Monday, November 21, 2005

Doors to manual....

Oh. My. Goodness. How mortified would you be if this happened to you? Poor woman. I think the reason this provokes horrified laughter in me is that it's exactly the sort of thing that is likely to happen to me one day. Afraid of flying? Check. Booze to numb the fear? Check. History of sleepwalking? Check.

If you ever see a dishevelled, fast-asleep Surly Girl shambling towards the emergency exit of a plane muttering about "who's knocking at this time of night?" please, do us all a favour and stick your foot out.

41 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

fortheloveofgod!

afraid of flying - check also

attempted to drink myself into a stupor to quell fear - check also (didn't work, ended up dehydrated, drank lots of water to counteract, ended up in toilet every quarter of an hour on 10 hour flight)

but will ask for passenger list ne time so make sure i am not on same plane as this woman

21 November, 2005 14:03  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

oh, and went on fear of flying* course - check (later read that pilot who led course died...in a plane crash)

oh alanis, you don't know the half of it...

* when i first typed this, i missed out the 'f' - hey! i'm no wuss when it comes to LYING

21 November, 2005 14:05  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

Boring factual note: It's impossible to open the emergency exits on a plane while you're in the air. The emergency exits open inwards, and because the air pressure inside the plane is higher than outside you simply cannot open the doors while you're at any sort of altitude.

Flatmate works in the airline industry and is full of this sort of useless knowledge.

21 November, 2005 14:27  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

so what was she arrested for then, smartypants? sleepwalking?

if you can get arrested for sleepwalking i'm in all sorts of trouble, particularly in uttoxeter....

21 November, 2005 14:40  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

please let's not have hard facts get in the way of an otherwise wow-inducing news story

i was convinced/wow-ed/not-a-little-scared

21 November, 2005 14:45  
Blogger LC chimed in with...

From the article:

>>>A French woman has admitted attempting to open an aeroplane door mid-flight...

It's more to do with the causing a disturbance on a plane I reckon - they don't want people freaking out the other passengers. You really think they'd make it possible for doors to be opened mid-air, with the number of freaks and wierdos that can afford EasyJet flights these days?

I sleepwalk lots too - once locked myself out of a hotel room, in the buff, in the middle of the night. Managed to find a towel in a store cupboard to cover myself before fetching help.

21 November, 2005 14:51  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i woke up on the top floor of the travelodge in uttoxeter once. luckily i had a t-shirt on. even more luckily, i was actually staying there (otherwise it would have been a whole lot more scary).

and i once scared the bejesus out of my room-mates on a school trip to switzerland by emerging from the wardrobe at three o'clock in the morning.

21 November, 2005 14:55  
Blogger Lee chimed in with...

Re: that dozy cow. Isn't it hilarious?

Tho, I once sleep walked on the plane. Right into the toilet with one of the male stewards. And that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

21 November, 2005 15:54  
Blogger BigDov chimed in with...

think it sounds like an excuse for getting p1shed up and acting like a twat - which we've done, I'm sure, just never in a way that might have killed 200 people !

21 November, 2005 15:56  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

"Poor woman"? Poor bloody passengers! She, and other sleepwalking freaks, deserve no sympathy, only adequate restraints and a bit of mocking, purely in a controlled and non-hurtful way, of course.

(Oh, you know the 'cabin doors to manual' bit? That allows the doors to be opened, erm, manually. Mind you, I'd pay extra to see the cabin crew open them with their feet.)

21 November, 2005 16:21  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

does anyone else have a "i once went sleepwalking and got in with my granny and granddad" story?

do share.

you quiet, lurking, miserable buggers. even the other half doesn't say hello any more.

21 November, 2005 19:09  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

Alas, I have no sleepwalking stories. I only chat in my sleep and periodically raise my hand like I have a question.

Even in my sleep, I'm a goody-goody.

And poor, poor passengers, but I do know how that lady feels. Sometimes you just feel like a little air mid-flight. And for those of us who don't understand physics, we might just want to test out some theories.

21 November, 2005 19:17  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

I'd always thought "Dors to Manuel" was the punchline of a dirty joke about Diana Dors and that waiter in Fawlty Towers. Never did understand it, nor why pilots always told it when landing.

21 November, 2005 20:02  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

welcome stu. i'd like to hear the rest of that joke...i know a very, very offensive joke about diana dors that i'm willing to trade...

21 November, 2005 20:15  
Blogger Pashmina chimed in with...

I somehow suspect that even if I knew, with utter, unshakeable certainty, that it was in no way possible to open a plane door mid-flight, I'd still be extremely concerned to see a drug-addled person (regardless of gender or nationality) wrestling with it, with or without unlit fag.

But maybe that's just me.

21 November, 2005 20:20  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

with you in that, pash. i spend every flight scrutinising the faces of the trolley dollies for the faintest hint of carrying-on-regardless-in-the-face-of-certain-death, so the sight of a pissed up fronch woman heading for the exit with a gauloise in one hand and the fire axe in the other (just what use is an axe in a fire, exactly) would have me weeping and shrieking and throwing up in the seat pocket. mind you, a bumpy takeoff has been know to have that effect....

21 November, 2005 20:29  
Anonymous other half chimed in with...

Hello !!! It's half time in the footie and I'm checking my work e-mail (sad bugger). Saw your comment my love and had to respond.

21 November, 2005 20:49  
Anonymous ant chimed in with...

I am fine with flying, have no history of sleepwalking, no longer smoke and always fall asleep long before I manage to get anywhere near that drunk...

...but hello anyway :)

21 November, 2005 20:50  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

The stupid bitch. She should have been jailed for 30 years (with no parole).

Actually, she should have been executed - well, she was about to execute everyone else on the fucking plane.

Wimmin. Can't take 'em anywwhere.

And why is my word verification yord 'umongs'??? Cheeky bastards.

21 November, 2005 21:07  
Blogger Wyndham chimed in with...

A lot of those trolley dollies don't look like they can take the lid of a bottle of ketchup let alone stop a mad French woman.

21 November, 2005 21:08  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

OH - hello!! i am bored and lonely - can you tell?

ant - whatever. people with no fear of flying are weird.

pig and taz - it said "umongs" as it knows you deleted your entire blog the other day. you fucking mongs.

wyndham - i bet they could have someone's eye out with a coral lipstick tho.

21 November, 2005 21:16  
Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Yet again I come late to the party.

I don't sleep-walk (talk, yes) but my dad once thought he was in the bathroom when he was actually in mum's wardrobe, and... you can guess the rest. And once he found himself naked under the carport trying to unlock his car.

21 November, 2005 21:48  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

Wyndham - The trolly dollies CAN take the lids off ketchup bottles. Most of 'em have visited oxotic lands and learned the most surprising things, you know.

Amazing what you can do with you anus, these days. Talking and opening sauce bottles.

Enough to make your granny perk up, I tell ya.

21 November, 2005 21:58  
Blogger garfer chimed in with...

She was just popping outside for a quick fag. What's wrong with that?
Everyone knows you're not allowed to smoke inside planes.

21 November, 2005 22:00  
Anonymous Piggy and Tazzy chimed in with...

Oh fuck. The fingers are all over the place again. Excuse the typo's.

I'm getting pissed, in readiness for the podcast, y'see.

And I'm quite sure that word verification thing is getting harder just to see how cunted I am.

21 November, 2005 22:01  
Blogger Inexplicable DeVice chimed in with...

Cor, you ought to try sleepwalking 1000 feet up on five feet of hazel broom. I always try to be well rested before flying so I don't have or cause any "little accidents"...

Great Blog - never seen so many comments on one post. Well, except for Lee's Gay Cake.

21 November, 2005 23:26  
Blogger S.I.D. chimed in with...

Forget going outside for a smoke,just shout out in a loud voice to your partner,
"you know I need to have my lucky cigarette while we're flying, remember that last bad crash?"

Cigs and lighters shall be produced by many.

22 November, 2005 00:10  
Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

Hi SG. I also have never sleepwalked, have no fear of flying, never drink alcohol when travelling & gave up smoking 5 years ago, so I get to be smug on every single count:-)

But I can't get you to blogroll me, even tho I say hello nearly every day! Not like those miserable lurkers.

22 November, 2005 07:43  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

mrs a - consider it done.....

22 November, 2005 09:08  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

If you ever see a sleeping, alcoholically sedated six + footer heading for aeroplane doors with a cigarette, don't remind him he gave up again. If he's my other half he'll only argue.

22 November, 2005 11:12  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

feel I should say hello although my only nocturnal activity other than sleeping is turning up in your hotel room to request a sleeping spot on the floor at four in the morning! Not like that is a regular event. I guess I have been desperate enough for a ciggie on a flight to open the door before but you know my issues with authority figures. Weirdly enough trolley dollies in coral lippy or otherwise still count as such in my screwed up head.

22 November, 2005 11:28  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I apologise unreservedly for opening our hotel room door at 4am looking rather bemused and totally naked...that was probably the last thing you needed at that moment in time !!!

22 November, 2005 13:55  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

that freaked me out until i realised you were talking to zanna......i thought i'd done it again and blanked it out.....

22 November, 2005 14:03  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Not as much as it freaked me out...having to answer the door in a pissed, befuddled state at that time of the morning !!!

22 November, 2005 14:23  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

i whole heartedly apologise for 99.9% of that day and night

22 November, 2005 17:50  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

bollocks to that, madam - it was hardly your fault!!

22 November, 2005 19:32  
Blogger spindleshanks chimed in with...

i'm scared of flying too and once got really pissed on vodka before flying home from bilbao. i highkicked my way back to stansted, kept loudly telling everyone that the woman sitting in front of me looked just like a man, have no recollection of landing or getting off the plane, then woke up plastered to the floor of the toilet about an hour later when i heard announcements over the loud speaker calling my name. g and friend had lost me and finally resorted to airport security to track me down. I was unceremoniously dumped at the door (strangely G didn't want to come in and as it was in the days before co-habiting he was still free to escape) and had to go in still drunker than a drunk person, and make dinner for 1stB who I hadn't seen for 5 days. I made peanut butter toast and fell into bed. There is so much shame in this story I don't know what to feel worst about. But I think I work in most of your major themes...

22 November, 2005 21:23  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

spindly - bless you. remind me one day to tell you the story of how i got pissed and stoned and took a tour around the house i grew up in.

*crosses fingers and hopes vainly that nobody ever reads old comments*

22 November, 2005 22:25  
Anonymous Stu Savory chimed in with...

Just FYI, there's some real flying dialog here :-

http://www.savory.de/blog_nov_05.htm#20051113

No coral-lipped dollies tho' :-(

Stu :-)

23 November, 2005 08:22  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I read old comments and I want to know about the tour............

23 November, 2005 09:28  
Blogger Rob chimed in with...

I remember spending much of a London to Cairo flight in 1987 rather nervously watching a small child opposite poking inquisitively around the emergency exit handles. That wasn't you, was it?

09 December, 2005 17:14  

Post a Comment

<< Home


Free Web Site Counter
Counters Who Links Here