Monday, November 14, 2005

Vile.

There is nothing worse* than a Monday morning which, the school run aside (five to bloody nine they opened the door this morning. I can feel a strongly worded letter to the headmistress coming on), finds you in too much of a hurry to check first and therefore causes you to end up sitting in someone else's wee. Whoever these people are - the seat-wee-ers, the poo-spreaders, the non-flushers - please reveal yourselves so that I never inadvertently come to your house for dinner. If those toilet habits are acceptable to you, I dread to think what your kitchen looks like.

Carry on.

* Except swimming pool changing room floors. Or tying wet shoelaces. Or other people's feet. Or being in a lift and being able to smell someone's unwashed hair. Or the thought of hotel mattresses. Or dirty cutlery. Or finding a hair in your dinner. Or a toenail on the bottom of your bag (see swimming pool changing room floors).

32 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

crikey

i sense you are in a bad way

quick! can you escape and buy yourself a fancy coffee or whatever you fave hot beverage is?

can i buy it online for you??!!

sit back and think of robbie!

(i'm not doing very well, am i?)

14 November, 2005 10:46  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

Is 5to9 early or late? I have to get Mstr A to school for 8.30am to dance a jig for 10 mins (which I have to join in with) then into class ready for registration @ 8.45am.

AND I have to personaly deliver & collect him.. Children are not allowed in or out of the school gates without a recognised parent/carer!

14 November, 2005 10:50  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

they're supposed to open the bloody doors at 8.45. i have to be at work at 9. drives me MENTAL.

14 November, 2005 10:52  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Continuing the swimming pool theme - duck-diving to the bottom and coming up with a used plaster in your hair.

14 November, 2005 11:09  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

From a male perspective sitting on a warm toilet seat is far from appealing. Oh, and seeing dry bogies on the back of the toilet door...how revolting are some people ?

14 November, 2005 11:35  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

see, that's something i never thought of til you told me - that when a man sits down, his cock touches the rim of the seat. now that's vile.

14 November, 2005 11:42  
Blogger Wyndham chimed in with...

My dad lost his teeth at the bottom of a swimming pool once. They were handed in.

14 November, 2005 11:54  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

I used to think that there was nothing worse than finding a hair in your dinner, until at a greasy spoon cafe I unscrewed a ketchup bottle only to find a really long hair carefully wrapped around it. Oh, and finding a long, blonde, greasy hair stuck in the air fan in a bathroom hotel.

14 November, 2005 12:25  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

I once sat behind a woman on the bus (I was slightly above her on a raised platform) and could actually see the filth and wildlife moving in her greasy hair.

I'd imagine the cock touching the rim thing is far worse for the cock-owner.

Anyway, would you kindly not mention cock - I've not had any for 3 nights.

Right there with you on swimming pool changing room floors. eeeee-uuurk ...

You may have to put up with the fairly frequenct occurence of double-flushers in our household. Or the other day there was actually one that took 8 flushes (I'm not saying who was responsible) ...

14 November, 2005 12:30  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I will no longer log on to your blog whilst eating my lunch.

carry on.

14 November, 2005 12:45  
Blogger JonnyB chimed in with...

With a small and not-particularly-working septic tank, every flush costs me money, I'll have you know.

We do not go to the toilet in the kitchen though. I'd draw the line at that.

14 November, 2005 13:24  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

F'ing hell Surly, you got a comment from The Great One. Did you wet your pants?

14 November, 2005 13:54  
Blogger Spinsterella chimed in with...

Pet Hate no. 457

Women who are so uptight that they won't actually sit down in public toilets, so they hover, and spray all over the seat for the rest of us.

Stupid bitches...

14 November, 2005 14:17  
Blogger Aginoth chimed in with...

Pisses me off (no pun intended)

Those people who piss on the seat, I mean how hard is it for a man to lift the seat before pissing, so when I want a hard earned shit in peace and comfort I don't have to clean up after the disgusting gits myself.

14 November, 2005 14:24  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

suddenly i'm not remotely hungry any more.

14 November, 2005 15:21  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I hope you are my love, I got you the biggest salad roll in the whole wide world and I'd hate for it to go to waste !!!

14 November, 2005 15:25  
Blogger Meegan chimed in with...

Whoa, I thought I was totally grossed out by your post, but then I read the comments. EWWW. I have nothing to add to this impressive list of grossness!

14 November, 2005 16:39  
Blogger Lee chimed in with...

I used to have a housemate who used to eat the cheese you get in between your toes.

(gag)

14 November, 2005 16:53  
Anonymous Ant chimed in with...

Blargh! So utterly disgusting. Hooray!

But why is it that when it's your kid's snot/piss/shit/vomit then it's not grim? Or does it not work like that any more by the time they're going to school? (Mine's still in nappies.)

14 November, 2005 17:14  
Blogger S.I.D. chimed in with...

Years ago on emerging from the now closed Butlins swimming pool I found a large,and I mean large, specimen of green sputum hanging from my leg.

Scrubbed till I bled.

14 November, 2005 18:42  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

well if we're having a gross-out compo i think you all win. but can you beat this? the ex wasextreme ly averse to hot water and soap. our bedsheet* was known (between fifi sis and myself) as the Woodbridge Shroud, owing to the fact that you could tell which side he slept on from the body-shaped ring of grime and sweat he left behind.

* i slept on the sofa for the last four years of our marriage.

14 November, 2005 20:08  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

ant - thankfully it does still work like that when your kids are at school. In fact my youngest (aged 6) and his bro played a game this weekend whereby the elder timed how long the younger could keep his own sock in his mouth. When he removed it, the contents of his stomach followed.

Last year he chucked down my cleavage when he was very poorly. That was hard to bear.

(2m 52s - btw)

14 November, 2005 21:15  
Anonymous ant chimed in with...

Glad you remember the time. Shame to lose the record and have him go through all that for nothing.

Pukey tits. Not a good thing. But extremes notwithstanding, glad to hear that whole mental trick stays with you.

14 November, 2005 21:26  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

it's true. when small person was a tiny person i could sort out a nuclear poo without even wincing. when a friend suggested i change her child's pooey nappy i nearly puked. euurgh.

oh lord, am now dreading chats about procreation and periods and things....

14 November, 2005 21:34  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

ok, now you gals and guys have seriously grossed me out today. well done.

sg, try one more time:

& hearts ;

don't forget the semi-colon and it will work.


14 November, 2005 21:51  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

you never mentioned the semi-colon before!!

14 November, 2005 22:00  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i totally. fucking. rule.

14 November, 2005 22:01  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Surly - in case you don't check your e-mail, check your e-mail. I have contacted you on a matter of earth-shattering importance. Not.

14 November, 2005 22:01  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

done. if anyone else has any pressing questions, my email is on my profile....but i won't answer if you ask me that.

14 November, 2005 22:24  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

And yet, you know the school wouldn't like you just coming around to pick up Small Person whenever you felt like it.

The nerve.

Oh, and the nerve of the toilet seat non-wipers as well.

14 November, 2005 23:01  
Anonymous Rajesh chimed in with...

Hotel mattress... ewww..!

First time here, thoroughly enjoyed it.. :)

14 November, 2005 23:18  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

Always wondered about men's cocks and toilet seats...didn't like to ask in case I didn't like the answer. How about toilets in Peru (or Bolivia?) where you're not allowed to flush (rinse actually) paper down the loo so it goes in a bucket beside you. In the better restaurants buckets had lids.

15 November, 2005 00:38  

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