Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Always on my mind

Following on from a post the other day about the random worries that fill my head, may I present the transcript of an email I sent to the Other Half last week. It was triggered by a simple enquiry as to whether I'd got my head round buying the house. Um, apparently not....

>>It's just scary, that's all. What if it all goes wrong? What if we move in and it's rubbish? What if 35 failed asylum seekers move in next door, having chipped in six grand each? What if poor people move into the flats at the back and have noisy parties and throw dirty nappies over the fence? What if people steal our parking space and park in front of our garage and in front of our house? What if the sofa won't fit? What if the roof leaks? What if there are monsters in the upstairs cubby? What if you hate me after 6 weeks? What if you die? What if I die? What if it blows up, burns down or floods out? What if we get burgled? What if we tread mud all over the living room carpet? What if we can't afford any curtains and have to sleep with no curtains and i can't sleep as i can't sleep in a room with no curtains? What if we can't afford to go out ever again? Or eat? Or go on holiday? Or buy shoes? What if Small Person hates it? What if the Ex comes round in the middle of the night and pours petrol through the letterbox and roasts us and all our neighbours? What if the neighbours hate us? What if we hate them? What if????<<

Okaaaay...and relax. Clearly I still have some adjusting to do. Whatever.

Ooh, and can everyone pop over to Funny Thing's place and help her out with a name for her business venture? Ta.


Blogger Juggling Mother chimed in with...

buying a house is scary. it was certainly the single scariest thing I've ever done.

but otherwise you have to just give your hard earned cash to some wanker who really doesn't desreve it.

it was thought of lining my landlords pockets that made me do it in the end

15 November, 2005 10:28  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

I remember the time (many light years ago) when i bought my first flat. I was f****** petrified and you spent night after night reassuring me it would be fine. and it was. so take heed my girl and stop worrying.

By the way take that are supposedly getting back together as a 4 piece or so they said on gmtv.

nuff said

15 November, 2005 11:06  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

My head is spinning too and I've been through this process a few times before. I'd forgotten how it makes your brain ache. Still, it will be totally worth it in the end when SG, SP and I have our dream home.

I would invite everyone round but I'm not sure you'd all take your shoes off or bring us suitably expensive house warming pressies...if you can convince me you will then it's beers on us !!!

15 November, 2005 11:14  
Blogger Sniffy chimed in with...

Better stay put then. It's just as well that I'm too poor to be able to even contemplate buying somewhere; I'd be a wreck!

Phew at last! Something to thank Gordon "Swag bag" Brown for: if it wasn't for him, pilfering pension funds, the UK's already over inflated housing market wouldn't have gone totally astro and I might be able afford something. At least that's a worry I know I'll NEVER have to deal with and I can live with my elderly and insane parents forever.


And just what the HELL is that WV supposed to be? Fuck's sake. Do the people who make this little pictures not know that the human brain doesn't come in "Psychic" format as standard? Fucktards.

15 November, 2005 11:50  
Anonymous Ant chimed in with...

I'm sure no more than 5% of those will actually happen.

But which 5%? Ah, there's the question.

15 November, 2005 12:08  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

you can live in my garage i you prefer (although you'd have to clear it out first, but snothing that couldn't be achieved on freecycle/ebay)

15 November, 2005 12:19  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Ah, thank you lovely. All these suggestions for my new (not yet off the ground) business have been fab.

I've got a couple more worries for you. Wouldn't want you miss out some vital panicking-time:

What if you're allergic to the paint used on the skirting boards and you can't breathe so you try to sand them but you put your back out and break all your fingernails... and Other Half slips on a piece of sandpaper and hits head on banister and you both lie there simultaneuosly not breathing/bleeding and die and then you are found by the postman and it ends up in the papers as some kind of weirdy head-banging nail-gouging suicide pact and then no one talks to your family for ever?

Or something?

15 November, 2005 13:11  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

FT - You obviously underestimate SG's capacity for worrying if you think that she hadn't already considered that.

15 November, 2005 13:27  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...


Okay.... *ponders musingly with evil smirk playing on face*

What if the nextdoor neighbours all turn out to belong to a freaky cult that involves sacrificing sheep foetuses and driving out 'foreigners' with sharpened hazel switches and all the local children have scary eyes and horrible pageboy hairstyles and chant otuside your living room window in the evenings and the kitchen has got a draught that you just can't work out where it's coming from... and you have to prise up the floorboards and you find some funny-looking characters etched into the underside of the boards and you get a rash that doesn't go away until you leave the immediate locality and cheese starts to make you feel ill?

Bet you didn't think of that one, eh? EH?

15 November, 2005 13:43  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

er, hello? of course i have. there's nobody in a four-mile radius with any satanic, otherworldly or mystical connections - i got my shamanic totem animal manifestation to check.

uc - shift those waterskis. i might be coming to stay in your garage after all....

15 November, 2005 13:50  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Wasn't trying to put you off, SG, was just being realistic........

15 November, 2005 14:07  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

uh-huh. yup. got that. realistic. of course....

15 November, 2005 14:08  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

"What if the nextdoor neighbours all turn out to belong to a freaky cult that involves sacrificing sheep foetuses and driving out 'foreigners' with sharpened hazel switches and all the local children have scary eyes and horrible pageboy hairstyles and chant otuside your living room window in the evenings".

FT - I'm assuming you're unaware that SG already lives in East Anglia.

15 November, 2005 14:30  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

My dahling...worry no more. You and OH and my gorgeous niece SP are going to be gloriously, fabulously happy, and snug as bugs in proverbial cosy rugs with faux-fur throws and silky cushions on the top. Just go with it, baby!,

15 November, 2005 14:33  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...


15 November, 2005 14:37  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Sometimes the best things in life are the ones that scare us the most.

So there.

(Ps. Reply to my email!)

15 November, 2005 14:56  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i did - an hour ago....

this week is generally horrible, that's all. i feel sad and rubbish.

anyone know any good jokes?

15 November, 2005 15:02  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Katie Melua's career? Madonna's accent? Gary Barlow? My attempts to fit into a size 12? My bank balance?

15 November, 2005 15:12  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Q: What's Mary short for?

15 November, 2005 15:14  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

a. 'cause her legs aren't long enough?

15 November, 2005 15:35  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

A: Someone cut her legs off?

15 November, 2005 15:35  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

'Cos she's a dwarf.


15 November, 2005 15:37  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

um, am sure i asked if anyone had any good jokes....

15 November, 2005 16:20  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

What's brown and sticky?

15 November, 2005 16:46  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

A stick.

What's white and wriggles?

15 November, 2005 16:48  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...


Dunno. A maggot escaping. A willy escaping. A stick of chewing gum, er.. escaping?

15 November, 2005 16:54  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Come dancing.


15 November, 2005 16:58  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

whats the difference between a nun praying and a nun in the bath?

15 November, 2005 17:13  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I have come in very late to this party, but I must say that almost all those things have happened to me, and I still think it's worth it to own a house. There's something marvelous about knowing you own your walls and the earth beneath them. (Even if said earth is shifting in the unsolid California soil.)

Good luck!

I know no good jokes.

15 November, 2005 18:20  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

whinger - somebody burned your house down? poor you. and monsters in the upstairs cubby - doesn't bear thinking about.

zanna - i give up.

where's lc with his manly take on things? oh, hang on. he's probably off exfoliating somewhere..

15 November, 2005 19:27  
Blogger S.I.D. chimed in with...

Buying a house then?
Ok,First buy a shovel.. go to your bank..walk in..go into the safe where all your money is stored...open a window...and start shovelling all your cash out the window for the next 25yrs.

Fun innit?

15 November, 2005 19:37  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

I've bought three houses sg and it was always scary but exciting. Its so nice to be in your own home and paint the walls something other than off-white (the standard apartment wall colour in North America).

Joke-my daughter's favorite joke you can share with small person:
Where does a cow go on vacation?

Moo York.

uh, maybe that's no good for a Brit. Never mind.

15 November, 2005 19:43  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

C'mon zanne, what's the ansa?

Q: What's black and white and red all over and can't turn round in corridors?

15 November, 2005 19:46  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Zanna. Sorry.

15 November, 2005 19:46  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

coldearth - not helping!

laura - tell your daughter her joke made me laugh

funny thing - um, a nun with a spear through her neck?

15 November, 2005 19:48  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Bugger bugger bollocks!

I'm not playing this game anymore, it's a stupid game anyway.

*stomps off in a sulk*

15 November, 2005 19:54  
Blogger The Mincemeat Vixen chimed in with...

I sell houses for a living and let me tell you, 99.99999% of the time, things go off without a hitch. It's so rare to have problems. Breathe deep, relax, and focus on picking out paint colours. Most of the time that seems to work.

15 November, 2005 22:14  
Blogger mig bardsley chimed in with...

There's a technique for dealing with anxiety where you imagine the worst possible scenario...I think you've got it!
Have you checked there's no japanese knotweed in the garden?

16 November, 2005 01:43  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Whta's thick, black and shouts "knickers"?

16 November, 2005 08:56  
Blogger Lee chimed in with...

No idea!

16 November, 2005 09:19  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

sorry to leave you waiting, nun joke answer

the nun praying has got hope in her soul.......................

16 November, 2005 09:21  
Blogger Kellycat chimed in with...

Just for you Lee..

Crude Oil!

I get all my best ones from the back of Wotsit's packets.

16 November, 2005 10:04  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

vixen - ta. picking things out this friday....so exciting....

zanna - that's a good one

KC - crude oil. top joke.

what goes click, is it done yet? click, is it done yet? click, is it done yet?

16 November, 2005 10:04  
Blogger funny thing chimed in with...

Dunno. An is-it-time bomb? Kids in the back of a microwave?

16 November, 2005 12:24  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

david blunkett doing a rubiks cube.

16 November, 2005 13:17  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I said almost everything has happened to me, smart alec. :)
No fires. Yet. I don't want to talk about the monsters.

16 November, 2005 21:29  

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