Pimp my blog

It's an odd place, the blogosphere. I like my corner of it - there are friends I visit regularly, and those who visit me. There's an awful lot of rubbish out there, but every so often I happen across a place that makes me laugh, makes me think or even just makes me cross. I pootle around, reading something here, commenting there, and that's the essence of what makes this such a wonderful medium - you can make your point or just lurk, enjoying someone elses point of view. Before I get onto the main point of this post, a small disclaimer is called for. I blog because I enjoy it. I have an awful lot of stuff floating around in my head at any given point - some of it useful, most of it rubbish. The Other Half suggested blogging to me as a way of finding some peace rather than obsessing over useless things, and it works for me. If people enjoy reading it, then that's a bonus as far as I'm concerned. Of course there's a certain narcissistic pleasure in watching my stats daily - everybody loves an audience and I'm no different. And I welcome anyone who happens by - lurkers, commenters et al. Spammers are of course a different matter - why anyone thinks I'm going to visit their random timber website on the basis of a poorly worded overlong spam comment is beyond me. Neither am I troubled with premature ejaculation, lying awake at night wondering about a cure for diabetes, or trying to figure out a solution to my web hosting issues. Still, it's all part of the game, and I accept it as such. I've made some good friends through blogging - some in the real world and some who remain in the ether. The thing that marks them out is their desire to express an opinion, and I'm conscious of my own responsibility in keeping my eye on the point of my internet existence.

My main bugbears in this arena fall into two categories. The first of which are blog pimps. There are some top blogs out there, some of which I've fallen in love with, who have subsequently pissed me off to the point of deliberately avoiding them. There's a guy from New York who, by his own admission, is fat, hopeless and reliant solely on dick jokes in an effort to retain his audience. He's made me laugh helplessly and often out loud, which is never a good thing in an office where I'm not exactly popular among my immediate management. I stay with him because in five out of any ten posts he's hilarious. However, he's one of a growing band of bloggers who are using the sort of public support that makes a blog such a warm and cosy place as a springboard to his own fame and fortune. Now, there's nothing wrong with that per se - we all dream of the celebrity (or at least the financially comfortable aspect of it) lifestyle, and blogging is certainly an effective way of honing writing skills. What I object to is either endless posts alluding to very exciting things that I as a regular reader cannot be privy to, or blatant pimping in the style of "I really hope I get a book deal off the back of this blog". Whilst I appreciate that those who consider themselves on the cusp of fame and fortune may not wish to divulge their ways in, I find it slightly offensive that someone who relentlessly begs for readership then cuts those very people off the minute they get a sniff of their ultimate goal, while simulataneously asking for donations from their readers in order for them to continue striving for success. In some cases, faithful readers are subjected to evening-class exercises in diversifying someone's writing style, which is occasionally nothing short of embarrasing. If this is coming across as sour grapes, let me assure you that it's not. I fully appreciate the power of the off-switch - and if someone irritates me enough I simply stop visiting. If I want to write a book I'll write a book. If I want public recognition I'll streak down the high street, regardless of the inevitable wincing and horror. Just let's keep these things separate, shall we?

The other aspect of blogging that drives me insane is the comment whores. Again, spamming is a separate issue. What I'm talking about is people who comment on blogs with the sole intention of pulling people into their own readership. I know from experience that blog commenting is a moral minefield - I've spent ages lurking round blogs I enjoy, wondering whether to comment or not. Of course there's the option to comment anonymously, but as I said the narcissist in us all drives us to leave our URL. So I do - but only on the basis that I feel I can comment in a way that relates to the blog that I've enjoyed or hated so much that I just had to say something. What I can't bear is people commenting in an effort to piggyback on an obviously popular blog. There's one I've recently deleted from my favourites, on the basis that any given post would elicit over a hundred comments, with at least seventy five percent of them consisting of "wow, that's really funny. I'm funny too - check me out at www.imacompletefuckwit.blogspot.com" . Yes, we all want to be heard. Yes, the commenting on your blog gives you that warm and fuzzy feeling of knowing what you have to say has made someone feel something enough to give you their take. But please, stop with the whoring.

And another thing, while I'm on my soapbox. How many of us have stopped by a blog more than once, not because we like it, but because it's deemed to be the best thing out there? Some of the blogs touted around are indeed fabulous, but some are utter, utter crap. So, to sum up. I know I have a small readership - I'm grateful for that and hope it grows. I love blogging and I love that you care enough to stop by and tell me what you think. I'll carry on reading and commenting where I feel I can contribute. Sometimes it feels like crashing a private party, especially where it seems like all the commenters know each other and you're not sure whether you should pipe up. I'll carry on dropping my URL in places where I feel the blogger might enjoy my two pennorth as much as I've liked theirs. And if I happen across someone who irritates me sufficiently, I'll tell them.

Blimey, can you tell I had another really really bad day at work today?

More wine. Immediately.