Thursday, September 15, 2005

Things that make you go grrrr

Which, in my case, are far to numerous to mention in full. Today's though, is the alarm on my mobile phone. In my head, I was born to a life of ease and luxury and would drift through eternally sunny days on a cloud of joy, laughter and servants. Small Person would be irreproachably well-behaved and the Other Half would buy me shoes every day. However, the reality is somewhat (ha!) less glamorous. I am therefore woken every weekday morning at 6.55am by the aforementioned alarm.

I have suddenly realised how poncey my writing style is so far. Sorry.

Anyway, the alarm. It's a sort of boingy, squeaky, bouncy electronic noise and it makes me want to bite something. So every morning I side-button it three times before dragging myself out of bed and facing the day with a snarl smile. And it drives me potty. The problem being that the other alarms are even worse. There's a crap salsa one, a crap tweeting one, and a really crap low-rent disco one. Of course, the obvious solution is to go and buy an alarm clock, but that would a) require some effort on my part and b) give me one less thing to moan about. Suffice to say that when the mistake concerning my circumstances is rectified and I'm living in glittery pink splendour, with toblerones and woo-woos being delivered hourly on silver trays by Robbie Williams/Colin Farrell/Martin Clunes dressed only in very small pants, I'm going to build a raft out of lolly sticks, set the fucking phone on fire and give it a Viking burial in the bath.

That's it, I'm done. Carry on.

21 Comments:

Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

oh no, you must consider a tibetan sky burial: leave it out on a large slab of stone for the vultures to peck at

you must accord it due dignity, sorry, humiliation

15 September, 2005 12:57  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

Martin Clunes?

Actually, I was enjoying the writing style of the 1st para. Stick with it. It makes you even more dreamily attractive than you are now.

czluzvhs: Hungarian potato-alchohol.

15 September, 2005 13:14  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

I meant alcohol. Too much partying going on here.

Zuvuk: noise a sleeping drunk Hungarian makes.

15 September, 2005 13:15  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

yes, martin clunes.

i'm surprised, dave, that you haven't yet offered to take the funeral.

ilbaa: too obvious. i'll leave it.

15 September, 2005 13:20  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

I suspect in this case that the person officiating at the funeral would be put on the boat too.

15 September, 2005 13:25  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

today's earworm, btw, is "pipes of peace" by paul "undisputed inter-marital arse-kicking constest champion" mccartney.

gah.

15 September, 2005 13:34  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Surely, given the shuffle feature on your iPod and a previous Blog post your earworm should be "Stop The Rot" by Apollo 440...see what I did there ?

15 September, 2005 14:37  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

um, not really.....

15 September, 2005 14:43  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

Well, you had rotting corpses in your bath at various points according to your earlier blog so I took the title of that song and....oh never mind !!!!

15 September, 2005 14:49  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

hon - another failed joke. why is it always you?

the authorities - insect corpses. honest.

15 September, 2005 14:53  
Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

pipes of peace? thank you for that - i had plain forgotten all about it not to mention the cheesy video

you're too too kind

gekjypjl = squashed dyslexic gekko (seeing as we have been talking creatures which crawl over the walls and wotnot)

15 September, 2005 17:13  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

I was just admiring your writing style when you spoiled it all by calling it poncey. More ponciness, please!

laitn - the milk from a mythical French buzzard?

No, that's awful.

15 September, 2005 17:34  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i quite liked it.

and sorry for spoilage - i was fearing accusations of literary pretensions - nowt worse than bad writing done badly. i could waffle on like that for hours, trust me.

as for macca - it was a rubbish video. not his rubbishest tho - i give you "ebony and ivory"...

uysjn: what the japanese postman says as he hands you a solitary card on feb 14th. translation: you are a sad sorry loser and i pity your family.

now that was awful.

15 September, 2005 20:02  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

>>nowt worse than bad writing done badly<<

There goes my entire raison d'ĂȘtre.

obvqpe - a witticism that isn't nearly obscure enough.

15 September, 2005 20:45  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i particularly liked your "lost on the isle of wight" post....and in general your blog is very informative to a countrified thicko like me.....(been out of my essex metropolis for eight-and-a-bit years now and it's starting to show)

lord, where's urban chick when you want to talk about tom cruise films and eighties pop stars?

patroclus (who from what I can gather was a bloke - am I missing something) - i salute you.

15 September, 2005 21:10  
Blogger patroclus chimed in with...

Aww, that's sweet, thank you. While we're feeling the love, I must say that your blog is one of the sharpest and wittiest I've had the pleasure of reading. It's also a great guide to the world of parenthood (which isn't a world I ever plan on entering, but still). So no, *I* salute *you*.

Oh, and Patroclus was indeed a bloke (Achilles' gay lover, no less). It was just the first word that came into my head when picking a name for myself for the Channel 4 Comedy Forum, and it kind of stuck. But I like it.

15 September, 2005 21:42  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

*demurely* why thank you...i try. actually i don't, which is why i'm so eternally grateful for any readership at all ....

much love to you all (can you tell it's late on a thursday and i've had another bad week? otherwise it'd be "knives to you all").

help.

as for parenthood - more a test of a person's desire to stay out of prison than anything else you could think of. believe me.

15 September, 2005 22:10  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

'much love to you all'

What me too? Have you been drinking excessively?

Remember, I said I liked your writing style too.

16 September, 2005 08:05  
Blogger Swifty chimed in with...

I don't know if you're aware, but you've lost a whole chunk of your post. All that is left is a couple of paragraphs or so. If I was you I'd put it right before you lose credibility as a talker extraordinaire. Good rant though, very well written, just a pity we didn't get the usual length though :-)

16 September, 2005 09:00  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

of course i didn't mean you dave - me and patroclus were having a bit of a love-in that's all. all perfectly healthy....

16 September, 2005 09:00  
Blogger MinCat chimed in with...

but your style is so frabjuous! and despite my stand on the lurk or engage issue i havta say, today, since my boss was in meetings all day, and im working on the computer not paper, i got to spend the WHOLE day reading your archives. *happy sigh*

- brought to you by vuwungd

19 October, 2005 13:02  

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