45. Goddammit, no samll zoo animals from the post office.
i was heartbroken, never recovered.

06 December, 2005 20:21  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Mrs A. - engagement rings are truly, profoundly naff.

06 December, 2005 21:00  
Blogger spindleshanks chimed in with...

maybe there's a post to be written in truly awful auditions i have sat through but none compared with the ones i did in ireland for a big west end musical set in northern ireland. the plan was to find local talent for the show. what we found instead was painfully agonising, and mostly i had to hide behind my piece of paper and shake quietly trying not to laugh out loud (well they were very long days).
fame: boy in tracksuits with lanky greasy hair turned up with fame on cd,then sang along doing kind of capers about the place and adding in all the instrumental do do dos till breathlessly coming to a flat halt on his final arm-punching FAME (that bit was his own invention or he'd got the timing wrong as it didn't match the cd). i wasn't even able to put my piece of paper down to say thank you - that was left to the far more professional casting director who smiled sweetly at him. he had capered himself into back sweat i noticed as i peeped up to see him leave.
it's glamourous, theatre, dontcha know..

06 December, 2005 21:11  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I was given a Gucci watch by my ex just before we split up, then he made me give it back to him. Sod.

Surly Sis - you cow! I always wanted the grey sweatshirt Fame outfir but I wasn't allowed.

09 December, 2005 19:12  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Outfit

09 December, 2005 19:12  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

not my fault!! i expect you were jealous of my bad perm and white stilletos too....

12 December, 2005 21:32  

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