Thursday, September 29, 2005

Surly Girl Needs You.

This one is for everyone. Regulars, lurkers, whoever it was that got here by Googling "Gloria Hunniford Hairstyle" (incindentally that post also explains the siginificance of Rome. In relation to me I mean, not as the home of the figurehead of the Roman Catholic Church or anything). Basically anyone who stops by for whatever reason, whether you like it here or not, you need to help me.

Next weekend brings a celebration for Crash and Donna's fortieth birthdays. It also brings four words guaranteed to strike terror into my very soul: Fancy Dress Pub Crawl. I have horrible, scarring memories of coming second in the Fancy Dress Parade at Pontins in Plemont Bay, Jersey in 1979, dressed in my bee costume from the school production of Noah (David Jarmaine shone as God, whilst the Giraffes are to be commended for an understated yet accomplished performance). Since then I have determinedly not done fancy dress. This time it's different however, as even the Other Half is dressing up. So, the pressure is on, and that's where you come in.

What in the name of David Hasselhof am I going to go as? Please bear in mind when making suggestions that this will involve twelve hours of drinking plus walking between pubs, and that any proposed costume must take into account that I am over thirty and have fat legs. Also, this is a competition, and the winner will receive a photo of me in Rome in 1983. It will cheer you up for the rest of your life, believe me.

Cue no comments whatsoever and a hastily cobbled-together bee costume. Don't let me down now.


Blogger Urban Chick chimed in with...

why not go AS gloria hunniford? you'll need to buy out every last bottle of fake tan from your local boots, have your locks whipped up into a creamy bouffant (and possibly dyed) and drape yourself in some baggy white linen number

or am i thinking of judith chalmers??

always get the two muddled up...

29 September, 2005 10:26  
Blogger car01 chimed in with...

Go as David Hasselhof

gtapyvds: suitable greeting for Ikea-visiting Australians.

29 September, 2005 11:02  
Blogger Who is this Dave? chimed in with...

Go as the Pope.

a. Long dress, hence hiding legs.
b. A blow for female rights (why should the pope be a man?)
c. Link with Rome, re prize.

I'd lend you some of my regalia, except it's not gaudy enough. I'm sure your local RC priest will be delighted to assist though.

For a pitcure of me as Pope, see my entry for 23rd April.

29 September, 2005 11:38  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

What happened in Rome?
PS. My Gorgeous Other Half has a Freddy Kreuger outfit you could borrow...

29 September, 2005 11:53  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

Including mask.

29 September, 2005 11:55  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

Near enough for Halloween? Only a month in it, so go as a witch (pointy hat, long black dress, fake pointy nose {- or real one, I don't know what you look like}), or a vampire {borrowed dress suit/black suit, white shirt, black cape, pointy teeth, face whitener, "extreme" lipstick, dark circle under eyes (I don't need make up for this - the eye part, that is)}. Advantages:

1) Easy to do.
2) Everyone knows what the heck you're supposed to be - no "what are you" questions.
3) As a witch you can hit people with the broom, as a vampire, you could bite them.
4) Vampires and witches are inherently hot. Fact. (Mmmmm, Willow....)
5) Automatically annoys any Catholic onlookers.
6) Good practice for any future Halloween parties.
7) Blend in with goths out on a normal night out, should you need to make an escape.
8) Legs covered at all times.


1) People may not notice the difference (again, not having seen you...)
2) People may like the look, and expect you dress like that all the time. (Mmmm, Willow....)

29 September, 2005 12:00  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

...The Wisp?

29 September, 2005 12:05  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

Fifi sis: Oh dear. Is this a "boy" thing? (She's a character from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer.)

29 September, 2005 14:14  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

never mind all that, what the bloody hell am i going as?

am not doing religious, am not doing witchy (as it will draw all the obvious "why didn't you dress up?" gags. have had a suggestion of going as a banana but that strikes me as both weird and impractical.

i give up.

29 September, 2005 14:44  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

am toying with either krueger or the hoff (that sounds like a seventies buddy-cop show - "krueger and the hoff")

29 September, 2005 14:45  
Blogger Betty chimed in with...

I'm lucky enough never to have had to attend any kind of fancy dress event. Don't know what the right etiquette would be, but I would probably agree with Urban Chick's suggestion of Gloria Hunniford. The hairdo appeals to me. Not Judith Chalmers though - you would have to douse yourself in Ronseal to get the healthy outdoor look beforehand, and then spend ages after dousing yourself with white spirit to get it all off again. Your dermatologist wouldn't like that.

29 September, 2005 14:49  
Blogger Crash chimed in with...

I've got it... Your so good at it... A pirate.

29 September, 2005 15:10  
Blogger Smat chimed in with...

go as a banana - I have a fabulous song you can sing which I learnt at a Brownie campfire last week. Although yellow tights might not be the most flattering thing for non-matchstick legs. oH, I've got it, wear black tights and be an over-ripe banana.

29 September, 2005 15:55  
Blogger Stef the engineer chimed in with...

I wasn't going to comment further, as my suggestion was so brusquely snubbed, but then I saw the word verification I got.

I second crash's pirate suggestion. Genius. Hankie headscarf, hoop earrings, cardboard cutlass, eyepatch. Give that man the photo!

sulkx: Brilliant combination, but I'm too gobsmacked by it to think of anything.

29 September, 2005 16:29  
Blogger Wyndham chimed in with...

If you go as The Hoff it has to be the Knight Rider version so you can get the big curly wig and bellbottom trousers and tight leather jacket. Oh, and a talking car will help you get the look right, if you've got one, and will be able to drive you home afterwards. Couple of pints and then you can Turbo Boost out of the window.

29 September, 2005 16:29  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

What is your beloved other half going as? Could you compliment his outfit?

29 September, 2005 16:39  
Blogger cartoons! chimed in with...

last year for halloween i went as a silent film actress. black clothing, white/gray makeup. it was fun. i had (have) fat legs. it looked great!
sounds like fun!

29 September, 2005 16:39  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

Something along the pirate line, including baggy pants, and related to '40' might be Ali Baba and the 40 thieves.


29 September, 2005 16:40  
Blogger Whinger chimed in with...

I am gathering that fancy dress is a costume party? Stupid Americans and their non-matching slang.

The quickest costume I ever did:
1. Take one already owned black ensemble (dress, pants and shirt, skirt and shirt, etc.)
2. Paste glow-in-the-dark stars all over it (they remove the next day).
3. Take a length of ribbon and sling it across the body in manner of Miss America or the like. Secure with safety pin.
4. Take some fabric paint and write, "Miss Universe" on it.

If you want it to work on two levels, you can also paint your face green and wear antennae.

29 September, 2005 16:42  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

stef - don't be so over-sensitive. bless yer cottons.

an homage to the mighty hoff is tempting, as is a pirate. and smat - weirdly crash suggested a banana already (by text). i'm not sure what the yellow bit would be made from tho.

the other half's costume is a closely guarded secret (as it remains to be seen whether he'll actually get out of the door once i've seen him in it).

annika - sounds fab....

miss universe - well done whinger...i may lack the motivation tho and would end up just going in black...

hang on, an idea is formulating....

29 September, 2005 16:46  
Blogger cartoons! chimed in with...

wait wait wait....
be anna nicole-smith.
after a night drinking...smudged lipstick, wobbly gait...

29 September, 2005 16:49  
Blogger Fifi chimed in with...

GOH also posesses a fez, a policeman's helmet and a Freddy Mercury leotard...any use?

29 September, 2005 16:54  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

annika - i'm loving that one.

fifi - and you had a baby with this man???

29 September, 2005 16:56  
Blogger Crash chimed in with...

I will have numerous cameras in my handbag. Photos will be posted on our site soon as we sober up.

29 September, 2005 16:57  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i was going to say "handbag??" but then i remembered....

29 September, 2005 16:59  
Blogger Kyahgirl chimed in with...

FOH sounds like a very interesting man Fifi!

29 September, 2005 17:35  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

oh, he is. believe me...did you not see the bit about the nuns in monday's post?

and wyndham, do you have a talking car i could borrow? mine's in for an mot and may need a spot of welding (over its smug mouth).

29 September, 2005 19:45  
Blogger GreatSheElephant chimed in with...

how about tight black trousers, black top, ears and a tail i.e. cat. I have found that this a) is easy to assemble, b) terrifies real cats and c) seems to attract men

29 September, 2005 22:39  
Blogger Donna chimed in with...

That pisses me right off. Just rambled out a long comment and the fucker has gotten lost.

Basically, I was saying that you have not got fat legs.

29 September, 2005 22:51  
Blogger helen chimed in with...

I had exactly the same dilemma last week - but I'm now going as the very fabulous Margo from The Good Life.

Hit one or two charity shops and it won't be long before you find something suitably frocktastic.

I was dreading my party - now I can't frigging wait!

30 September, 2005 08:48  
Blogger Crash chimed in with...

Do I win the photo then?

30 September, 2005 10:21  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

shhhh - i haven't made the announcement yet.

like anyone cares.

30 September, 2005 10:24  
Blogger car01 chimed in with...

You've got to go as The Hoff. Really you have.

I mean, just look at this for class.

30 September, 2005 10:31  
Anonymous Other Half chimed in with...

I already have first refusal on 'that''s going to take pride of place in my first public exhibition !!!

As for our outfits, it's all coming together rather nicely and we're very much looking forward to debuting them next Saturday.

30 September, 2005 10:32  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

hon, i think "debuting" makes you sound just a tiny bit, well, gay. added to your impeccable personal hygiene, ability to shop for clothes unsupervised and bottomless reservoir of show tunes, it's all a bit of a worry....

anc arol, the only way to do justice to the hoff is to go naked with puppies, and i'm not sure my home town is ready for that sort of thing.

and greatsheelephant - cat is in reserve, ta for that.

and helen - damn i wish i'd thought of that. i'm not tall enough or aristocratic enough tho - fifi sis would be perfect. i trust you are wearing a turban?

30 September, 2005 10:38  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

i meant "and carol" obviously. the excitement is getting a bit much.

30 September, 2005 10:39  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...


30 September, 2005 10:51  
Blogger surly girl chimed in with...

so, what? and where were you yesterday when suggestions were needed?

30 September, 2005 10:56  
Blogger zanna chimed in with...

busy having a life? only you who knows me knows how ridiculous that is!

02 October, 2005 12:34  

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