Things that make you go grrrr
Which, in my case, are far to numerous to mention in full. Today's though, is the alarm on my mobile phone. In my head, I was born to a life of ease and luxury and would drift through eternally sunny days on a cloud of joy, laughter and servants. Small Person would be irreproachably well-behaved and the Other Half would buy me shoes every day. However, the reality is somewhat (ha!) less glamorous. I am therefore woken every weekday morning at 6.55am by the aforementioned alarm.
I have suddenly realised how poncey my writing style is so far. Sorry.
Anyway, the alarm. It's a sort of boingy, squeaky, bouncy electronic noise and it makes me want to bite something. So every morning I side-button it three times before dragging myself out of bed and facing the day with asnarl smile. And it drives me potty. The problem being that the other alarms are even worse. There's a crap salsa one, a crap tweeting one, and a really crap low-rent disco one. Of course, the obvious solution is to go and buy an alarm clock, but that would a) require some effort on my part and b) give me one less thing to moan about. Suffice to say that when the mistake concerning my circumstances is rectified and I'm living in glittery pink splendour, with toblerones and woo-woos being delivered hourly on silver trays by Robbie Williams/Colin Farrell/Martin Clunes dressed only in very small pants, I'm going to build a raft out of lolly sticks, set the fucking phone on fire and give it a Viking burial in the bath.
That's it, I'm done. Carry on.
I have suddenly realised how poncey my writing style is so far. Sorry.
Anyway, the alarm. It's a sort of boingy, squeaky, bouncy electronic noise and it makes me want to bite something. So every morning I side-button it three times before dragging myself out of bed and facing the day with a
That's it, I'm done. Carry on.
posted by surly girl at 12:25 pm
20 Comments:
oh no, you must consider a tibetan sky burial: leave it out on a large slab of stone for the vultures to peck at
you must accord it due dignity, sorry, humiliation
Martin Clunes?
Actually, I was enjoying the writing style of the 1st para. Stick with it. It makes you even more dreamily attractive than you are now.
czluzvhs: Hungarian potato-alchohol.
I meant alcohol. Too much partying going on here.
Zuvuk: noise a sleeping drunk Hungarian makes.
yes, martin clunes.
i'm surprised, dave, that you haven't yet offered to take the funeral.
ilbaa: too obvious. i'll leave it.
I suspect in this case that the person officiating at the funeral would be put on the boat too.
today's earworm, btw, is "pipes of peace" by paul "undisputed inter-marital arse-kicking constest champion" mccartney.
gah.
Surely, given the shuffle feature on your iPod and a previous Blog post your earworm should be "Stop The Rot" by Apollo 440...see what I did there ?
um, not really.....
Well, you had rotting corpses in your bath at various points according to your earlier blog so I took the title of that song and....oh never mind !!!!
hon - another failed joke. why is it always you?
the authorities - insect corpses. honest.
pipes of peace? thank you for that - i had plain forgotten all about it not to mention the cheesy video
you're too too kind
gekjypjl = squashed dyslexic gekko (seeing as we have been talking creatures which crawl over the walls and wotnot)
I was just admiring your writing style when you spoiled it all by calling it poncey. More ponciness, please!
laitn - the milk from a mythical French buzzard?
No, that's awful.
i quite liked it.
and sorry for spoilage - i was fearing accusations of literary pretensions - nowt worse than bad writing done badly. i could waffle on like that for hours, trust me.
as for macca - it was a rubbish video. not his rubbishest tho - i give you "ebony and ivory"...
uysjn: what the japanese postman says as he hands you a solitary card on feb 14th. translation: you are a sad sorry loser and i pity your family.
now that was awful.
>>nowt worse than bad writing done badly<<
There goes my entire raison d'être.
obvqpe - a witticism that isn't nearly obscure enough.
i particularly liked your "lost on the isle of wight" post....and in general your blog is very informative to a countrified thicko like me.....(been out of my essex metropolis for eight-and-a-bit years now and it's starting to show)
lord, where's urban chick when you want to talk about tom cruise films and eighties pop stars?
patroclus (who from what I can gather was a bloke - am I missing something) - i salute you.
Aww, that's sweet, thank you. While we're feeling the love, I must say that your blog is one of the sharpest and wittiest I've had the pleasure of reading. It's also a great guide to the world of parenthood (which isn't a world I ever plan on entering, but still). So no, *I* salute *you*.
Oh, and Patroclus was indeed a bloke (Achilles' gay lover, no less). It was just the first word that came into my head when picking a name for myself for the Channel 4 Comedy Forum, and it kind of stuck. But I like it.
*demurely* why thank you...i try. actually i don't, which is why i'm so eternally grateful for any readership at all ....
much love to you all (can you tell it's late on a thursday and i've had another bad week? otherwise it'd be "knives to you all").
help.
as for parenthood - more a test of a person's desire to stay out of prison than anything else you could think of. believe me.
'much love to you all'
What me too? Have you been drinking excessively?
Remember, I said I liked your writing style too.
of course i didn't mean you dave - me and patroclus were having a bit of a love-in that's all. all perfectly healthy....
but your style is so frabjuous! and despite my stand on the lurk or engage issue i havta say, today, since my boss was in meetings all day, and im working on the computer not paper, i got to spend the WHOLE day reading your archives. *happy sigh*
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