Friday, November 18, 2005


It's a little-known fact (except among everyone I've told) but I'm related to the Beverley Sisters. They were my Nanny's second cousins, once removed, or something. I've got Gyles Brandreth's autograph. Richard O'Brien (of Rocky Horror and Crystal Maze fame) once said hello to me in the foyer of the Civic theatre in Chelmsford. Frank Bruno once told Kellycat to "mind that dogshit". We've all got them - lame, random claims to fame. And now there's somewhere you can go to brag about them - the Lame Claim to Fame site. So, what are you waiting for? Head on over and tell everyone about that time Roy Hudd pushed in front of your mum in the post office queue and your dad punched him in the face and called him an "unfunny wanker". Or when Cheryl Baker was sick on your shoe outside Highwire in Harlow on two-breezers-for-a-pound night. You know you want to.

In other news, I heard "Young at Heart" by the Bluebells on the crap local radio station I am forced to listen to during my phototherapy treatment this morning, and it reminded me how much I loathe it, and others of its ilk. You know the ones - the end-of-the-wedding-reception ones* where the DJ turns up the volume on "Come on Eileen" to drown out the sound of Mad Uncle Alan and Auntie Jean having a knock-down drag-out fight in the corner over that time in 1978 when he "looked at her next door's boobs" during Ken and Sandy's fifteenth anniversary party, and hordes of middle aged people take to the four-foot-square patch of slippery laminate flooring in the middle of the room in order to throw themselves around as if their lives depended on it. Bah.

Carry on.

* See also "Hi-Ho Silver Lining", "YMCA" and, invariably and hideously, "Blame it on the Boogie"


Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

Lame claims to fame: shaping up to be Meme Of The Week!

18 November, 2005 11:34  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Lame claim to fame - Brian Cant (of Playschool / PlayAway fame) lives near my mum and he's been spied buying McVities Wholewheat chocolate biscuits at the local Co-Op !!!

18 November, 2005 11:38  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

my cousins were on playschool (through the round window), I've met mike smith and sarah green, my sister has met Robbie and Keanu Reeves, My best friend is related to Lionel Blair but the very best my great grandad was churchill's body guard. honest, there's a program on about him on UK history on monday night

18 November, 2005 11:44  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Ok, here we go:

Was on the Lorraine Kelly show, where I met Little Donny Osmond, Pete Waterman, the podgy one from Mel and Sue.

Drunkenly tried to buy Chris Evans a pint in the Atlantic Bar. (He looked embarassed and scuttled away).

Went go-karting with Jeremy Clarkson (I was faster coz he's fat. Also, I rule).

Shook hands with the oily Micheal Portillo (he was the guest speaker at a dinner).

Sat next to one of the writers/actors from the fast show on a coach to Amsterdam Airport (Surname was Shearer I think, he played the Channel 9 newsreader and told me some amusing anecdotes about filming the show).

Was on Clare Raynor's daytime TV show for some wierd part of the country in the midlands.

Followed Edwina Curry on a Radio 4 chat show. (That is, I was the guest after her, I didn't follow her in off the street).

Knocked Sue Pollard over on Upper Street in Islington. (It was an accident, m'lud).

Bumped into Tom Baker in Soho (before he did Little Britain) - he was on the phone, talking very loudly about how much he dislikes Americans.

Had breakfast with Charles Wang (boring, but he IS one of the richest men in America).

There are other, even lamer ones, but I have a flight to catch.

18 November, 2005 11:46  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

lc, you've only got those cos you're a shameless media whore.

i saw steve harris out of iron maiden in boots in harlow.

18 November, 2005 11:50  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Oh ok - two more: I once 'did it' with somebody who was in a band with that redhead who used to be in the Beautiful South and supported the Proclaimers on tour.

And I used to share a flat with the bassist from Alien Tint, who supported Joy Division at a few gigs in the early days.

So there.

18 November, 2005 11:51  
Blogger Geoff chimed in with...

I'm sure Brian Cant used to live near us when I was young.

Oh, and I saw Robbie Williams near Trafalgar Square. He was about ten foot tall and had a long Matrix-like coat on.

I've seen more celebrities than I've had hot dinners. And I once heard but did not see Ken Livingstone in a cinema. The lights were down but there was no mistaking the drone.

18 November, 2005 11:59  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

I once slept on the same floor (separate sleeping bags) as Les from Carter USM when I lived in Melbourne. I didn't recognise him at all, so when he told me what he did for a living (musician) I just switched off. It was only the next day when I overheard him doing an interview over the phone that I found out who he was. By then it was too late for me to go "Wow, you attacked Philip Schofield!".

SG - you have left out "New York, New York" which is everyone's opportunity to kick the people they don't like.

18 November, 2005 12:02  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Can I also claim that I too shared the "Jilly Goolden" experience in Bilbao.

18 November, 2005 12:03  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

Errr...I once served mathematical-genius-and-father-of-Zoe Johnny Ball when I worked in Past Times in Windsor. I didn't recognise him, and scowled throughout.

Ruby Wax once asked me and ex-Mr P for directions to the Parliament Hill Lido. I didn't recognise her, and scowled throughout.

(Especially for LC) I once walked past Darcey Bussell in King's Road, Chelsea. I didn't recognise her, and had to have her pointed out to me.

I *have* sung to David Bowie, but he left halfway through the performance.

I once ran full tilt into Prince Andrew with my jumper sleeves tied behind my back, straitjacket-style.

18 November, 2005 12:43  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

I don't think I've got a lame claim to fame. Can't remember anything particularly. But then again, I probably would recognise the rich and famous if they had a sign round their necks saying "I am rich & famous", so maybe I've been rude to dozens of them without knowing:-)

BUT, C'mon Eileen is an important cultural classic & should not be denigrated in any way. We put a complaint in to our Engagement Party DJ cos he went & stopped it half way thru! Just as we were getting into the pogoing bit. Although come to think of it, we refused to pay him too, for buggering off down the pub for two hours in the middle of the evening.

18 November, 2005 12:48  
Blogger belladona chimed in with...

I once had to help the lost grandmother of that girl who's pregnant by Rod Stewart (ick). She didn't seem terribly impressed by her grandaughter's choice. If that isn't lame I don't know what is.

The keyboardist from 'King' taught me some songs.

I saw Dennis Norden once too. He's very tall.

18 November, 2005 13:07  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

no! brian cant lives near me


ah, he's one of identical quads


SG: don't be mean - i LOVE all those songs (and choreographed my sisters in all of them)

18 November, 2005 13:20  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

I was on Record Breakers twice. Both times for breaking the record for the largest number of people tap dancing at the same time. First time was 500 and the 2nd was a few times, but then the Americans beat us. (Not with sticks.)

lc - did you think this was a competition to have the most Lame Claims. Or were you just hoping that the lamest claim would be in there somewhere?

18 November, 2005 13:24  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

A few thousand - derrrrrr ...

18 November, 2005 13:25  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

Now you've posted a pic, can you get FiFiSisterperson to post a pic of that breast cup - I'm still intrigued.

18 November, 2005 13:26  
Anonymous betty chimed in with...

Roy Wood out of Wizzard was sat at the next table to us at a curry house in my old home town in Staffordshire with his daughter. At least I think it was his daughter, heh heh.

My dad and I saw Len Ganley the snooker referee in the bar at Stoke Trentham Gardens in the 1980's. Embarrassingly, my dad smiled at him.

A friend took me to the house of Momus (aka Nick Curry) who no one has never heard of anyway. I felt uncomfortabe and embarrassed and he didn't want us there anyway. He made us a cup of Earl Grey tea though.

I score 1 and a half out of ten on the media whore scale.

18 November, 2005 13:36  
Blogger Aginoth chimed in with...

No real claim to fame here, that doesn't count...

Nope no claim to fame


18 November, 2005 13:43  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

have just remembered seeing karl howman (latterly of brush strokes and the flash adverts) with a baseball cap and permatan in the departure lounge at murcia airport.

and i believe the other half has something skiffle-related to share...

18 November, 2005 15:21  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I once saw Mohammed Ali at Phuket airport - but that's not really that lame is it?

But on the other you remember SG when I swore I saw John Tickle (of BB4)'s brother coming out of the loos at South Mimms Services?!

And I saw Darius once in Regent Street.

And Nick Heywood in the food hall at the Bentalls Centre in Kingston.

18 November, 2005 15:31  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

ooh, ooh, i saw nasty nick (bb1) on regent's street. and sat at a hibachi table with juan pablo montoya at beni hana....which was nice.

and saw ant and dec at robbie's knebworth gig last year

18 November, 2005 15:33  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

did you? where were they then? I must've been pissed

18 November, 2005 15:36  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

That's Kingston, Surrey

18 November, 2005 15:37  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

I've had no close calls with celebrities of any sort, living in the wilds of Alberta.
However, a lady I work with went on a weekend trip to Jasper and actually walked through the cabin and sat on the bed where Queen Elizabeth slept when she came here last spring. How lame is that?

18 November, 2005 15:39  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

That's nothing...I worked with Nasty Nick (BB1) in the city. I also spotted 50's skiffle singer Lonnie Donegan at Orlando airport and, as my Dad was a huge fan, troubled him for an autograph.

My ultimate lame to fame has to be sitting next to the drummer from Motorhead on a 12 hour flight to LA. He was courteous for the first 6 hours but then feigned sleep in an attempt to stop my hero-worship boiling over into sheer stalker-dom !!!

18 November, 2005 15:41  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I once delivered some thrush cream to Marti Pellow of Wet Wet Wet.

18 November, 2005 15:45  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

zanna - they were in that little sound tent thing in front and to the right of us. you must remember - someone shouted "ooh, look, it's ant and dec" and four hundred people waved and went "woo-ooh!!" and they waved politely back and looked embarrassed.

laura - that is lame.

when i was a despatch rider i delivered a parcel to one of the people who wrote red dwarf.

18 November, 2005 15:46  
Blogger JonnyB chimed in with...

I was on Playschool. Arched window, though. Cooler.

18 November, 2005 16:11  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I once had Thanksgiving dinner with Scott Hamilton. At the time, he was dating the daughter of my parent's best friends. It was very strange. My mother made all the older men t-shirts that said, "Old Duffers" on them, and then gave Scott Hamilton one that said, "Duffer in Training." He was very gracious about the whole thing.

There's an actual psychological term for the lame claims to fame: "BIRG"ing. Short for "Basking in Reflected Glory." Those psychologists think of everything.

18 November, 2005 16:30  
Anonymous other half chimed in with...

Sorry but I have to ask....who is Scott Hamilton ?

18 November, 2005 16:57  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

I want to play!!

All my claims to fame sound misleadingly aristocratic. My gran was Laurence Van der Post's secretary. (What do you mean you've never heard of him, he was one of Prince Charles' best friends!) My friend's uncle is James Whittaker. Boyf's mum used to date Lord Brockett. Boyf went to school with Zara Phillip's ex, the jockey Richard Johnson.

Aged 14 I appeared on the 9 o'clock news, filling a sandbag, when my village flooded.

18 November, 2005 17:02  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

beat me to it! is it george hamilton's son? (will forgive you tho whinger as i can imagin you reading through and muttering "who are all these people? i've never heard of any of them..."

tony blackburn read my eighth birthday request out on radio one. i had sent it in myself in lieu of anyone caring enough t odo it for me. he played "the piper" by abba but didn't read out my joke.

it was a rubbish joke.

18 November, 2005 17:03  
Blogger Lee chimed in with...

I sat on Jon Pertwee's lap once. He poked a carrot in my ear.

18 November, 2005 17:04  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

Oh sorry - American pseudo-celebrity. Scott Hamilton is a figure skater who won the Olympics and stuff and now has a "Stars on Ice" touring show and does much commenting for current figure skating competitions. He is actually very nice.

And you're right. I don't know who any of your people are either. But I trust they are also pseudo-celebrities.

18 November, 2005 17:22  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

When I was 9 I sent in a (used) toothbrush in a hand-embroidered felt cover to Swop Shop, for Posh Paws.
My letter was read out, and the clip of Noel Edmonds pretending to brush Posh Paw's teeth with my manky toothbrush formed part of the opening credits for the next year.

18 November, 2005 17:55  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

GOH has just informed me that he once followed Lionel Blair into a sunglasses shop and started calling out his name...

18 November, 2005 17:59  
Blogger cartoons! chimed in with...

oooh! lame claim to fame! so much fun, and quite interesting. added one m'self. :) i waved at vladimir zhirinovksy. yeah, i'm a dork.

18 November, 2005 18:39  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

lee - that wasn't a carrot....

annika - hello!! *waves*

have thought of another wedding reception song: tragedy by steps

18 November, 2005 19:45  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Was that just last year, Lee?

18 November, 2005 19:55  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

homer, are you proper posh? and i know you're only playing on here cause lc's gone to amsterdam....

18 November, 2005 20:03  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I do remember now, sorry senility is a scary bad thing

18 November, 2005 22:25  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

I used to live next door to the man who made "Dangermouse" (and "Chorlton & the Wheelies", "Jamie and the magic torch" and others). Sometimes they babysat for my parents, and I could look round the mini-studio they had in their attic. Fab!

18 November, 2005 22:46  
Blogger Sniffy chimed in with...

Who was that? Brian Cosgrove? He used to live with his family on the same street as my Auntie. Had a daughter called Jenny.

Anyway, I've never met or encountered anybody "famous" (apart from a couple of tosspot Health Secretaries) and I'm not sure I'd like to.

As for music? Aye, they're completely shit, except Blame it on the Boogie, I quite like that. But there's no accounting for taste I suppose. Fucking HATE Come on Eileen. Anything that makes people punch the air with their fists is shit in my book. There was that one by Simple Minds too - was it Alive and Kicking? Or Don't you forget about me? All of them, most probably. Yeah, and also Rock DJ by that crappy Robbie Williams. Utter bollocks ;)

18 November, 2005 23:00  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

The bloody Bluebells? Oh dear gawd. They are/were shite.

Oh and who is that gorgeous looking man on the post below this one? He's luvvvvverly!

18 November, 2005 23:02  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

Yes, yes, we know who he is, but we want to know MORE about him!

And we've put a couple of pics of us up at our place for you to let us know which one of us he looks like.

18 November, 2005 23:27  
Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK chimed in with...

Ooohh!!! I love lame claims to the fame. Thanks for posting that link!!!

Let's see ... celeb sightings ... I've met Nate Berkus (Oprah's hot designer boy), Matt Damon, Clinton's Madame Secretary (Albright), Bernie Mac, Andy Garcia, and a bunch of others. I'm a complete idiot about this stuff and I get totally star struck.

I'm dying to meet Michael Ealy!!!!

19 November, 2005 13:33  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

Gosh, Tina - that means I used to live on the same street as your Auntie. Is that a sort of claim to fame? (He had two daughers - Jenny and, and, .. nope, it's gone. Laura? Maybe?)

Wifey has a better claim to fame; she sat opposite Douglas Adams on a long train trip, talking to him the entire time about computers (Apple Macs) and all sorts of stuff. Only found out who he was when they shook hands at the end of the trip. I don't even think that's lame.

19 November, 2005 16:48  
Blogger Wyndham chimed in with...

Surly, what were you doing in the Boots in Harlow? And, more importantly, what was Steve Harris off Iron Maiden doing there?

19 November, 2005 17:31  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Ha! No, as you will find out if we ever go for that beer.

And whaddyamean I'm only here because LC's away? Libel! I'm always leaving comments on your blog, but they get buried below forty others!

19 November, 2005 17:51  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Ooh, ooh, thought of some more - Boyf used to live near Robert Plant, who couldn't attend Father Outlaw's 40th birthday party as he had to be best man at Phil Collin's wedding.

I once sang carols at Libby Purves' house.

I flew on the same plane as Antony Worrall Thompson. I felt sorry for him because he got a lot of grief from some drunks. Then he sneered at me by the luggage carousel, I so was forced to conclude that he deserved it.

19 November, 2005 17:57  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I met Boris Johnson and he afterwards enquired who 'that stupid girl' was. So I named my stuffed pig after him in revenge. I've sat opposite Benazir Bhutto at dinner. Cecil Parkinson draped his dinner jacket round my shoulders. I shagged the younger son of the man who used to run Anglo American and who is a second cousin of the Queen, and whose wife appeared in Harpers 3 years ago. Steve Norris made a pass at me.

That didn't all happen in one evening.

19 November, 2005 18:45  
Blogger garfer chimed in with...

I,ve played pool with Robert Plant.
He'd just played the barmaid who asked:
"What's your name?"
"Robert Plant"
"Rubber Plant? That's a stupid name for man"
Gormless twat.

19 November, 2005 19:12  
Blogger hen chimed in with...

Oh fuck it - the madness is everywhere.
Ok I met cold play before they were famous - they used to live upstairs to where I used to live - they were always making a racket - they gave us a demo cd to apologize - it was shit. Also I have been told stay away from Adam Ant for my own safety.

cawpgsff: internet madness

19 November, 2005 22:57  
Blogger hen chimed in with...

... because Adam Ant had gone on an insane rampage I should add.

19 November, 2005 23:07  
Anonymous The Girl behind the Partition! chimed in with...

Right are you ready for this lot?

1) When I was 15 years old I was propositioned by Noel Edmonds who I assume thought I was a lot older!!

2) I recently spent an entire Sunday afternoon in the company of Jane Asher.

3) A bloke at my am dram society has a sister who is married to Rowan Atkinson's brother.

4) Within the last month Chris Tarrant has had a bloody good look down my top at my boobs!!

I've got loads more!!

19 November, 2005 23:12  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

I forgot one. I sat at the next table to Joan Collins in a restaurant on a day when she wasn't wearing a wig.

20 November, 2005 09:39  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

Bloody hell, 56 comments? That's more comments than I've ever seen!

Anyhow, that Nasty Nick gets about, doesn't he? Apparently he was in the year above me at school. I have no recollection of him, however.

20 November, 2005 17:30  
Blogger Sniffy chimed in with...

Stef - it was in Worsley, Manchester. Unless my cousin went to school with Jenny - it was something like that anyway. Made me feel special every time i watched Chorlton and the Wheelies.

20 November, 2005 18:21  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Just remembered: in the late nineties I was on a business trip to Amsterdam and stayed in the same hotel as Micheal Jackson and his entourage. Saw him floating around the lobby and the bar, but he was always surrounded by a lot of hangers-on.

Didn't realise what was going on at first. When I decided to go for an early morning walk around the city, I left the hotel to find myself stood in front of a crowd of screaming fans who were being kept behind a police line. I remember thinking: About damn time I got some recognition!

20 November, 2005 19:08  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

you are all top-quality "star" spotters. well done you, you vacuous lot.

ooh, i saw steve harris off of iron maiden at an antiques place in sawbridgeworth one sunday afternoon. (wyndham - i mistakenly lived in harlow for a couple of years. won't happen again)

20 November, 2005 20:09  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

Tina, yes, Worsley's the place OK. Gosh. Small world.

Oh, and I once was on a flight with Nigel Planer (Neil from the "Young Ones".) We shamelessley earwigged a conversation he had while waiting for baggage. Unfortunately he sounds very like that "ACTOR" spoof character he used to do - a real luvvie. So sad.

21 November, 2005 16:31  

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