Friday, October 21, 2005

Because everyone loves an uncomfortable silence

Sometimes, regardless of how much I resent it, I have to interact with other people. This is happening a lot lately as, owing to the Ex working ridiculous hours at the moment, I'm doing the school run every morning. This week, owing to my childminder conveniently choosing the week before half-term for her holiday, I'm also picking Madam up in the afternoons and offloading her on a series of random strangers*. This, regrettably, necessitates the negotiation of the social minefield that is Talking to the Other Mothers in the Playground. And I don't like it. Not one bit. I'm not confident/mental/posh enough to simply throw random details of my life at them so you'd think personal matters would be firmly off the topic agenda. Not so. On Monday the mother of one of the mothers was picking up her granddaughter. The daughter (of the grandmother, so therefore the mother of the child...are you keeping up at the back?) had been hugely pregnant with twins and I innocently enquired as to whether the babies had been born yet. This woman, who I had spoken to once before in my life (and we had talked about the weather, as you do) was more than happy to tell me that yes, the babies had been born the week before. She knew they were on the way though, as she'd bathed her daughter the night before and she'd had, and I quote, "a smell about her". I was then informed that although the origin of this smell couldn't be verified, it was probably "her waters leaking". Um, thanks. So now I have to nod and smile politely while feigning interest in your naked daughter and her vaginal odour. Lovely.

Does this only happen to me?


* This is not true. I have met at least one of them before, and not in a pub.

12 Comments:

Blogger Homer chimed in with...

Yes. Thank God.

21 October, 2005 12:48  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

I remember my mum getting into an argument outside school with Debbie Hancock's mother over something and nothing - the result was that both of them fell out with us and glared at us for ever after. Once I fell down and hurt myself badly at school and the first thing I saw was Debbie Hancock's sadistic grinning face looking at me, the little cow.

Sorry, that went off at a bit of a tangent ...

21 October, 2005 13:24  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

I avoid the playground at all cost, and when I have to do it, I avoid eye contact ...

21 October, 2005 14:34  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

but thanks for the mention of vaginal odour ... we needed that ...

21 October, 2005 14:37  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Well yes, sometime people tell me things that make squirm a bit. I usually do the polite yet vague smile and nod maneuver, followed by a discretely hasty retreat. What else can you do?

Well, other than when I'm feeling scientific I might ask the person their general opinion on the smell of amniotic fluid and how they became an expert on it. I could see myself doing that.

21 October, 2005 16:46  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i considered rounding on her with the story about when i gave alastair james a blowjob behind scott thingy's greenhouse* at his party when i was fifteen but decided it probably wouldn't count for much

*greenhouses are see-through. who knew?

21 October, 2005 16:53  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

I have been fiercely avoiding the mother's at Bigger Minx's nursey, ever since her father took her to a nursery party and was offered congratulations about my pregnancy. He told the horrified well-wisher that we were no longer together, and indeed that he was not the father of the impending baby. She beat a hasty and red-faced retreat.

I have never found out which mother it was...

21 October, 2005 17:50  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Mothers, even...

21 October, 2005 17:51  
Anonymous Veronica Triffid chimed in with...

I loathe having to talk to other mothers at nursery. Well, at least those who insist on talking to me endlessly about their child and quite frankly I couldn't give a toss whether they absolutely adore counting to half a million or have such an amazing imagination that involves pretending they work at an organic deli..blah blah. Today I chose to spend a 'healthy child training day' at my nursery involving far too many middle class mothers - I thoroughly enjoyed having a crafty fag outside at every opportunity and seeing their look of absolute horror. One mother even came up and said she never knew I was a...smoker!!! Though I let myself down by spluttering that my own child doesn't know either a vain attempt at clawing back a bit of respectability. Another Mum did get my respect by admitting she sometimes takes her child to McDonalds - that was much more shocking to the 'others' than my smoking.

21 October, 2005 20:32  
Blogger craziequeen chimed in with...

The joys of doing the school run for *other* peoples' children - as a family retainer I was always looked down upon and never included in Mommytalk.......

thank god! :-)

cq

21 October, 2005 21:04  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

What strange revelations. This does not happen to me, thank everything holy, but it does happen to my mother. I recall one incident when a clothing catalog operator told my mother about a disease she had and how it affected her ability to poo.

Very strange.

21 October, 2005 22:46  
Blogger Fizzy good chimed in with...

I was at the Hay festival once and a stranger told me she used to be a volcano. I don't know if that's quite the same...

22 October, 2005 19:47  

Post a Comment

<< Home


Free Web Site Counter
Counters Who Links Here